So, my boy is literally ALL BOY. He's almost 5 and is easy to get to "tag along" with what the other boys are doing. We have a neighbor boy who is 7 who comes over to play a lot. My son loves him a lot and they play all day long. Sure, they have their fights. The neighbor boy likes to throw his weight around because he is bigger and he knows it. He also gets my son to do things he knows he's not suppose to be doing.
I pretty lax on what the boys do in the house. So long as they aren't making a huge mess. They love to dress up in the Batman and Spiderman Halloween costumes that I have out for them and play super heros. This usually means a lot of running around and tragic death scenes. I'm okay with some horsing around, but I do not tolerate jumping on the bed. I caught them both doing that today and I'm sick with the flu so I was simply not in the mood to have them behaving this way. I told them that if I caught them at ti again that the neighbor boy would go home and my son would have to sit in the corner. 30 minutes later they did one step worse. They were crawling up on top of the headboard and dive bombing down onto the mattress. I stormed in there and told the neighbor kid to go home. My son immediately erupts into tears. He begs me not to send him home. I put him the corner and the neighbor boy starts putting on his snow pants and coat to head out. My son looks at me and snarls, "I'm going to go and live with my dad." This got him a swift smack on the butt. He eventually settles down and asks me if he will ever be able to play with the neighbor boy again. I said he could come over tomorrow but if he keeps breaking the rules than he will have to be sent home again. My son told me that the neighbor boy told him to jump on the bed, which I rather believe. The neighbor boy is consistently telling my son to do things and then tells him not to tell me, but I hear it. I've told him that we do not keep secrets from Mom and if he keeps telling my boy to keep secrets from me, he will no longer be allowed to come over and play.
The other day he was telling my son to hit and "inprision" our kitten. I told them on several occasions to leave the cat alone. Instead, the older boy would whisper something to my boy and then they'd try to hide the fact that they were being mean to the cat. Finally, the cat got mad at the older boy being so mean to him, he reached up and got him good across the cheek. When he tried to hit the cat for scratching him, I told him not to touch him because he totally deserved being scratched. I told him if he keeps it up, he's going home.
Then around Christmas he comes over to play. I had just wrapped some presents for our relatives. I told my son, who was very excited about them as he did not see me wrap them, that they were not for him and that they were from the relatives. Behind my back the neighbor boy convinced my boy to let him open the smallest of the gifts. It was necklace for my niece. Obviously, neither one of them were interested in this, so the neighbor boy quickly got on his coat and boots and ran up to his house with the necklace. I was not aware that anything had happened. Because my son was acting so guilty, I waited for the neighbor kid to show back up and asked him what was going on. He got nervous as soon as he saw me. His eyes were like saucers. He told me that he just went up to tell his mom that he loved her and give get hugs and kisses. Well, I obviously didn't believe him and I looked back at my son. I sat down with him and looked right at him.
"What's going on, Aiden?" I asked him.
He looked real guilty. The neighbor boy again repeated his lie. I glared and him and he shut up.
"What did you guys do, Aiden? If you do not tell me, Santa Claus is going to know you misbehaved and lied to your mommy and he's not going to visit you this year."
He instnatly gave me a hug and said he was sorry.
"Sorry about what?"
He told me he opened up the present and the neighbor ran it up and gave it to his mom in an attempt to hide it. I had him go up there and get it back from his mother. They still got to play that day, but things have not gotten any better since then when it came to them misbehaving in these ways.
It just seems like that boy is always misbehaving. He's even told me that I'm going to go to jail because I put my son in the corner and sent him home. I was ready to spank HIM at that point and put him the corner. I didn't, of course, but that child needs some serious discipline. I'm not sure how to deal with the situation. He and Aiden play well together otherwise and my son would be broken hearted if I never let him come over and play again. Besides, it would be impossible to keep them from playing together anyway because they go to school together and play in the same yard and everything. I just do not appreciate his disrespect for my authority and the fact that he's leading my boy into doing things they both know they should not be doing.
Have you tried talking to his parents? I know you want them to be able to play together but there does come a time when enough is enough. 5 is a very impressionable age and right now you have control of him but hopefully he won't keep any of the bad habits shown him from the neighbor kid. Good luck.
