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I feel I am stunting her development

Posted by on May. 24, 2010 at 10:56 AM
  • 22 Replies

O.k. I completely understand that bumps/bruises/cuts/ouchies are all part of growing up and there are tons more to come but here is my problem. Our daughter was a late developer (She worked with EICD) and she will be 1 soon..She just started crawling not long ago.. She has already moved onto cruising.. Though she is fearful in doing so. Ok well we recently moved back into our finished home (Was stuck in a fema trailer while we worked on the house) and we have ceremic tiles on the floor. We do have a soft squishy mat on her floor to soften the falls. She will BARELY play in her room she wants to play in the living room. We have even tried moving the mat to the living room. Well now she has taken to trying to climb up on things and pull herself up couches, swings, bouncers, anything really. She is wanting to learn to stand on her own so she pulls up and let's go and CRASH! As it is I stand by her side 24/7 to try to cushion some of the falls. 

It has gotten to the point that I get terrified if she starts to pull up and will want to discourage her from doing it. I know she needs this to develop..so I guess my question is what do I do to keep her safe but to let her to continue to develop at the rate she is?  

by on May. 24, 2010 at 10:56 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mama_girl07
by on May. 24, 2010 at 10:58 AM

I say jsut let her do what she is going to do. If she falls that is how she learns to not do that. I never hoovered around my kids so they wouldnt fall, I mean i ddint purposely let them do something to let them get hurt but I dont worry either when something happens. its all part of growing up. When my oldest was little we lived in a house with wood floors and thats where she learned to walk and crawl and all that. Sure she had some bruises from falling but ita all part of growing and learning.

dosthepost
by on May. 24, 2010 at 10:59 AM

Haha, I would just let her go. I know I know, people are going to think you abuse your child, but she has to learn sometime... they all fall down. I can't tell you how many forehead bruises my daughter has had from the coffee table...

poshkat
by on May. 24, 2010 at 11:01 AM

you need to be there for her of course but you also need to let go, how will she learn if mommy is always there to cushion things? I'm not saying dont do it at all, but let her climb, let her explore, its how shes going to learn. its nerve racking i know, i still get rattled nerves when my son decides to leap head first off the couch but he has to learn so i let him, and he cries and i kiss and fix his boo boo or cuts or scrapes and let him go on doing what he needs to do in order to learn

Faeriebrat
by on May. 24, 2010 at 11:02 AM

I just always feel so bad when we go somewhere cause I can just image what people think.. Here she is all dressed up and lovely with cuts on her fingers (grout) and a scratch/bruise on her head ... She terrifies me to death.. LOL New motherhood is nerve wracking.. It bothers me more now (honestly) after I fell on the floor and realized holy crap that REALLY hurts.. I am still walking funny and the bruise on my back and arms are still there after 2 1/2 weeks

 

dosthepost
by on May. 24, 2010 at 11:03 AM

On a side note, are you from Tennessee? I noticed something about FEMA up there...

dosthepost
by on May. 24, 2010 at 11:04 AM

NM, i just saw your profile... :)

BaileynMe
by on May. 24, 2010 at 11:06 AM

I wouldn't worry too much. People won't really actually be concerned unless your behavior around her indicates that those bruises are more than bumps.

My DD, at 27 months, ALWAYS has bruises on her shins. At first I thought maybe I was inadvertently giving them to her (she tends to wiggle a lot while I change her diaper so I tend to hold her pretty firmly) but even after I fixed what I thought was the problem she still has tons of bruises all the time. It just happens; kids are rough and tumble and get bumped a lot.


Quoting Faeriebrat:

I just always feel so bad when we go somewhere cause I can just image what people think.. Here she is all dressed up and lovely with cuts on her fingers (grout) and a scratch/bruise on her head ... She terrifies me to death.. LOL New motherhood is nerve wracking.. It bothers me more now (honestly) after I fell on the floor and realized holy crap that REALLY hurts.. I am still walking funny and the bruise on my back and arms are still there after 2 1/2 weeks

 




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Faeriebrat
by on May. 24, 2010 at 11:13 AM

 

Quoting BaileynMe:

I wouldn't worry too much. People won't really actually be concerned unless your behavior around her indicates that those bruises are more than bumps.

My DD, at 27 months, ALWAYS has bruises on her shins. At first I thought maybe I was inadvertently giving them to her (she tends to wiggle a lot while I change her diaper so I tend to hold her pretty firmly) but even after I fixed what I thought was the problem she still has tons of bruises all the time. It just happens; kids are rough and tumble and get bumped a lot.

