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How much are your parents involved?

Posted by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 12:49 AM
  • 21 Replies

I'm asking this question because I never have had my parents (or in-laws) ask about my children or even to see my children. My parents live 10 minutes away from us have seen DS2 three times and SD6 one time in the last 30 days. My in laws 45 mins away from us and haven't seen either child since xmas. I am the type of parent when DS learns something new or SD gets straight A's on her report card I will run to the top of the highest mountain and scream it to the world so my entire family always knows the latest about my children. So I don't give them the option to ask, but here is my thing. As for seeing the kids one time was for their dads bday the two time with DS was because we both worked on a Saturday and had no daycare. Well now my mom has every Sunday planned out for the next 3 months so they wont be doing that now. So the other 27 days of the month why do we have to pack up the kids at 7 PM (because thats the time my mom is home and done with dinner) drive ten minutes to spend an hour pack the kids up to go home kicking and screaming so they can get their baths and ready for school the next day. Most of my frustration is coming because my mom when they actually do see my kids tell my 6 yr old "You need to come see grandma and papa more so tell mom and dad to bring you out to our house more often cause we miss you." Maybe I'm just being sellfish

by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 12:49 AM
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by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 1:25 AM

 first off, I totally agree that if THEY want to see YOUR kids.. they should come to you! Its hard packing up kids, even for just a ten minute drive, and especially at 7pm! Heck, DS goes to bed around 7:30.  I would just sit her down and talk to her about it... maybe they haven't even thought of the possibility of coming to see you? (idk, you never know)

Your question was 'how much are your parents involved'. Well, my situation may be unique because DS is the first grandson on both sides, so, everyone kind of goes crazy for him. We just moved a couple hours away from our family, but when we lived close, my parents saw him at least 2x a week, and MIL saw him at least once a week, and FIL saw him about once a month. Now that we live 2 hours away, my family still manages to visit us about once a month, and i go back home once a month.. AND we all got webcams so we could talk and see eachother online! (ha.. we are kind of close)

But NO, i don't think you are being selfish. Tell them to make some effort!

by Platinum Member on Mar. 6, 2010 at 1:30 AM

My parents are VERY involved with my son.  They see him all of the time and he spends the night at their house about once a month.  He is 2 1/2 and will cry to go over their house.  They talk on the phone at least once a day and see him at least twice a week.  My mom hates going on vacation for an entire week because it means she won't be able to see him that long.  They live 15 minutes away.

Hubby's parents are another story.  They used to live 5 minutes away.  Hubby's dad didn't see DS until he was 6 months old and that was only because we went to their house for Christmas.  His mom has seen him maybe a dozen times, enough that he knows who she is and calls her "other grandma."  They really make no effort though and honestly, we don't agree with a lot they do so we don't really make an effort either.

by Elisabeth on Mar. 6, 2010 at 1:40 AM

Your parents should be coming to you sometimes.  It's great to bring the kids by your parents once in a while but with the difficulty of packing up kids, if your parents want to see them, they should come to you.  Especially since they live so close.  It's easier for them to come to you than for you to go to them.

My dad hasn't been to see my daughter much, but when he does, it's usually at my house.  My mom, though, sees her at least once every couple weeks, usually more.  If I have cause to be in her area, we'll go there.  But if my disabled mother wants to see her first grandchild when I can't come to her, she'll make the 30-45 minute drive to our house.  Seeing her granddaughter is important enough to her to make a long drive that could aggravate the pain she's always in.

My husbands parents unfortunately live too far away to see her often.  They've only been able to come a couple of times since she was born.

CafeMom Tickers
by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 7:43 AM

My MIL was cut out of our lives 3 years ago, so my husband's side of the family is non-existant. YEA!!!

As for My parents, they're awesome!! They don't go more than 2 days without seeing my munchkins, my oldest DD stays every Friday night at their house, they put in a HUGE swimming pool last year and my Dad said it was all for the kids, they bought the kids a big swingset from the Amish and had them install it in their backyard, they buy them whatever they want, we always eat holiday dinners at their house.........and they wonder why I DON'T want to move!

 But guess what?? I TAKE my kids down to THEIR house!!!  Don't YOU want to see your parents or in-laws yourself???? IDK, I have a great relationship with them, so I like to go to hang out and chat too.

by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 8:19 AM

our parents are involved as much as they can being that we're 1100 miles from them. they try and come out every 3 months or so and we try to make at least 1 trip down there to see them but its alot easier for them to come up.

id be pissed if our parents were like yours. they can make the 10 minute trip to you sometimes, if seeing the kids is that important. they seem very selfish and i would let them know that!

by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 12:10 PM

Quoting kchaos85:

Well, my situation may be unique because DS is the first grandson on both sides,

my son is the first born and only grandchild on my side.

by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 12:15 PM

Thanks for the replies.. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't nuts. I love seeing my parents that is why they still see my kids but its really hard when my kids adore my parents and cry for them but my parents don't make the effort for the kids. Lets put it this way every friday night my parents go to a bar that you can see from standing at my front door but they never make the effort to stop at my house.

by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 12:17 PM

MY parents lived 5 hours away when my girls were little.. and they were pretty involved. Then we moved closer to my parents when the girls were 2 and 4.  I was very lucky that my parents were very involved.. not pushy but visited here and there.

they also always watched the girls when DH and I would travel. 

I know we are very lucky that they are STILL involved in their lives.. even at this age. My girls adore their granparents  still, even though they drive us crazy sometimes.

I would ask your Mom to make it easier on the boys if they would come and visit during the week. It would give her more visiting time and maybe they could even do the nighttime thing with them.  Your parents probably deep down know how important a routine is, but forget since they are not right in the middle of it.

Maybe they could be there when the boys get up from their nap.. have dinner.. then drive home when it is not too late for them.

I don't know why relatives make the "come and see me comment" my sil does it still and it drives me crazy too.

All you can do is ask ... they just might surprise you!


Good luck    remember--family "gotta love 'em"



by Silver Member on Mar. 6, 2010 at 1:57 PM

My inlaws see Antonio, 21 months, usually 2 times a month because they live closer.  My parents see him a few times a year, usually holidays.  If you are comfortable make a plan with whoever grandparents and switch who sees who on certain days of the year or month.  Stick with plan too.

by Barb on Mar. 6, 2010 at 2:01 PM

Taking the children there at 7PM is too late for small children.

My parents kept the children a lot, but they rarely came here (they lived 15 minutes away) we always had to go there. They came here maybe once a year.

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