Oh girl I went throught the same situation! We lived in a two family condo and quickly became best friends with the whole family. Our sons dressed up in costumes too! It quickly became apperant that my friend and I had VERY different parenting styles. In our case the behavioral issues escalated into the boy being cruel and bullying
I honestly think the child was a sociopath! Our sons would be playing with us watching, the boy would be saying terrible things to my son with a smile on his face looking his mother in the eye. Also, he would throw the ball in the street (on purpose)and say "Noah, go get the ball" My friend would cry to me at night over this, eventually we couldn't put our son in danger and they had to be supervised. My friend would say "Jessica, I believe in attachment parenting, we just are differnt kind of parents." I told her that I stopped spanking Noah a month after they moved in, bc I realized it wasn't needed.
Long story short, our ped told us he thought it would be best to keep Noah as far away from the child as possible. No more contact. This OUTRAGED my neighbor (mom) that my son hurt her sons feelings by not playing with him. Mind you this child had ran my son over with his bike, locked him in his parents room, pushed him off a 3 ft porch with us standing right there bc he thought it would be funny amonst many other things with never even getting so much as a freaking time out!
Sorry that turned into a vent!
I didn't see that you asked for advice, but have you talked to his mother? Before cutting ties, we started to give the neighbor boy time outs from Noah. When he would be mean, Noah would come inside and he would sit outside. It did work for a while. I guess it would depend on the child and his parents. Our situation never did get better. I broke her nose, her son never came near mine again!
I don't know his parents very well. They have helped us out some with watching our kids for a few hours here and there and I appreciate their help. They are nice people and I'm not even sure their mom really knows what her boy is leading my boy into. They generally play well together. I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that he's the bigger, older boy and is therefore the rule maker and the leader. He's also a round kid with glasses and I think he gets bullied at school, this is why he's misbehaving and leading my son astray.
Quoting jessicap79:Oh girl I went throught the same situation! We lived in a two family condo and quickly became best friends with the whole family. Our sons dressed up in costumes too! It quickly became apperant that my friend and I had VERY different parenting styles. In our case the behavioral issues escalated into the boy being cruel and bullying
I honestly think the child was a sociopath! Our sons would be playing with us watching, the boy would be saying terrible things to my son with a smile on his face looking his mother in the eye. Also, he would throw the ball in the street (on purpose)and say "Noah, go get the ball" My friend would cry to me at night over this, eventually we couldn't put our son in danger and they had to be supervised. My friend would say "Jessica, I believe in attachment parenting, we just are differnt kind of parents." I told her that I stopped spanking Noah a month after they moved in, bc I realized it wasn't needed.
Long story short, our ped told us he thought it would be best to keep Noah as far away from the child as possible. No more contact. This OUTRAGED my neighbor (mom) that my son hurt her sons feelings by not playing with him. Mind you this child had ran my son over with his bike, locked him in his parents room, pushed him off a 3 ft porch with us standing right there bc he thought it would be funny amonst many other things with never even getting so much as a freaking time out!
Sorry that turned into a vent!
I didn't see that you asked for advice, but have you talked to his mother? Before cutting ties, we started to give the neighbor boy time outs from Noah. When he would be mean, Noah would come inside and he would sit outside. It did work for a while. I guess it would depend on the child and his parents. Our situation never did get better. I broke her nose, her son never came near mine again!
Very early on when my kids were tiny, I had to institute a basic rule. If children are at my house, they follow MY rules. I didn't care what the other parents rules were. I was the "hardass" mom.
I wrote the rules down & what the punishment would be for not following the rules. I went over it with my kids and kept it posted on the fridge.
When they had friends over, Or my siblings brought their kids over, I would go over the house rules with them and what the punishment would be for not following the rules - I would put other people's kids in time out, same as mine. If they did something that deserved grounding. They were grounded from playing with my children for x# of days. My kids weren't allowed to even play with them at school. MY kids would get in trouble for not following a grounding.
It didn't take long for my kids to stop getting into trouble with other kids, and it stopped other kids from getting into trouble at my house.
