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I need help with my 10 yr old daughter!!

Posted by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 9:01 AM
  • 10 Replies

Ok so puberty is here!!!!! Ugh. NOT READY FOR THIS......today i was listening to my kids get ready for school in the other room and I heard my daughter who is 10 say "What the F*#%"  I can't believe she would say that in the first place let alone at home where I could hear her.  My 8 year old tells me that she talks like that a lot when they aren't home.  Ok I usually would say that I have a pretty good grasp on what my kids are doing, now I'm not so sure.  I do know that I don't want to handle it badly because I am afraid of pushing her away or causing her to prematurely "hate" me.  Grounding kids to their rooms satisfies some kids.  I don't know what to do....HELP PLEASE!

by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 9:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
sarah_ruffner
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 9:12 AM

OMG!!!  I have no answer for you because I'm in the same boat right now.  My dd will be 10 in Dec.  So, if indeed there is someone out there who knows the answer, please let me know!!!!!!!!! lol

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Nov. 12, 2009 at 9:13 AM

Well, I have 2 teens and I have to say, you don't want to be their friend and start doing that.  Every kid my teens are friends with that their Mom wants to be their friends are the drinkers, partiers and the trouble makers.  I remember in school also, the same thing was true. 

If it were me, I would have grounded my dd, talked to her that language isn't acceptable and especially in my home and around the other children.  She must  think its cool to talk that way or does she hear the language at home.  My 18 year old just said, yep, it starts in 5th, 6th grade with the cussing in school.  I still do NOT allow it in my home and confront my 18 year old is I hear her cussing.  That is rare because she knows its unacceptable.  Her Dad cusses some, but I do not, or its rare.  My big thing is the F word.  Its never acceptable.  I hate that word. 

lucky2Beeme
by Platinum Member on Nov. 12, 2009 at 9:14 AM

I would sit down with her after school.Just the 2 of you.Explain that you over heard her this am.Tell her that children esp young Ladies   do not use that kind of language. Talk to her about the fact that if anyone's mother was to over hear her use those words.They would not want their child to be friends with her. then make sure you and hubby arent using those words.

Surround yourself with people that add to your life not subtract from it.

luvmygirls-rdkr
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 9:19 AM

IM GLAD YOU SAID THAT.  I RARELY CUSS, BUT MY HUSBAND DOES.  ITS HARD TO TELL YOUR KID THEY CANT DO WHAT THEIR PARENTS DO.  MY HUSBAND SAYS THAT WE SHOULD GROUND HER TO US INSTEAD OF HER ROOM AND THAT WE WILL MAKE SURE AND TELL HER THAT HER TALKING LIKE THAT WILL SET A REPUTATION FOR HER AND THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE KNOWN AS THE TRASHY GIRL.  I JUST SAID WELL THEN SHE WILL THINK SHE HAS A TRASHY DAD.  MAYBE THIS WILL HELP THE LANGUAGE WITH HIM TOO.

praisinghim2day
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 9:26 AM

Unfortunately there's not a lot you can do.  Kids tend to feel more "grown up" by using that kind of language.  :(  Sit her down and ask her why she finds it necessary to using bad words.  Listen carefully :)  Let her know that you can relate (I'm sure you used that language when you were young too) but explain to her that you don't want her to use it.  Give her reasons.  I went through this with my dd as well.  I just explained that she's much too pretty of a girl, and much too smart, to use such dirty words... that those kinds of words make her not look so pretty and sound not so smart.

Hope this helps.. it worked for us.  I'm sure she still slips them outside of my earshot... but at least I don't have to hear it!

mygardenia
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 9:27 AM

 I remember being this age and I would talk the same way...but never around my mother or family. She probably didn't realize you were listening. I personally wouldn't make a big deal. These are words that I am sure we have all used and kids like to expierement with them. Just teach her to have respect with them and that around you or teachers or adults, she shouldn't use them. I am sure her friends also use them so your not going to stop her from doing it....it's not drugs or anything like that...they're just words. I hung around drug free friends my entire school life....but boy did we have potty mouths.

I love my thing one and my thing two. I believe that children who get dirty tend to be healthier. Becoming a mother has made me into the woman I have always wanted to be. 




 




atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Nov. 12, 2009 at 9:28 AM

FYI, my parents are not living now but I NEVER cussed in front of them either, not even Damn or Shit, LOL.  I had more respect than to do it in front of them, even as an adult. 

luvmygirls-rdkr
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 9:32 AM

I think you made me feel better.  I did talk like that when I was little, but never ever ever at home.  I am glad that it isn't drugs or sex or anything that bad yet.  I waited for 18 to do anything but cuss so hopefully if I can stick with her without pushing her away I can keep her clean and innocent.  I guess if she is talking this way her friends probably do too and you are right she probably will at least around them.  Hopefully I can get enough respect from her to not have to hear her.

candygirl1030
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 9:37 AM

I have two teens (shy of 16 yr old dd and 18 yr old son)....I have told both of them that they are not to use that language around me or any other adult.  Neither of them do and I know that they surely talk like that with their friends (I did when I was young).   I would talk to your daughter and explain that it is not the way young ladies talk and if you hear her use that kind of language again then you will ground her or make her go to bed extra early, etc. 

As a side note- when I was 18 I was married and not living with my parents..,my Mom and I were out one day and I was driving, someone cut me off and I yelled "You F***ing B*tch..realizing after the fact that I just swore in front of my Mom I was terrified of what she was going to say (neither of my parents cuss)...she turned to me and ever so sweetly said " you know you really shoudn't talk like that"  That is the ONLY time I ever used that kind of language in front of my Mom (or Dad).

themountainmama
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 9:43 AM

I don't know that cursing goes hand in hand with puberty, but certainly your dd is at the age where she is becoming more autonomous and more aware of that fact.  She is realizing that she can do things behind your back and you may or may not find out.  Obviously when she does good, responsible, appropriate things you aren't too riled.  When she makes poorer choices, you take issue. 

In my house, we had/have a written set of house rules and behaviors that were expected of my kids whether they were home or away from home.  I think by modeling the behaviors you expect (not cursing yourself) and talking about the rules, you'll be helping your dd that freedoms come with expectations and consequences. 

In this case of your dd, had it been me, I would have immediately addressed this by saying 'dd, that language will not be tolerated from you.  This will be your only warning.'  Next time, I'd take away her talking priveleges, since she can't manage her mouth.  I would take away a cell phone, house phone, computer and any other means to communicate.  I'd also be her escort everywhere possible.  I'd do this for three days.  I'd just say, when I can trust you to manage your mouth according to our house rules, you'll earn the freedoms that go with it.   

Good luck.

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