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help plesase relationship advice--got long piog

Posted by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 12:28 AM
  • 6 Replies

 ok here it is, you tell me if you think I have lost my mind or if I am right to feel this way, and if you can any advice would be appreciated, even the things I may not want to hear!


I started talking to a guy recently. Thought at first he seemed nice and could be someone fun to get to know and who knows from there. Then a few bells went off in my mind and not in a good way.

1. he has three kids, not such a huge thing, but custody of none and no visitation on the 1. he has plausible reasons, but I don't trust until I can verify.--yet wants to meet my kids already and wants them to think of them as a dad... ugh we haven't even met yet, so NO!

2. he can not for the life of him remember how many kids I have, or how many brothers and sisters, or where my mom is, something we have discussed a few times now.--if he can not remember those simple things, what the use in telling more important things.

3. has a severe anger and rage even at his ex's --now this may be justified, but I can not help feeling that I would have to walk on eggshells around him, so as to not "be" compared to them. I have been down that path and it was not good for either of us, as I felt like a prisoner and do not want to ever repeat that

4. he is already saying things like, well when we are home after work, and kids are in bed, no phone calls and no visitors, it is to be about us only. you will not talk to other men at all, I don't care who they are... hello i have a brother and father and my kid dad, does that include them, or are they OK? .. that makes me think OK control freak and insecure a bit.

5. he DOES NOT get along with any of his living family members, by his own admission he has no idea if half of htem are alive, and could careless to have a new fmaily butting into his life. so he does not have good relations with his family, will he try to destroy the ones i have? will I have  to "give them up" to make him happy?

6. he does not want any woman he has to work at all ever, that way he can keep an eye on finances, and he doesn't have to worry about her being hit on.. OK I love the idea of being a stay at home mom, but that to me seems like a slave and someone who would have to ask and beg for money.

Now this came to me after speaking a few times, most of this was over a few conversations and somethig in the last comversatoin brought it all together for me, and the bells went off, they had been quietly ringing but they sounded loud and clear this time.

So i am going to cut off all communication. But, need to do so in a way that is not cruel, unless it comes that it has to be that way. I do not want to argue it out, but need to find the words that work.

I understand being angry at the opposite sex and mistrustful, but I also waited until I found peace with myself and with my ex's behavior before starting to try to date again, and it does not seem he is in any way ready for any of the things that dating a relationship entail. ugh loll Yeah as you can see I been thinking and it is not helping.

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 12:28 AM
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by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 12:37 AM

Yea end that one. There more guys out there that are much better. You will have no peace of mind with that guy. You will just feel trapped. Break it to him easy and if he doesn't get the hint, go all out on him. Control freaks don't take bad news easily or give up very easily if they already have a plan. Believe me. Been there. Hard to get away once it starts.

I am a tatooed, multiple peircing, supporter of gun rights, not afraid to spank my child in public for being bad, hard working, not afraid to speak my mind, who believes that kids are the most important, loving and caring, will cook a homemade dinner rather than getting fastfood, makes homemade decorations, crazy photo taking kind of mom.

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 12:37 AM

you said you've never met this guy.

How hard could it possibly be?

Just ignore him.

by Bronze Member on Oct. 12, 2009 at 12:43 AM

This guy sounds like bad news. If you were to be with him you would be at home depressed, have no say on anything, probaby give you allowance and tell you what you can and can't spend it on. Then eventually he won't allow you to see your friends or family and would probaby be abusive mentally and physically. The next time you talk to him, just simply say you thought you were ready for another relationship but with alot of thinking you realized that you are not and you need time to think about what you really want in life. If that doesn't work you can always change your number. He doesn't know your address does he? He seems like he may be a stalker type too.

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 12:47 AM

well if u dont want to hurt him really bad by telling him to leave u alone, tell him that u got back with ur childs father. what can he say....

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 12:54 AM

you said it dont want to feel like a prisoner and thats exactly what he wants. 1 he has anger issues 2 he is a control freak 3 he WILL take away all of your friends...let him meet 1 friend and i bet you anything he says he doesnt like them...guaranteed! 4 he is insecure about himself obviously.

you dont want this guy around your kid expecially if he has severe anger issues. its not good for you and its not good for your kid or kids. good luck!

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 12:58 AM

agreed, tell him your babys daddy is trying to work it out and for the sake of your children you are willing to give it another go.  This guy is a control freak, and that is all he cares about, obviously since he can't remember anything about you!!!  He wants to control you and your life in order to find happyness in his...bad far and fast before you get sucked in.

Quoting lesliebb:

well if u dont want to hurt him really bad by telling him to leave u alone, tell him that u got back with ur childs father. what can he say....

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