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My sister went off the deep end. PIOG sorry EDIT in blue

Posted by on Dec. 1, 2009 at 2:26 PM
  • 23 Replies

So, when I was pregnant I asked my sister if she would be my daughters god mother. At that time I thought that she was a pretty good mom, and so I figured she would be a good pick. I had no idea that at the time she was a closet alcoholic and addicted to perscription drugs. NO IDEA. So in the last 2 months or so, she has gotten out of control, stopped taking care of my niece and only staying in her room with the door closed. We all thought it was a depression and were trying to get her psychiatric care, well it turns out she has been drinking all day popping xanax and whatever else she can. My poor niece had been taking care of herself (6), since her dad, my sisters husband works 12 hour grave shifts, he had almost no idea what was going on. Lately my niece has been staying with my mom part time, and me part time. She is a complete mess, I feel so awful for her. She is acting out, and has exzema from washing her hands obsessively, also wetting the bed. I am so mad at my sister for this.

Today she is supposed to go to rehab for 30 days, hopefully she goes. Anyway, I don't want my sister to be part of my daughters life in the way of being her god mother anymore. I feel bad though because I already asked her, and at the time she was so stoked. Now I am so pissed, and disgusted. Is this wrong of me? Would I be a complete jerk to not allow her to do this anymore? How do I tell her? Any ideas?

EDIT: I am very focused on my sister's healing. Maybe I worded it wrong. I know my daughter's baptism is not as important as my sister getting better, I was just curious as to what I should do with the situation, or what I should say.

The baptism hasn't happened yet, we were planning it for next month. So, she isn't even the god mother yet. Also, I was never planning on her to be my daughters care taker if anything happen to my husband and I. I simply was planning on God mother duty to be someone special in my daughter's life, who could help out with church a little bit (since we don't go as often as we should). I would NEVER let someone care for my child who wasn't as straight as an arrow. I am a good parent, and would never let someone care for my child who was not fit. I just don't know how to handle this situation without being rude or making things worse.

by on Dec. 1, 2009 at 2:26 PM
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cmb121906
by on Dec. 1, 2009 at 2:29 PM

 Well me being as blunt as I am I would be like you cannot even take care of your own child, let alone anyone elses. Did you get all this legalized, if so you need to go undo is asap. Godparent stuff will not hold up in court anyways if it isn't made into a legal document.

 




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themountainmama
by on Dec. 1, 2009 at 2:30 PM

Gee, maybe you and your family can rally around your sister, get her the help she needs, she gets back on her feet and who knows? Maybe she'll be able to live a healthy, joyful, productive life.  Right now, rather than focusing on what happens if you die, why not help your neice get her mom back? 

AM-BRAT
by Amber on Dec. 1, 2009 at 2:30 PM

NO OFFENSE, but the LAST thing on this woman's mind is being your kids' Godparent. YES, you have every right to be bitter and resentful, but there's a larger matter at hand.

Deal with what there is right NOW, and worry about that other stuff later. "Godparent" is legally binding in no way, KWIM?

She's not gonna come over in a drunken stupor and demand to take her "Godchild" home.

SO, help her through this, do what you can do, and if she cleans up and stays consistent, leave the title there.

If she continues to just do awful, bring it up LATER. Say, "I'm sorry, you cannot be ANYTHING to my DD in your condition."

 








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DBbaby
by on Dec. 1, 2009 at 2:33 PM

Be honest with her let her know that your not comfortable with her taking care of your child.  She needs to take of her and let her know you will support ( emotionally) her for as long as she does what she need to do.

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luckygirl333
by on Dec. 1, 2009 at 2:35 PM

Thank you for responding. In no way would I leave any care up to my sister. I just considered being a God mother a privelege and maybe someone who is supposed to help with church and all of that. I just don't know how to tell her without her hating me for the rest of her life.

jabs54
by Platinum Member on Dec. 1, 2009 at 2:36 PM

I'm sorry about your sister.  That must be awful for everyone involved :(   I'm not a god parent or do my children have one but the people I know who are god parents just buy the kids gifts on holidays.  It's not like they take the child if you were to die.  That is something you put in your will.  My advice is to put that on the back burner right now.  Give your sister a chance to get clean and sober. 

AM-BRAT
by Amber on Dec. 1, 2009 at 2:41 PM

It IS a privelege, and she could end up hating you. But now is not the time. I know you're hurt and disappointed, but you need to find another way to deal with it for now, besides blurting it out to her.

In her condition, she may not even understand or care. I've been an addict. I did not care about anything. I hope I'm not hurting your feelings.

Quoting luckygirl333:

Thank you for responding. In no way would I leave any care up to my sister. I just considered being a God mother a privelege and maybe someone who is supposed to help with church and all of that. I just don't know how to tell her without her hating me for the rest of her life.


 








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deann66
by Silver Member on Dec. 1, 2009 at 2:41 PM

If you have something written up legally undo it now.

Then...Focus on being a supportive sister which is what she needs. If she gets better "your" problem is solved. If not then you don't have to add salt to her wounds by denouncing her as a god mother. Write a letter to her to only be opened after your death. Stick it away somewhere. Tell her you love her and have been rooting for her but you had to consider your child's well being so you made alternate arrangements for her care and you hope she can understand. I did this myself as my sis is a loon without drugs and I feel they would be better off with their aunt on their dads side. Chances are you will still be around til they are grown but you cover your bases just in case. She may never need to know and be hurt.

luckygirl333
by on Dec. 1, 2009 at 2:45 PM


Quoting AM-BRAT:

It IS a privelege, and she could end up hating you. But now is not the time. I know you're hurt and disappointed, but you need to find another way to deal with it for now, besides blurting it out to her.

In her condition, she may not even understand or care. I've been an addict. I did not care about anything. I hope I'm not hurting your feelings.

Quoting luckygirl333:

Thank you for responding. In no way would I leave any care up to my sister. I just considered being a God mother a privelege and maybe someone who is supposed to help with church and all of that. I just don't know how to tell her without her hating me for the rest of her life.


Don't worry, in no way are you hurting my feelings. I asked for help for a reason. Anyways, I dont think I have anything to be offended for. I'm taking care of her kid, and doing everything I can. I just can't believe all of this has happened. Thanks for wondering if you hurt my feelings though

luckygirl333
by on Dec. 1, 2009 at 2:49 PM

We have not had the baptism yet, but wanted it to be soon within a month or two. So she is not the appointed god mother yet. But, since I did ask her I feel wrong switching at the last minute. But, I am pretty positive the last person I want my daughter to have as a god mother would be her. In no way would I ever want her to care for my child. I consider a god mother just someone special in your life, who maybe helps out with church too (since we don't go as often as we should). I just don't know how I should tell her, or if it is even appropriate right now. I just wanted it to happen soon, and don't want to postpone for her problems.

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