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Child Custody? for those who went or going through this (piog)

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 6:12 PM
  • 4 Replies

well i think about going and get a court order custody for my son, since the other day my ex(son father) wrote a email freaking out about giving our son a mohawk, and saying i wasnt raising him right. For those who dont know my son father is in Iraq and will beback in next month so i want to get this done soon. He wrote back the next day apologize and saying he was sorry that he just stressed out and hate not being here for his son.i understand he , but this isnt the first time he freaked out on me. Well i told him i want to go through court and get the arrangement and stuff set up anyways. well he want to them our self and not get it court ordered.

So here my question

What are the pro and cons of making you own child custody arrangements?

What are the pro and cons of having the child coustody done through court?

And if you did it your self, did you go back later and go through court?

(I am not here to get a lesson in grammar and proper writing, I here to make friends, give and receive advice and to have fun. If you don't like it, keep you big mouth shut.)
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 6:12 PM
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Replies (1-4):
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 7:08 PM


by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 10:12 PM

My ex and I have had this arrangement of nothing is through the courts (hubby was active duty and I was active duty through AGR program when we got our divorce finalized, I am now out, but married to another Soldier who intends on being a lifer like my ex does/did). Right now it works out great because we are stationed at the same duty station and things went really well when he was here and I was stationed up in Chicago.


We didn't want a court ordered custody arrangement, because both of us were in the military, we knew that we'd both be moving all around, sometimes be close enough for joint custody, sometimes not be close enough, and we didn't want to have to worry about modifying the court order every two years to account for our moves. And we didn't want to have to worry about our current order saying one thing when we were exercising another thing and then some legal pinhead deciding that the fact that we were agreeing to something different than the order didnt' matter, that one or both of us or the kids would be denied some benefit based on the invalid order.


Just remembrer, if you file for custody, there will not be any hearings other than continuation ones until he gets back... federal law protects him from you being able to deny him his right to present his case in court and fight for what he wants. But if you do go through with it, go into court with a reasonable visitation schedule, preferably one that matches up with what you had before, with flexability for his military service. My DH and I are going to be going to court when he gets back so we can get his visitation order modified since we no longer live 2 hours away from SD (DH got the temporary visitation schedule when he lived up in Chicago and the judge refused to modify it when he incorporated it into the final decree a year later after he moved 1,000 miles away due to military orders!) and he will be walking in with a very specific flexible schedule outlined to present to the judge. Feel free to PM me if you want to see what my husband is going to be asking for (until BM messes up bad enough for us to go after full custody, that is... yea, she is not on my list of highly respectable BMs - she called DH up one night and told him that if he wants full custody of SD, come and get her right then and there... she knew that DH didn't have a room for her to live, no childcare arrangements for day to day duty let alone his frequent out of town trips and couldn't pull one together in two hours - considering he was going out of town two days later!)

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 10:53 PM

pros: its set in stone and its not oh i cant take so and so because i have this this and this dont have to fight over who gets so and so when (ex: hoildays)

cons: ex things thats the only time they need to see the child is on their set time and it could be hard not having your child there like your use to

2nd question:

pro: the judge and guardiam ad litum listens to both sides and decides what is in the childs best intrest and how much the support will be this could also be a con I suppoes however it could be less stress and set in stone

cons: could be months before everything is figured out and once it's straighten out the dad thinks thats the ONLY thing he ever has to pay for, for his child (sadly enough) and he could go up to a month (in my state) w/o paying it so it's like gee no support this month lol

last question:

No if its both something you can agree upon outside of court its a good idea HOWEVER you will have to get this agreement written up by a lawyer at least also the courts try to get you to do this even if you decide to go through the whole thing. This route however will be more quickly if it works out for you.

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:14 PM


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