Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I need help.

Posted by on May. 24, 2010 at 10:36 PM
  • 12 Replies

I'm new, and this is my first post in this group, so this will likely be a long post.

My name's Chelley, I'm 22, and I'm married, have been for four long years. I have three kids, a four year old, a two year old and a 4 month old born on my 2 year old's birthday. Fun stuff, right? :D

Well, in 2008 my husband and I had to move out of the house we were renting and he lost his job. He was arrested, which is why he lost his job. I won't go into specifics about the arrest. Anyway, we moved back in my parent's house and when he was released, he moved back in with us. He went over a year without a job, didn't look for one, didn't give a rat's booty about finding a job, just played WoW, sat around on the internet and didn't help with the kids, laundry, dishes, other chores, nothing.

This past January, he found a job. Finally. He makes 7.50 an hour, whereas he was making $25 an hour at his old job. He was an HVAC service tech/pipefitter. Now he's a lube tech. Anyway, he has still not been doing anything around the house. He doesn't help with the kids, doesn't change diapers, doesn't take them outside to play. I'm burned out by the end of the day. But that's not the problem... The problem is that he wants to spend all the money he earns on CARS. He bought a car he intends on turning into a drag car. Don't get me wrong I like cars, want to be a mechanic, and want to drag race... But not like this. He wants to go to the drag strip every weekend as opposed to do anything as a family. Getting him to buy diapers is like pulling teeth. Two weekends in a row he went to his buddy's house to work on his car, and didn't come home until around 1 AM, didn't call, wouldn't answer, then got ANGRY at me when I was concerned. This past weekend, he went out, and lied about where he was going. We're working out some issues and he went to Hooters (bash away, I don't care) then lied. I asked him to specifically not go there... But he did, then lied.

Anyway.. I don't know how exactly to tell him that we don't really need to spend ANY MONEY at all on going to the drag strip, or on a car, or any of that. He's the type of guy who, when told he can't do something he wants to do, flips out. Completely. Flips. Out.

As much as it isn't worth the fight, I need him to know we can't afford any of this right now, at least until we're more stable.

 

Any help is appreciated.

by on May. 24, 2010 at 10:36 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
HeartsLove
by on May. 24, 2010 at 10:38 PM

Wow, we married the same guy. Unfortunately for me, I couldn't make him see the light of day and I had to go. He cheated an awful lot on me also.



Bmat
by Barb on May. 24, 2010 at 10:39 PM

Welcome to Advce for Moms, Chelley!  My thought on reading your post is that you and your husband really need counseling. And if he won't go, go yourself. Good luck to you.

FuzzybugsMommy
by on May. 24, 2010 at 10:40 PM


Quoting HeartsLove:

Wow, we married the same guy. Unfortunately for me, I couldn't make him see the light of day and I had to go. He cheated an awful lot on me also.


None of that (that I know of), but when he had his higher paying job, I'd find $500-$700 missing out of the checking account randomly.. He had "no idea" where it was going.

I'm thinking of divorcing him. I just don't want to take that step just yet, if we can fix it.

BaileynMe
by on May. 24, 2010 at 10:40 PM

He sounds like a child. I don't know that I'd stick around if he's gonna be a baby like that.

When it comes to behavior like that I'd put my foot down. Either he can buy necessities or you'll leave. Either he can act like an adult and take care of his family, or he can lose his family.

Mair187
by on May. 24, 2010 at 10:43 PM

My exhusband is in my navy. we have 2 kids together. He was more concerned with WoW and the girl he cheated on me with then myself and our two sons. I hate to say it but in my opinion, you and your kids are probably better off without that headache called a husband. If you did fine without him while he was gone, you can do it again girl. Your a strong person.

calledmomma
by on May. 24, 2010 at 10:43 PM

 If you are still living with your parents it might be best to try the whole "Honey while I enjoy going to the drag car races with you, can we consider having our own place that way you can have your own garage at home to work on your car and the kids and I can have a house and yard to play and make our own rather than crashing at my parents for forever.  Also might want to point out that if you had your own place bought and paid for then you wouldn't have to "bother" him about where he is or what he's doing because he would have plenty of space for his OWN.  If he has been in prison part of the car thing is probably needing a space that is his and he doesn't have to share with anyone, and inmate, or anyone else.  He needs some room of his own.  I'd focus on the own house, own garage thing it might get him working alittle more productively.

rousefam5
by Bronze Member on May. 24, 2010 at 10:45 PM

Sweety, enoughs, enough. Tell him to hang up his dice and commit to you and the family, starting with a good paying job and a little help with the kids. If he can't do that, I'd give him the boot.

FuzzybugsMommy
by on May. 24, 2010 at 10:58 PM


Quoting BaileynMe:

He sounds like a child. I don't know that I'd stick around if he's gonna be a baby like that.

When it comes to behavior like that I'd put my foot down. Either he can buy necessities or you'll leave. Either he can act like an adult and take care of his family, or he can lose his family.


He is a child. I'm really fed up, but we have been going to a counselor. Friday night, with his lying, I was seriously hurt. It hurt my feelings that I was evidently only worth a lie.

 

FuzzybugsMommy
by on May. 24, 2010 at 10:58 PM

Thanks for the replies ladies. :)    I appreciate it greatly.

chrissy8907
by on May. 24, 2010 at 11:06 PM
Aww I no how u feel I wasn't married but my ex spent alll our money on things that we simply didn't need to spend money on I tried sooo hard to get him to change but bottom line is he was too selfish just try and talk to him and if he isn't willing to see ur point of view tell him he needs to go think about his priorities somewhere else you seem like a really great and responsible mommy don't let him bring your family down :)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)