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Ladies this is a subject that is very controversial. Issues that alot of Mom's have very different opinions about. I would like to know what you think about STEP Mom's invading your role as a Biological Mother and what have been some of the issues surrounding this subject?

Understanding.. I feel there are alot of GREAT! Step Mom's out there, however there are some that are very controlling and vindictive. What is your take on this subject?


by on Sep. 16, 2009 at 1:50 PM
Replies (91-100):
by Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 7:20 PM

I didn't have a stepmom until I was an adult, but she irritated me at first. We butted heads constantly because she thought I needed parenting. My father hadn't been in my life for almost a decade and a half. Neither of them should have been parenting me. Once she finally backed off, we were okay. 

When I divorce my husband, my daughter's decisions will be decided by him and I. I would have primary custody anyway. 

by Ruby Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 8:22 PM

 that's the excuse my exh's wife used - too bad sooo sad, if you don't like first name he can call you Mrs lastname. my kid has one father and one mother - his stepdad who is here 24/7 365 and more of a father than his dad will ever be is firstname period.

Quoting RandRMomma:

I see calling an adult by their first name as very disrespectful.

Quoting mikiemom:

 I normally agree with you but no mamma Name is not respectful - it is sm overstepping period.


Quoting RandRMomma:

Here's the thing you're missing, IMO: when your son is at his fathers, his SM IS "MOM" while he's there. So, she "plays" mom. He needs to respect her in the same manner that he respects you. Otherwise, SM and BF will have issues in their home, and that'll cause a rift. You have a SM that's good to your son, and you've said this yourself. IMO, you're making small issues bigger than what they are. Why? Probably because he married the woman you say he cheated on you with.

Why can't your son call his SM mama (her first name here)? That way, she feels respected, and he's not calling her "mom." IMO, a child calling an adult by their first name is disrespectful.

If she bad mouths you in front of your son (which is NOT a good thing) what have you done to get her to do that in her mind? Rarely is anyone completely innocent in these situations.

Quoting Hansmom7:

 Thanks for the reply and I totally get what you are saying, but it is a bit more complicated than that. He wasn't upset because I made him that way. I couldn't really tell what exactly happened, but for his dad to call me saying he was upset about it. Tells me they were pushing him to call her that or he wouldn't have got all upset. That happened almost 3 years ago. I wouldn't be so worried about it if she would know her role. She oversteps her position and tries to play his mom. I found out back when he was little that they put him in a pagent and they did not invite me because she was the one who escorted him out so it would make it look like it was her son because he has his dads last name and they are married so my son and her have the same last name. They say the childs name and then they say the name of who escorts them out on stage.  It is different things like that that she does. I feel very disrespected and she doesn't care just like the comment she made to my son about the whole calling her mama thing and her saying that there is nothing I can do about. Okay that should not have even been said to my son, but she is too afraid to say it to my face because she knows deep down what she is doing is wrong. Also, she bad mouths me in front of my son. The list goes on and on. I'm stuck because if I say something then she just wants to do it more and if I don't say anything she thinks its okay.


Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

The kindest thing you could do for your son is to let it go. He is upset about it because it clearly bothers you so much, and he feels caught in the middle. This is really a very minor thing in the big picture.

Quoting Hansmom7: is my issue. I have a 7 year old. His dad and I split up when he was around 7 months old. He started dating the girl he cheated on me with and eventually married her. She is very immature. He was 21 and she was 16 when we broke up and he started dating her. I found out right after his second birthday that they were making my son call her mama ____(her first name). So I questioned them about it and they made up this lie claiming that he started calling her that. Which I find really strange because I started dating a guy about three months after we split and he was around him a whole lot more than he was around her because they only got him every other weekend and every other holiday. So, why didn't he ever call the guy I was with daddy if that was the case. So along and along its been years of dealing with this and numerous fights because they seem to think that it is alright for him to call her that. Now, don't get me wrong I am glad she is good to my son. I just think she is overstepping. She acts like it is a competition between me and her. She says things to my son about me. One is I just graduated from college and my son is excited for me and so he goes and talks about it to them and her response was that she has already been to college. Which she doesn't know that this is not the first time I have went back to school, but I think that making statements like that is just childish. Who cares who went to school first. It is different things she says here and there. Now, back to the issue. So we have had discussions about it because he has called me saying that our son is crying saying that he can't call me mama anymore. I explained to him that it wasn't right what they were doing and asked if I did the same thing, asking him if he would be okay if I made our son call someone else daddy and he replied no. This has gone on for years and years and recently it has become an issue again because my son came home from over there saying that you know why I call her mama _______ because I decided to and she says there is nothing you can do about it. So, I told my son that it was not right for them to make you call her that and that he doesn't have to. I also told him that he could start calling her stepmama _________. So the next time they got him, as soon as he saw her he told her that and she told him that, I told you, you can call me whatever you want. Funny how just two weeks before that she told him that there was nothing I could do about it, but when she was in front of my face it was a different story. They also have a child together and they made the comment that it doesn't matter because their daughter sometimes goes around the house calling her mom by her first name instead of mama. So, now he is with his dad for his summer visitation and I spoke to him today and he tells me that he had to just start calling her mama because it is confusing their daughter because when they tell him to tell her to take whatever she has to her mom and he only calls SM by her first name, their daughter doesn't know who he is talking about. Which is a load of crap because just two months ago they said that their daughter was already going around calling her by her first name so obviously she knows who my son would be referring to. Okay so that is it. Sorry so long, but I need help. Any advice on how to deal with this? I am at my wits end. Do not know how much more of her I can take before I blow up on her.