 

Quoting Faeriebrat:

I just always feel so bad when we go somewhere cause I can just image what people think.. Here she is all dressed up and lovely with cuts on her fingers (grout) and a scratch/bruise on her head ... She terrifies me to death.. LOL New motherhood is nerve wracking.. It bothers me more now (honestly) after I fell on the floor and realized holy crap that REALLY hurts.. I am still walking funny and the bruise on my back and arms are still there after 2 1/2 weeks

 

 

 I am not worried people are thinking I am putting bruises on her.. All you have to do is be in the same room with us to know how much I adore her.. but I feel people (Especially his family who mostly doesn't care for me) will think I am just not caring for her in the way I should.. Which makes me laugh cause if they could just spend one day seeing how I run myself crazy being right beside her all day. As it is.. I am spending my precious "me" time while she naps online asking questions on how to better protect her.. lol in laws go fig

devlinCEO
by on May. 24, 2010 at 11:16 AM

It doesnt matter how good of a mother you are.  It doesnt matter if your child has scratch or bruise.  Someone somewhere out there in this world someone is going to see you and think your a bad parent.  You shouldnt worry about what other people think.  Because people are stupid.

 

Why dont you move the mat infront of the couch?  Or get a big rug or something. I mean its not much but it would help a little.

Quoting Faeriebrat:

I just always feel so bad when we go somewhere cause I can just image what people think.. Here she is all dressed up and lovely with cuts on her fingers (grout) and a scratch/bruise on her head ... She terrifies me to death.. LOL New motherhood is nerve wracking.. It bothers me more now (honestly) after I fell on the floor and realized holy crap that REALLY hurts.. I am still walking funny and the bruise on my back and arms are still there after 2 1/2 weeks

 


poshkat
by on May. 24, 2010 at 11:18 AM

let me give you an example of what happens when you dont let your child do what is natrual for them. the example being my sister, this is a true story, i witnessed this when my niece was about 9 or 10 months old when my sister came from israel to visit for passover. this might be a little long, but i think its worth it

they arrived a day before us, when we arrived i came out of the car as my older sister was coming out of the house, she had my niece in her hands and i went straight over as it was my first time meeting my niece, she wouldnt let me near her and said that she was going to the store and when gets back i can look and talk to the baby as right now i cannot say a "proper hello" and actually even look at my niece. that was just the start, my niece was held all well by my sister and nobody else, she was not fed baby food, but was actually forced bottles even when she clearly didnt want or need to eat, she would only sleep on my sister (as she never ever put her down), and when she did finally fall asleep after hours of crying, my sister would not leave her alone, she had to be touching her, fixing her hair, putting little hair clips in her hair or adjusting them. when my sister did finally let her watch the one tv show that was allowed in her house, micky mouse club house, she sat on the floor with my niece in her lap, and she basically forced her to dance and was really rough with her to the point where i had to walk away.

the third day we were there, me, my mother, my little sister and my BIL all went ot have lunch, my son was eating also and my BIL decided to put my niece in the pack and play in the livingroom and let her watch baby einstein (the only other approved by my sister program my niece could watch). my older sister was upstairs in the shower, when she came downstairs she looked in the diningroom, than peeked in the livingroom, found her daughter in the pack and play happily cooing, screamed, picked up the baby and literaly almost attacked my BIL, screaming at the top of her lungs and scaring her own kid (and mine and all of us) about the dangers of leaving her one and only precious child alone in the pack and play and stormed upstairs crying.

on the 5th day she finally relented and let me feed her daughter some of my sons baby food. she did great, but was inturruped by my sister constantly by wiping her face off, fixing her hair, putting socks on and off, until i told her to leave the room if she wont let the baby eat in peace. from that day on my BIL took charge and fed the baby food, not just formula bottles.

the day before they left, my mother me and my son were in the back yard enjoying the nice spring weather, when my sister, BIL and niece came back from manhattan after a day of shopping. my son was having the time of his life being fed grapes by my mother and just having fun. he was 1 year and 4 months old at the time and happened to walk by and knock my niece down, my sister responded by throwing a hissy fit, scaring my child and grabbing her daughter and storming into the house saying "he hurt her baby, how dare he".

now my niece will be 3 in july, my sister had her second daughter in september, from what i hear she has changed alot, is more relaxed, but from what she tells me, i dont see the change, i guess i will just have to judge for myself when i go there in august. my older niece, still has eating problems, and she is very small for her age, i know her feeding problems stem from the way my sister handeled her as a baby, forcing bottles down her throat and not letting her eat baby foods. my new niece is also very small, but i am  not sure why, from what i understand she is eating formula still, and not on baby foods yet.  

please dont become this mother, let your child explore, climb, fall, scrape, nobody will judge you if your baby has cuts and bruises, they all do. its part of life, they are babies, they need to learn somehow, but always with our guidance.

Quoting Faeriebrat:

I just always feel so bad when we go somewhere cause I can just image what people think.. Here she is all dressed up and lovely with cuts on her fingers (grout) and a scratch/bruise on her head ... She terrifies me to death.. LOL New motherhood is nerve wracking.. It bothers me more now (honestly) after I fell on the floor and realized holy crap that REALLY hurts.. I am still walking funny and the bruise on my back and arms are still there after 2 1/2 weeks

 


                                                     
Hey Jude, don't make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better.

Hey Jude, don't be afraid.
You were made to go out and get her.
The minute you let her under your skin,
Then you begin to make it better.

And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain,
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders.
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder

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