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Would this upset you? UPDATED

Posted by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 11:26 AM
  • 18 Replies

My son is 9 and that one kid in class who everyone picks on, he has very few friends and so is rarely invited to parties or anything. Well one of his only school friends (a girl, not that it matters to the situation) invited him to her birthday party. She told him about it about 2 weeks ago yet never gave him an invitation. I let him know, without an invitation with time, place etc...he would not be able to go. So the party is TODAY and yesterday when I got him home from school there was a written note on like note pad paper that said "Sat 2/20 at about 5 or 5:30. Sleepover. No boys Journey Hope you attend. To Journey From Alexis"

So I am thinking well he must be invited just not for the sleepover but where is it? Journey said she mentioned a grandpas but I have no idea where he lives. So Journey was so sad for a couple hours thinking he would not be able to go because of no addy (not to mention the couple weeks he was anxious over if he would get an actual invite or not). We do not have moms new phone number.   "Luckily" (I thought) Alexis called in the evening to verify he could come and gave him the address. So he was ll happy all night. We went out and got her a present, wrapped it up. He picked out a special card and was all set to go even tho it was last minute. He woke up this morning and the minute he woke up he asked how long until the party? At 9 am Alexis called to say the party is cancelled because she was bad. Journey is handling it well but I can tell he is very disapponited. I spent time last night birthday gift shopping when I had tons to do at home. I am upset. I keep telling myself the mom has every right to choose her childs consequence but I just think it sucks to "punish" the friends who was looking forward to it also. Would you have taken a party away as a punishment?

UPDATE: I suspected the party would be held this weekend so I made a big deal about Saturday being a game day at home with me. Play games, rent movies, snuggle in bed all day LOL...sounds boring but my kids love it. We order pizza and eat it in bed....its like being in a hotel to them LOL. SO my son came home today and said "Alexis said I could come to her party Saturday." I said "Oh ok. I am glad we kept the present" and he said "I told her I already had plans and wasn't breaking them again for her. She shouldn't have been bad" I am proud of him. But I still feel bad he's missing the party...even if it was his choice.

I still think the whole thing stinks. What was the point of taking away the party if its just being given back this week? The guests are the only ones inconvenienced.

by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 11:26 AM
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Replies (1-10):
dosthepost
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 11:29 AM

That really depends on what happened... There are some things that I would cancel a party for. And as a parent I would expect the other parents to understand that I needed to discipline my child. 

dosthepost
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 11:31 AM

On a side note, maybe take your son out to do something today to make up for it? I would be disappointed for my child, but I wouldn't be upset with the other parent.

deann66
by Silver Member on Feb. 20, 2010 at 11:31 AM

Yeah. I keep telling myself that. I have cancelled play dates before and I see that as being similar. I just feel bad for my baby. :(

dosthepost
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 11:35 AM

Maybe see if one of his friends can come play today. You could take them both to mcd's or something.

Quoting deann66:

Yeah. I keep telling myself that. I have cancelled play dates before and I see that as being similar. I just feel bad for my baby. :(


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Wyndi
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 11:36 AM

 I agree withDos.

As for the other part of what you said about your son being picked on at school, Please look into the Anti Bullying law and see how your school has adapted it for them. Once you have knowledge on it contact your schools principal and name names, let them know that the next step is to file a police report and Prosecutors office. I have had to do this and have had to file a police report to get the bullying stopped. In the case where I filed a sexual harrassment / bullying police report the other was expelled from the school.

 

Formernavybrat, former navywife, And Future navyMom.

kristielee79
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 11:37 AM

No, I would NEVER use a party as punishment! That only forms resentment. I am sooo sorry this happened to your son : (   My oldest doesn't have a ton of friends in school either because she actually has 2 parents who are married an don't live in government housing and she isn' t allowed to run the streets alone at 8 years old (that's a whole other topic! LOL), but a few years ago she had a bday party and the only kids to show up were her cousins. I felt terrible and decided that bdays are overrated and I'd rather have her a huge FAMILY party somewehre she wants to go!!!! Hugs to your little guy!!

farrah
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 11:42 AM

I wouldn't ever cancel a party the day of. I think its disrespectful to your guest who have already planned their day, purchased a gift, etc etc. I mean the child would have to burn the house down for me to do that.

As for your son, I am so sorry. I can't imagine as a parent how you must feel. YOu want to protect them from the hurt and pain of other kids. I would say make today extra special by doing something fun, maybe let him plan something for the family to do.

Crissy2424
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 11:43 AM

I would say it was not good to cancell the party because other parents may have bought a gift and made time out of their own schedules. I would have, if I had to cancell the party, re-scheduled it for the next day or following weekend. Or I would have let the party happened but told my child that she is grounded or something like that for so long of a period. I would tell Journey to bring the present to school or make time to drop it off to the mom and let the mom give it to her little girl when she sees fit. That way you didn't buy a present and have wasted money.

deann66
by Silver Member on Feb. 20, 2010 at 12:10 PM
I already told him we would go see a movie and hes happy about that. Its just not the same as a party ya know? LOL. But thanks for the replies. I am glad to know I am not the only one who would be upset. I do get its her choice but I think it was rude to the guests who, like PPs said, change schedules to attend the party. I had wanted to go visit my son who lives 2 hours away and would have been MAD to have changed my plans for the party. My dd has a party to go to also which is keeping us from going to my sons too or I would be mad because I didn't make plans to visit him because of a party that was cancelled. If that makes sense...I am rambling LOL
Bos_Boo
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 12:44 PM

It wouldn't upset me and if the kid did something she wasn't supposed to then I wouldn't think twice about canceling the party.

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