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Alcoholism.(( Vent )) & Advice. {LONG}

Posted by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 10:14 PM
  • 15 Replies

LONG STORY PLEASE LISTEN!. I'm 20 years old, and have lived with alcoholics my entire life. My dad, All six of my older brothers, My mom until she passed away, My grandfather. Almost everyone. My one brother named Nick had lived at my dads while I still lived there and after my mom passed he was like my dad's baby. He helped with my little brothers did everything that had to be done around the house and just normal stuff usually a motherly figure would do. He too is an alcoholic.Then it came down to this. He was extremely sick from drinking from the time he woke until the time he went to bed. He was unhappy with his life because he felt like my dads slave and blamed my dads drinking problem on the way he was. He was then hospitalized because he developed Cirrus of the liver. Got out of the hospital relapsed over and over again. Finally my brother Jon his GF and their two kids took him in, They had the opportunity to send him to Massey ( a treatment center ) he went and stayed sober for a year. Well prior to him being sober when he was really bad off, he went through this binge where he did nothing but drink for days and didn't eat sleep whatever. Everyone owed him everything! he would walk around and yell and say that my little brothers were his and my dads house was his and my dad doesn't deserve them blah blah. It was so quite and peaceful and relieving once he went into treatment. Well this past new years 2010' My brother Jon called me ( the one whom he lived with ) and asked if I had talked to him at all over the weekend because he hadn't heard from him. Sure enough I called him and I could just tell in his voice he had been drinking. So he relapsed . And once again we're going on the binge where is making everyone's life a living hell. my sister lives with me, and he hasn't called me since he relapsed because the last time he relapsed I offered my advice, I shared my sympathy, I cried, I let it bother me and I let it effect my life. This time I cannot. so he calls my sister tonight. Of Course he says Jon and Jessica are kicking me out, I'm moving back in with dad. jons house is my house because i payed rent if it weren't for me they wouldn't have that house I helped them more then anyone else I'm more of a dad then Jon is I get out of bed and get up the kids all Jon does is yell blah blah. So I tell her, " Lorre! Don't answer his calls! " because at this point you're the only one that listens to him and gets upset for him. Iam familiar with the show Intervention, and Ive had ENOUGH with alcoholics in my life, So why should I allow my DS to be around that and think that it is okay to live like this? Granted hes two Y/O but still. I hated living like that and watching mommy and daddy drunk all the time and getting taken away and put into CPS care. It was awful. What I'm getting at is how do i deal with this? I feel bad for my dad when he puts him through things like this. Like he made the comment hes going to get my little brothers back to listening because hes the one that raised them. In fact he did not. He helped. I'm thankful he did so.  IDK. Im just hurting inside because this is my brother. Some1 I was suppose to look up too. When he was sober he had so much going for him such as getting his driving liscense, kept a job seemed very happy. I guess he wasn't. How do i get passed this?? do I continue not to talk to him. Do I try? What if he continues to make everyone miserable? like i said he hasn't contacted me, I feel that he is ashamed of himself when he talks to me. because I wont listen to his sad stories. And i don't agree that the whole world owes him everything. I just simply hang up and move on to what I was  doing. thanks for listening and please  don't bash.thanks for your advice.

by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 10:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
buttercup7707
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 10:23 PM

I have had some experience with alcoholics. My ex husband was an abusive one. Three years after I divorced him I married a wonderful guy, but two years after I married him I found out he's a closet drunk. Getting rid of an abusive husband is hard but easy to deal with once you leave. I love my now husband, who's not abusive but skirts the subject of help. I don't know that I can begin to give you advice about a sibling. The only thing I can say is follow your heart and try to find your way past an alcoholics guilt trip. I do this with my husband, it saves my sanity. Do what is right for you. I know it's not much help but good luck.

zachzmomma07
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 10:32 PM


Quoting buttercup7707:

I have had some experience with alcoholics. My ex husband was an abusive one. Three years after I divorced him I married a wonderful guy, but two years after I married him I found out he's a closet drunk. Getting rid of an abusive husband is hard but easy to deal with once you leave. I love my now husband, who's not abusive but skirts the subject of help. I don't know that I can begin to give you advice about a sibling. The only thing I can say is follow your heart and try to find your way past an alcoholics guilt trip. I do this with my husband, it saves my sanity. Do what is right for you. I know it's not much help but good luck.

thanks. Its ridiculously hard.IDK why, Its so much easier to just brush my other brothers off and my dad. but with him I guess because we were very close when he was sober. IDK. I guess I just wont talk to him.

