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Would you have done this? Friends help,my advice (a bit long)

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 2:41 AM
  • 14 Replies

 

So my friend  was having marriage problems and normally I don't get involved. But I have great concern for this friend as he and me have a relationship different from anyone he has ever had, we have an understanding that his wife will never have, doesn't mean that he doesn't love her but that he has a different love for me then her. But still friends love.

Anyways I wanted to know what was making him so depressed that he was thinking about leaving his wife I thought things were going great for them they were even expecting baby #2. So naturally I asked. He told me that his wife had purposely gotten pregnant because it was a competition between his wife and sister, he did not know this. It is not the child that upsets him but in which the child was conceived. He felt abused and unloved because of this.

So knowing him and how he thinks, I told him to take some time to himself to figure out what he really wants now. He had decided that he wanted a devorce that he didnt want to be with someone that had done something that is suppose to be meaningful, and made it to something of a game. SO of course I had said that it was his decision. I would say this to any of my friends it the best advice on most situations.

I had mention that he should get away from family for a while maybe come see me but nothing more then friends. She did find our conversations, which doesn't bother me at all. She blew out of proportions. I did explain that I didn't want him to come up here because I wanted him because I had my chance I did court him years ago but nothing more. Which is why we will always have a certain relationship that has love but not in the way of lovers.

I did feel as if she was being too jealous, I did mention it too her. I also mention that if she wanted to talk about a problem to someone other then family doesn't she? Don't we all? She also brought up that she knows EVERYTHING about her husband how is it possible to know EVERYTHING about someone? I don't think it is, I did say I know something about him that she didn't and that I was not going to tell her for my safety, his safety and because she was way to pissed off to even consider what I have to say.

All I want to know is what I did wrong? Would you have done the same thing for your friend(s)?

CafeMom Tickers
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 2:41 AM
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Replies (1-10):
funmommy123
by Bronze Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 2:50 AM

If i was the wife I would be pissed too if my dh was talking about our problems to a girl that he dated or had a thing with. I know you don't want him like that, but think about if you were married or had a BF would you want him to be telling someone who claims that she and your man have a type of love that you and your S/O don't have, about ya'lls problems and then she invites him to go over to her place for a breather. If he wants to think things through, I don't see a problem with him staying with family or what about a male friend? Staying with another female is just going to add more problems. JMO

funmommy123
by Bronze Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 2:51 AM

OH I forgot to answer the question LOL. No I wouldn't have invited him to come stay with me.

college.mom0f2
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 2:56 AM

JMO but you say that his wife will never understand him like you do.  To me that is saying she isnt good enough honestly.  Thats just what I think.  I wouldnt have done it, he is married, it is crossing the line in my opinion.

PrincessMermaid
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 3:31 AM

Im sorry to say this hon, really. But if I was the wife, and I wanted to try and make it work, and some ex, (and sorry but if u ever courted your still considered an ex), I would be very upset and she will blame you for the rest of your life if the two of them don't end up back together. The guy is better off on his own, maybe staying in a motel or with a friend, (who is a GUY), for a while, until he makes a final decision. And girl, the decision is NOT final, until he signs divorce papers and makes it final. You don't want to have him at your house when and if he makes this final step. If he does, he should be on his own, so his wife understands that HE made the decision and you had NOTHING to do with it. If he is at your house, she'll believe, forever that he made it "Because of you".

Allergic2Stupid
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 5:56 AM

Not ok.  Definitely not ok.  You just added more fuel to an already volatile situation.  I'd be beyond angry if I was his wife.  Use your head next time!!

deann66
by Silver Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 7:23 AM

You sound like you consider your relationship with him better then his wifes. I would be getting your butt out of the picture. I think this guy is trying to have his cake and eat it to. Drama waiting to happen

Firewoman33
by Silver Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 8:12 AM

I agree with all of the pp's.

Kesstan
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 8:19 AM

I agree w/ this. also, saying to his wife " I know something you don't but will not tell you" is just childish in itself. why even bring it up if you had no intentions of telling her? are you trying to make her jealous or even more upset?

Quoting deann66:

You sound like you consider your relationship with him better then his wifes. I would be getting your butt out of the picture. I think this guy is trying to have his cake and eat it to. Drama waiting to happen


Bookoholic
by Silver Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 12:52 PM

I do plan on telling her, I just wasn't going to tell her in the state of mind she was being. For the thinking I am better then her I am not, I don't think she is bad for him, and I understand where u are all coming from. I wasn't nessacarily saying that he should come over to my place, becuase it wasn't going to happen I don't live in the same state as him I was just giving him an example. I did apoligize to the wife tho for any think I may have done.

Ps I didn't write everything I said to the T on here some of it is improvision, So while it is close enough just want to let ya'll know.

Quoting Kesstan:

I agree w/ this. also, saying to his wife " I know something you don't but will not tell you" is just childish in itself. why even bring it up if you had no intentions of telling her? are you trying to make her jealous or even more upset?

Quoting deann66:

You sound like you consider your relationship with him better then his wifes. I would be getting your butt out of the picture. I think this guy is trying to have his cake and eat it to. Drama waiting to happen

 


CafeMom Tickers
CullenLover
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 12:59 PM

I would have done the same thing. I have several guy friends who are more like brothers to me . and  i know he has girl friends who understnad him in ways i dont, thats how it is sometimes. i have friends 15+ yrs, i dont see what you did wrong imo. and she is only being the way she is b/c she is GUILTY over what she has done.

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