by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 10:53 PM
1 mom liked this

I feel almost like this whole post was started just to cause drama from the second the post was titled biological mom vs. step mom. It shouldn't be on verses the other, it should be about two people working together to raise and support children. I know that it isn't always easy to get along with the mother or the step mother but that's life and the kids are the ones that suffer when others can't get along.

by Mahinaarangi on Jul. 23, 2013 at 10:57 PM
2 moms liked this

Im a stepmom and Im a biomother who has kids being raised by a stepfather.

I have one stepson whom I love to pieces and one I have grown to like.  Sometimes as a stepmother you make wrong decisions...sometimes as a mother you make wrong decisions...shit happens.

by Redwood Witch on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:28 PM

This EXACTLY. A whole lot of years later, and my bio-mom is STILL very bitter. 

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

I am not a step mother, but I do have a step mother.  In my personal experience, my family didn't deal with my step mom trying to invade my mom's role, rather it was my mother's jealousy of my step mom and her being unwilling to accept that she was now an authority figure in my life and part of my family.

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:02 AM
Mom and stepmom. I am mom to only the kids I gave birth to.

Didn't talk poorly about the BM even though she didn't give our family the same respect. She's an asshole; what can you do?

ALL kids in my house follow house rules. Step, bio, neighbors, whomever. Pretty across the board all the same.

My DH handled his ex fine. I didn't push to interfere in her hovel, needed though it was. She was not welcome in our home.

Any problems were hammered out legally. Not ideal, to be sure. But again, the ex is an asshole. Legal and at arm's length is the only way to deal with her.
by Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:04 AM

My ex got remarried, and when the kids are at their house, she is an authority figure, and Ive told them to treat her like a parent. The only issue I have is there have been times where both her and I have been at a school function or something, and she tries to over rule something Ive told the children.


by Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:33 PM

Not been in that situation but here's a BUMP for you.

by New Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:24 PM

when I was not as involved  in my childrens lifes because I didnt want to intrude in a new relationship. I had them when I could and called them. I had small children at home and an autistic son. So she had full reins of their lifes, although they often came up and told me she wasnt fair to them because she had her own kids.   I didnt want to cause problems, so i never called my ex, I told them how to win her over. One of those ways was to call her mom. Its been twenty years and its gone to her head. She is jealous when I visit my kids. Every facet of my children lifes she includes herself in. My kids are in their thirties.  iShe has brow beat my children and my ex into being part weddings, goes on and on. I dont say anything because I dont want to put the boys in the middle of it...and i respect her role as stepmom..but she doesnt respect my role as mom.

by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 10:51 PM
I am a step mom to 2 SS's for the last 10 years. They are now 14 and 19. Bio mom has acted like a jealous, irresponsible, full of piss and vinegar (her words proudly describing herself) since day 1. I had no idea how to deal with her and tried to be kind and respect her feelings but it didn't help. She was so bitter and angry that every decision was about her and not the kids. She used them as pawns and talked bad about me and BD constantly. My youngest SS would tell me "my mom said your a confused B****" when he was 6 years old. to this day she is unreasonable and always playing the victim. I have never tried to take her place. Never told the kids to call me mom. I have acted like a responsible patent to two kids that live in my house, fed them, clothed them and paid for more than their mom ever has contributed. I don't bad mouth her. I do pray for her often!
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