Hi from Nana Judy, first of all you made a huge mistake by allowing this kid to play at your house for the rest of the day after he STOLE FROM YOU AND LIED TO YOU. THIS BEHAVIOR WARRANTED AT LEAST A WEEK OF NOT BEING ALLOWED IN YOUR HOME. Please be so very careful about having this boy around around you child. A 5 year old is very impressionable and this kid is determined to get your son into trouble. But, my BIGGEST CONCERN IS THE OLDER BOY HURTING ANIMALS. You ask any expert and they will tell you that this behavior is in the background in almost every violent offender - murderers, serial killers, etc. NO, I'm NOT saying that at 9, he's a killer, but it's evidence of potentially violent behavior - the desire to hurt something smaller than himself and helpless (like the cat and your son)!!!and you must be careful. I don't want to sound like I'm freaking out here - but I almost am. Stealing, lying, hurting animals - put it all together and see what you get. Now, there IS a chance you can help him but you have to find a way to get him to open up about his problems at home - and I'll guarantee that's where his problems are. And, I suspect his father; maybe his mother. If you choose to try and help this boy - lay down firm rules and do not back down. He seems, from what you said that his main goal is to get your son to do what he's doing . this makes HIM not feel so completely guilty if someone else goes along with it PLEASE, PLEASE be careful with your child. I would not recomment allowing them outside together. Look what they've done in the house with you right there!!! NOT blaming you - his kid is sneaky. Please be careful. Your son is at stake. You vulnerable 5 year old is very easily led by a 7 year old, but what about when he gets to be 7 and the other kid is 9 - what then. Your son will have learned an awful lot from this kid. Just be watchful. I don't trust him. Can you try and find out, about his family life by subtly asking the right questions. Kids will open up in the right setting - if they feel safe. Please email if you like. I'm truly not nuts. I promise!!! God Bless you, Nana Judy (jumeaujs1@aol.com)
IMHO you need to stress the imprtance of the rules in your home.To both boys.Your son needs to know if the other boy doesnt follow the rules he needs to come to you.That in the future you will NOT tolerate leing,toturing the cat,jumping on beds etc.You also might ban them from playing in your sons room.Keep them in the livingroom where you can see and hear whats going on. I know 5 is young but if you dont somehow get thru to your son the he is not to follow others when breaking the rules.He will always be a follower. Stress to him how important it is for him to lead with the rules of his home in place.Explain that from now on its folow the rules or he goes right home.No more chances.If it happens 3 times in a week then they will take a week break from each other.Sene them out to play !
Surround yourself with people that add to your life not subtract from it.
I LIKE THIS
Quoting StarShore:
Very early on when my kids were tiny, I had to institute a basic rule. If children are at my house, they follow MY rules. I didn't care what the other parents rules were. I was the "hardass" mom.
I wrote the rules down & what the punishment would be for not following the rules. I went over it with my kids and kept it posted on the fridge.
When they had friends over, Or my siblings brought their kids over, I would go over the house rules with them and what the punishment would be for not following the rules - I would put other people's kids in time out, same as mine. If they did something that deserved grounding. They were grounded from playing with my children for x# of days. My kids weren't allowed to even play with them at school. MY kids would get in trouble for not following a grounding.
It didn't take long for my kids to stop getting into trouble with other kids, and it stopped other kids from getting into trouble at my house.
I try to be careful who my kids hang around with because peer pressure can be more influential then parental guidlines.
Well, I spoke briefly with his mother the other day. I told her what had happened and she told me that he has been dinosed for ADHD but that she refuses to give her child medication because she doesn't believe in it. She has to give him meds at school because they called social services on her about it before. She admitted that she would just move and switch schools when they finally tried to pressure her in making sure her child was medicated before class. He only takes it at school currently.
She told me that boys will be boys and that they are naturally hyper and excited. Which is true to an extent, but lying is not just being a boy and neither is keeping secrets. I tried to bring up the stealing incident with the present and she laughed and said it was funny. I'm really at a loss with this woman. . .
Then it's time for your son to find some different friends.
Quoting Celtic_Dragon:
Well, I spoke briefly with his mother the other day. I told her what had happened and she told me that he has been dinosed for ADHD but that she refuses to give her child medication because she doesn't believe in it. She has to give him meds at school because they called social services on her about it before. She admitted that she would just move and switch schools when they finally tried to pressure her in making sure her child was medicated before class. He only takes it at school currently.
She told me that boys will be boys and that they are naturally hyper and excited. Which is true to an extent, but lying is not just being a boy and neither is keeping secrets. I tried to bring up the stealing incident with the present and she laughed and said it was funny. I'm really at a loss with this woman. . .
Kenzie
Check out my blog: http://macklanddiares.blogspot.com
Join us on 
Advice for Moms -- Group Mod
what's the best way to...
- Celtic_Dragon
on Feb. 6, 2010 at 8:24 PM