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Please help with 16 year old dd.

Posted by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:23 AM
  • 42 Replies

How do you keep a 16 (almost 17) dd away from a certain boy? We have tried everything we know. She says they are friends but they have went out before about 5-6 times. He always breaks up with her and she goes back. He has many girlfriends and of course he tells her she is the one he will change for... bla. bla. She cant go to his house. He doesn't come here. We live in the country with her school only having 6 kids in her class. I know all her friends and they tell me things. We went to her sports banquet last night and I heard some things from a couple kids pretty much saying they were back together. He is not a good boy. He is abusive. We had problems before with him and I went to the school and talked with them about him. He has left bruises on her legs and she says they play around hitting each other all the time. The more I try and pull them apart the more she doesn't tell me things and I am just pushing her closer to him. I'm really scared for her. Please help.

by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:23 AM
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Replies (1-10):
jennypinfargo
by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:24 AM

BUMP!

squidsmommy
by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:27 AM

Honestly, trying to keep her away from him draws them together. I think I would let her have him over (with supervision) then maybe you can get to know him better, see how they interact together and supervise all at the same time. You try to keep her away, she's going to be deceitful, sneek off with him, lie to you and potentially get herself into trouble all without you knowing. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

okhsmom
by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:27 AM

I would get this boy to my house and soon.  The more time he spends with your daughter with you around, the more you'll know him based on personal experience rather than hearsay.  It is an opportunity for you to set up boundaries for your daughter if you've not already done so.  I also think you need to fortify your daughter against abusive relationships.  If she is drawn to that type, it won't matter if it is this boy or another.  As far as her seeing him at school, not much you can do.  Outside of school?  Again, at your house.  If you don't want them together otherwise, you'll have to keep her by your side at all times.  That is possible, but not practical. 

Lanie_momofone
by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:27 AM

 Did you take pictures of the bruises on her ? Personally if it is getting that out of hand, i would be phoning the police and requesting a restraining order.

However, she is 16..and you are right, the more you try to get her to stop hanging out with him, the more she will stop talking to you.

It is a tough situation. Good luck

qtmomof2
by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:28 AM

Have you talked to his parents? Do they know he is abusive?

Brianne036
by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:28 AM
I'm sorry. All I know to say is she has to learn on her own.....D: which I hate to say. Unless you think she is in direct harm and are ready for the commitment involved in keeping them apart that's all u really can do. IMO. When I was "in love" no one woulda convinced me otherwise
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teachmichele825
by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:29 AM

My mom had the same problem with my sister. She eventually stopped preaching at my sister, and then my sister gave up the boy. Megan likes drama in her life. Being with this boy created the drama she wanted. When nobody gave her grief about being with him, she got bored and hasn't talked to him since. That being said, my sister is 25 years old.

With a 16 year old...hm....what about taking her to a woman's shelter to talk with some of those women that were in abusive relationships? If abuse is the case, then it is VERY dificult for that woman to get out of the cycle, because he makes "promises" to her that she can't refuse.

Instead of going to battle with her over this boy, I would def. tread water lightly! It's a delicate subject to her, and you need to show compassion towards her feelings and emotions that are obviously attached to this boy. Good luck, momma!

robsgurl_23
by Bronze Member on May. 26, 2010 at 11:30 AM

BUMP!

lundaylove
by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:30 AM

pushing her away from him will only push her closer. You have to let her make her own decisions about this. she will learn. sometimes you cant do anything. i know, i was in high school not that long ago, i went thru some of the same things, and didnt listen to my family, then 2yrs later my little sister did the same thing. it happens and she'll figure things out. Just be there for when she does, but just say you dont approve, dont allow him over or her over there and leave it at that.

Brianne036
by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:31 AM
If your certain the bruises are intentional then ofcourse you should interfere but for the record legs are not a common sight of abuse for adults.....she may be being honest about the horse play
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