RyansMommy6407
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 10:37 PM

I also grew up w/ alcoholics/drug addics. I know how it is. Alcoholism is truly a disease. I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you, other than don't make his problem your problem. You will drive your self crazy running around after an addict.

I'm here for ya... bump

owinj
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 10:43 PM

you should write the intervention show. Im so sorry I dont know what to say, but someone needs to listen to you and quit enabling him. but this shouldnt all fall on you. You have to be there for your family. get to alanon or some counseling you need support.

Owin

hech2392
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 10:53 PM

Wow, it sounds like you are in a tough situation.  I guess if I were you I would continue on with my life.  You can't change who he is and what he does.  He has to do that on his own.  You can help arrange for help for him, but that's about it.

Lil_ol_me9306
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:33 PM

I know how you feel, sweetie.  My mother and father were both drunks and druggies.  My mother was so stoned and drunk that she didn't realize her live-in boyfriend was molesting and abusing me for nine months when I was 4.  He almost killed me and it wasn't until she found me in a blood-soaked bed nearly dead that she realized what he was doing to me.  She got worse after I came home from the hospital (was in a drug-induced coma for a week due to sever damage to my skull, a crack down the middle from my forehead to the back of my skull that I still deal with to this day) and totally abandoned me.  I had to deal with what happened to me by myself and comfort my mother and sister.  She gave up the bottle when I was 10, but continued to lie to me about her drug use until I cut her out of my life a week before Thanksgiving this last year.  I'm sorry sweetie, but until they decide they want to stop and stop for good, there is nothing you can do.  I would suggest you just do what you feel you need to do to make your son and your lives happy.  If that means cutting the problems out, then do it.  Be strong.  I'm very proud of you for not following in their footsteps.

zachzmomma07
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:47 PM


Quoting Lil_ol_me9306:

I know how you feel, sweetie.  My mother and father were both drunks and druggies.  My mother was so stoned and drunk that she didn't realize her live-in boyfriend was molesting and abusing me for nine months when I was 4.  He almost killed me and it wasn't until she found me in a blood-soaked bed nearly dead that she realized what he was doing to me.  She got worse after I came home from the hospital (was in a drug-induced coma for a week due to sever damage to my skull, a crack down the middle from my forehead to the back of my skull that I still deal with to this day) and totally abandoned me.  I had to deal with what happened to me by myself and comfort my mother and sister.  She gave up the bottle when I was 10, but continued to lie to me about her drug use until I cut her out of my life a week before Thanksgiving this last year.  I'm sorry sweetie, but until they decide they want to stop and stop for good, there is nothing you can do.  I would suggest you just do what you feel you need to do to make your son and your lives happy.  If that means cutting the problems out, then do it.  Be strong.  I'm very proud of you for not following in their footsteps.

Thanks to all of you. Its very hurtful. As im sure you know. Im sorry about what you had to go through also. Its awful. I dont have the urge to drink. Thats why I dont get it.  Also, we tried doing an intervention ( off tv ) it was expensive. 3000 or so. IDK. Im thankful that I can vent on CM and people can relate and understand. Thanks again.

wishbearmom
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:56 PM

Oh sweetie. I'm not going to stand in judgment of you, and it's beyond sad that you even have to say "no bashing." Anyone with a heart wouldn't bash someone who's living through the kind of hell you are. Both of my parents were alcoholics. I don't know if I can offer any helpful advice, but OH how I can empathize, listen, support you...PM me if you need ANYTHING! It defines who you are...but somehow you still have to build a life for yourself - one that's not about enabling or being a victim...I'm not an expert by any means, but I'm here if you just need to vent.

zachzmomma07
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:58 PM


Quoting wishbearmom:

Oh sweetie. I'm not going to stand in judgment of you, and it's beyond sad that you even have to say "no bashing." Anyone with a heart wouldn't bash someone who's living through the kind of hell you are. Both of my parents were alcoholics. I don't know if I can offer any helpful advice, but OH how I can empathize, listen, support you...PM me if you need ANYTHING! It defines who you are...but somehow you still have to build a life for yourself - one that's not about enabling or being a victim...I'm not an expert by any means, but I'm here if you just need to vent.

thanks so much.

zachzmomma07
by on Jan. 19, 2010 at 12:02 AM

thank u to all of you.

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