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I don't know how to be firm without being rude

Posted by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 11:25 AM
  • 11 Replies

I have been raising my son my way but all of a sudden my dad is waking us up at 7am and telling me how to raise my son. My dad has told me I can not give my son anymore naps cause then he'll sleep all night. Well my son cries and cries. I have asked my dad to back off and let me raise my son my way. He and the rest of my family refuse to let me do it. How am I supposed to the parent when everyone is controlling me?

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 11:25 AM
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by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 11:27 AM

tell your dad to shove it or your going to have a very confused child. your saying one thing and [i assume you live at home with your dad] and your dad is saying another - that can really confuse a kid once they get to be about a year or older.

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 11:27 AM

Tell them to back off. Sometimes you have to get rude especially when their advice is not right.

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 11:28 AM

He is probably just frustrated that your kiddo cries all night...  I know your kiddo cant help it but your dad cant help being annoyed about it either... Why are you still living with him?

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 11:31 AM

sometimes being mean is the only to get through. if you have tried to be nice and that's not working just tell everyone to back off they had their chance to do things thier way now its your turn to do things the way you want.  i know my friend struggled with her dad and thier conflicting parenting styles until she moved out.

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 11:34 AM

 Tell your dad you appreciate his wisdom and advice , however he is your son and you have to find your way with him if he is crying and tired he needs a nap. Keeping a child awake doesn't work it makes them too tired to sleep at night .  however you don't say if you live with your dad or not. do you depend on him to help you with the child , if so he will give you the unwanted advice because he feels he has a right too. My daughter lived with us with her first child (a special Needs child) we had to eventually remember in the end he was her child we did comprimise with each other ( he is no longer with us He is our angel)  Never deprive  a baby of sleep they will let you know when they need it so will a toddler . Just remind him that you respect his opinon but when all is done and said you are the mother believe my daughter did and still does with her in laws and second son. good luck but also remember if you live with them (parents) they have right to input, you need to thank them for it and then put him down for a nap

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 11:47 AM

I know how you feel! My MIL is almost as bad and her son and I are married and live on our own! Her and I work together and I bring my DD to work so it gives her plenty of opportunity to get involved.

Any time we say something to her she gets mad and just won't even talk to us. That's her choice. As long as you stay calm and speak nicely, you have no reason to feel bad no matter how your family reacts! How old is your son? My DD is 15 mo old and still takes 2 naps during the day and sleep 8-10+ hours at night. I would not advise you to keep your child from a nap if he needs it! No fun for anyone involved :) Good luck with your family hun!

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by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 11:53 AM

Living with family is tough. Next time your family says something, tell them that you appreciate their input and understand that his crying may be bothersome. However, he is your child to raise, not theirs, and you are doing what you feel is best for him.

Babies need to sleep during the day. Keeping him up isn't fair to him. Maybe you could pull up some articles on the importance of naps and how some babies NEED to eat in the middle of the night. At his next check up maybe you could mention the situation to his ped and ask if they have any handouts that you can give to your family.

Good luck hun. I hope things all work out.

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by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 11:55 AM

you need to tell everyone to back off, but your not going to get any peace and quiet until you move out or they leave.  this is your child and you need to raise him the way you see fit.  if you dont stop it now when your son goes to visit them they will disreguard all your rules and do what they want.  your family needs to know its your way or the highway.  it might be militant but when you are dealing with pushy grandparents its the only way that works.

by Gold Member on Oct. 12, 2009 at 11:57 AM

First of all, how old is your child? You should never deprive a small child of sleep. Let them sleep when they want to sleep, especially infants. As a chid gets older then you can play with length of a nap or number of naps in a day. Just tell your dad to back off. If he doesn't then I'd bring it up with your Pediatrician and have the Ped talk to him. My MIL used to give me such a problem when I didn't let my son sleep (He was 3), then she had to care for him for me while I was on bedrest with child number 2. We had told her if you want to sleep at night don't let him nap. He got a nap and she didn't sleep that night. After that I wasn't bothered about my children's sleeping habits. Heck the same son out ran two 5 year olds at Disneyland when he was 2 1/2 years old and he only took a 15 minute snooze during the whole visit. Anyways, just tell him you are the mom not him and you will raise your child the way you want.

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 11:59 AM

I agree with all the posts so far, but I feel like i need a bit more info. How old is your LO?  my son did not sleep through the night  until he was 20 months old, whether he took a nap or not.  Some kids are just that wa, he still has trouble and he is 2 1/2.  I would ask your father why he feels the need to butt in.  Maybe if you pose this question he will realize that instead of being helpful as he is probably trying to be he is really questioning your ability to be a mother.  Maybe then he will back off and let you make your own decisions...

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