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friends that get abuse

Posted by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 2:58 AM
  • 3 Replies

I truly don't understand. I had a friend who was very self motivated, had very high self esteem. She had a good job going to school had tons of friends and family. Then she met her husband. At first it was cool but then the abuse started. He broke her son leg. Left her and the kids alone with no food and no money. He cheated on her with his other baby mama. but she still stayed.

The first time she left him she only had the two kids. It was her, another friend of ours and me. We were in the middle of Pomona in the middle of the night helping her move. He was threatening to kill her and the kids. We did not know when he was coming back. but we got her and the kids out safe. What did she do she goes back with him.

To make a long story short she ended up leaving and going back with him a dozen time. Then the  police got involved and i found out later (by this time i had stopped talking to her) that her husband tried to kill her oldest son. (He is by another man the rest are by him).

He was in jail and they were not going to press charges  on her if she stays away from him. They are getting him for attempted murder on her son, child abuse and spousal abuse. But no she told out friend that she was not talking to him but she lied so now they are going to get her for child endangerment even thou she got her kids taken away from her.

Please help me understand how a women could put her man abouve her kids. There is no way in  heck i could do that. And before you guys say it she had plenty of place to go to. she has lots of family that took her in.

I also know that i don't know the whole story and i don't i just can't be friends with someone like that.

what is you opinion.

by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 2:58 AM
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by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 6:11 AM

I don't know. Anything could have happened to her to make her feel like that's all she deserves, or maybe she's truly afraid of being alone. I can't imagine subjecting my child to that, or myself, but who knows. Women do it all the time. It's a sickness and she needs to get help. 

by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 6:27 AM

I speak form experiance when I say that some women are in love and think that the man that they fell in love with and married are capable of change. No they really arent the type of man that could do that. Yes it was just a bad time and really I did do something that I knew would set him off so it is my fault. I married him knowing that he had this issue and who am I to say that I am better then that?

I was a scared woman who was afraid that he wouldn't love me still and yes we had a child that I eventually gave up for adoption because I was on the streets when I finally left him. We were together for 3 years and the whole time I was his punching bag and his mother and family were no help with the situation, his mother told me that Danny drank because I was a demanding B$%^$. I knew that was bull but that didn't stop me from trying to be less demanding. I am smart and I had potential but I wanted him to be the good man that I saw when he wasn't beating me and I thought maybe if I just try harder then I will have all of it, the good man the happy child and I would be loved.

Guess not.

by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 6:49 AM

I am one of those women who was in an abusive relationship. I'm still with the abuser, but he got help. He went through a Family Violence Intervention program, and we now go to counseling every friday. His attitude has gotten better, but at times i still worry when and what i will say that might set him off. He has not has not attempted to hurt my kids, and yes my kids have been taken away. I will get them back in February.


Staying with an abuser is like an addiction to drugs. I can honestly say that i'm addicted to my husband. But we got help. Apparently this woman does not care about her kids enough to stay from this man. I know that if one time that my husband had broken my childs leg that i would definately leave and stay gone. Once he puts his hands on my children thats the end of it. I had help, I used my help over and over again, and now i don't have any help in case my husband decides to hurt me again. I dont expect sympathy or criticism from this but i just want you to understand that its hard to get away from the addiction. The abuser gets it in the womans mind that she is only good enough to be with him and no one else. Its all a mind game, and if messed with bad enough for a certain period of time it is hard to get through it. Maybe she will realize that now he is not important that she needs to stay away. Hopefully she will get her kids back and change if she really loves them! Best wishes to her recovery! Message me if you need someone to talk to about this certain situation!


P.S. There is no way anyone would ever understand women who stay in these types of situations unless you have been through it yourself.

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