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Struggling badly with my Dad's death

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 11:15 PM
  • 13 Replies

It was a year ago in January that my dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack. It's been the hardest and worst year of my life. My dad and I were extremely close. My kids and I visited him and my mom everyday. Dad and I were so much alike and he knew when I was sad, mad, happy. He always knew what to say to cheer me up. He was my best friend and I am having such a hard time without him. At first I was really sad and in shock that he passed away and now as time passes, it's becoming more real that he isn't coming back.I am extremely sad. I feel so irritated all the time and angry. I get so frustrated and upset quickly. My husband and I argue a lot. I just feel like he doesn't understand and just wants me to get over my sadness. That is not what he said at all because he loved my dad very much but it's just how I feel because I don't think he knows what to say to me when he sees me so upset. I tell him that I need him to just listen to me and let me talk about my feelings. Everyday that I feel hopeless, I tell myself that tomarrow will be a better day. When the next day isn't any better, its hard to feel positive. I have three kids who have saved me when I never could of dealt with losing dad at all without them. My mother and I are very close but she is having a hard time too and I hate seeing her alone and sad. Has anyone lost a parent and know what I'm going through? I know that I'm not alone but I feel alone.  

by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 11:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
fireangels2
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 11:51 PM

First off Mama, I am so sorry for your loss. No matter how old we get they are still our "mommy's and daddy's." I have never lost a parent but, like you with your dad, my dad is one of my best friends and I know I will be losing him soon. He had open heart surgery in Oct '07 and is in mid stage CHF, on o2, and is really not doing well, he is only 54. My only suggestion to you is that no matter you have to understand that it is ok to break down, to cry, to even get angry, and these are all good, normal things. You and your mom need to work together on getting through this too. Cry together, laugh together, have fun together...think of how your dad would want you two to be. He would want you two to be happy. It takes time. Time doesn't take away the pain, only makes it easier to deal with. And include your hubby too. Especially if he cared for your dad too. Don't leave him to grieve alone.

AM-BRAT
by Amber on Apr. 1, 2010 at 11:52 PM

I'm so sorry...

mamakenzi
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 11:53 PM

It's always hard to lose someone close.  I'm sorry for your lose and time does heal wounds.

mamakenzi
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 11:53 PM


Quoting AM-BRAT:

I'm so sorry...


Kenzie

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mommynoble
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 11:53 PM

 my dad passed away recently from pancreatic cancer nights are the worse for me i cant sleep i just lay there and cry your not alone

kissyfur29
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 11:54 PM

You and your mother should go to some support groups to help you overcome this, I understand because when my dad passed away it was really hard to deal with. it has been 6 years now and the pain and loss is still there. i have just learned how to come to terms with it. It wasn't easy and it took some time. i feel for you both. I am so sorry for your loss.

darcibeisheim
by Bronze Member on Apr. 2, 2010 at 12:09 AM

Hugs.. You are not alone..I lost my Dad 6 years ago Easter Sunday.. This is a really hard time of year for me.. I wish I could tell you that tomorrow will be better. Instead I can tell you that some days are better than others.. Don't be afraid to let your feelings out.. If you don't feel like you are able to deal with your feelings, you may need to seek out professional help. Don't be ashamed.. Losing a parent is very much like losing a big part of yourself.

SexyTeacher
by Gold Member on Apr. 2, 2010 at 2:43 AM

Honey, I know how you feel. My dad passed away last June and it hasn't gotten any easier. We were very close and exactly a like. I still cry every time I think of him.  When something goes wrong I still think of calling him to talk then I realize he's not around. Something that has helped me is that I have "talks" with him. I talk out loud or in my mind and just tell him about everything. My pregnancy ended in miscarriage in 2001 and I have always said it was fitting that he is the first to see his granddaughter(the docs think it was a girl). It also helps me to remember some really funny or significant times. The weekend before he died he was dancing in the parking lot at the center where my grandma(his mother)is at. He laughed his head off when I drove over the median in the road so we could get to the car lots easier. We rode around looking at cars-he was wanting to get my mom a new vehicle. I decided on the Corvette but he didn't agree! LOL! Just try to think of all those times. And remember it is okay to cry!

NearSeattleMom
by Gold Member on Apr. 2, 2010 at 2:51 AM

My dad died when I was 24.  He was only 47.  He died from malignant melanoma (skin cancer). 

It was tough.  From the time he was given his diagnosis to the time he died was four months.  I suppose that was easier than a sudden death but it was still hard. 

Anyway, I understand.  It takes a long time to get over such a huge loss.  Even now--over 20 years--I have moments of real grief and sorrow over it.

Do you have a friend you can talk to?  Someone not related?  I had a friend I could talk to and that helped.  I also wrote about my dad a lot--I wrote down every memory I could think of and, while it made me cry while I was doing it, it did help.

Give yourself time.  And if you really feel stuck, it wouldn't hurt to talk to your doctor about it.  Maybe antidepressants would help.

Good luck!

ravenstears
by Member on Apr. 2, 2010 at 9:48 AM

I lost my mom when I was 17 and she was the most important and closest person to me. Raising my daughter with out her has been unimaginably hard and yet I've never said anything to anyknow before this. So if you need someone to write back and fourth to feel free to wrte to me. I'm sorry for your loss its always so much harder than we ever think it could be.

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