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Relationship help please.

Posted by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:26 AM
  • 20 Replies

 I love my bf. I really do, but lately I feel like a single parent and dont have any time to breath. He is a truck driver, usually he is home daily sometimes he has a layover and doesnt make it home. This bothers me. I constantly have to accomodate anything and everything I do around his work schedule. The work schedule goes day by day, so planning anything is a nightmare from hell.

When he is home he is tired, understandable. I totally get that. The new has worn off and I dont like it. lol! I miss the newness. I miss the things we used to do.

I really want this relationship to work, we have been together for 3 years next week.

He thinks nothing is important. Not birthdays, Mothers Day, anniversaries. He asked last week what we were doing for our anniversary, I told him I had no idea. Like I said we cant plan anything because they call him for work at the last possible minute.

I feel like I come second to his job, the kids feel the same way. i also dont think it is fair to us.

help me out here, I feel like crap.

No we are not married, and dont bash about it please.

by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:26 AM
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Replies (1-10):
teachmichele825
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:30 AM

Newness of relationships does wear of if we don't keep the relationship fresh and new. It would be my suggestion to make the most of the time he IS home. Schedule time for him to spend with the kids. Schedule a date night with him. Maybe he feels the same way. Maybe he feels under appreciated. I would start by pampering him when he gets home...massage, nice dinner, his favorite activities planned, a nice stroll...anything to make him feeel appreciated. Hopefully he would do the same in return.

-xoxo-
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:31 AM

If you talked to him about it would he look for a new job? 

canthaveboys1
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:33 AM

 

Quoting -xoxo-:

If you talked to him about it would he look for a new job? 

 No. He makes good money. I wish he would look for a new job, because money isnt everything.

Lanie_momofone
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:35 AM

 When its the job getting in the way, that is much harder then it would be if it were friends ya know ?

Not knowing when he will be home, or when he will be working does make it hard to plan.

IMO, sounds like you both need time for couple time first, so why not ask him to call or text you when he is on his way home, on one of the nights he would be coming home after the kids are in bed, when you get the text..set the table up nice, candles, flowers...and do a meal that you and him can just sit down and enjoy?

 

nicolerianne90
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:35 AM

Have you told him how you feel about the special occassion thing?? I've learned that talking it out and making it VERY clear to my husband what my wants and needs are really help. Man are thick-headed and don't pick up on hints. Sometimes you have to lay it all out on the table in plain writing. Maybe try to surpise him with a special dinner and a movie at home sometime since his schedule is crazy. I know how that is. Try new things to try to get that spark back. Make sure you go out just the 2 of you at least once a month. Get a babysitter for the kids and just go out and do something new. Hope everything works out for you.

mommyflyes
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:39 AM

i am flight attendant so i know how it is.  my family comes first but honestly, they have to work aroudn my schedule.  i miss lots of bdays, and holidays.

it has nothing to do with my love for them. i make sacrfices too.  the money is great and so are the benefits so it would be stupid to quit.

maybe you can just talk to him and ask for one day while he is home that he makes you feel special and gives you somewhat of a break.

that seems resonable.  don't end a relationship because of someomes work schedule though.  it times like these praise him for having a job.  i

canthaveboys1
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:41 AM

 He has a very strong work ethic, and always gives it his all. Its just hard, and after a year of dealing with it, it is hard.

Quoting mommyflyes:

i am flight attendant so i know how it is.  my family comes first but honestly, they have to work aroudn my schedule.  i miss lots of bdays, and holidays.

it has nothing to do with my love for them. i make sacrfices too.  the money is great and so are the benefits so it would be stupid to quit.

maybe you can just talk to him and ask for one day while he is home that he makes you feel special and gives you somewhat of a break.

that seems resonable.  don't end a relationship because of someomes work schedule though.  it times like these praise him for having a job.  i

 

kirstn007
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:42 AM

well he is supporting you isnt he? i would appreciate that my husband work hard for me. maybe he can look into a new job but you seem selfsih here he is working to support you! he is probably tired and stressed too.  maybe talk to him about how holidays are special to u and you would like to do something on those days, just talk to him abou it but u need to apreciate he is working hard to support u that is what he is putting first!

heybooboo
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:43 AM

My DH has a demanding job.  He can go a full month without a day off.  He gets called to go in at 1 am often.  Xmas was shot this year, because there was a fire at his plant and he had to be on the premisis while all the repairs were being done.  Birthdays are often celebrated early or late to accommodate his schedule.  He travels 25% of the time.  Vacations have been cancelled, literally as we hare just starting to leave for it.  

But when he is free, tired or not, he does make the effort to be there for us.  

And while yes, your BF is tired.  So are you, and he needs to keep that in perspective.  Or resentment builds.  

canthaveboys1
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:50 AM

 

Quoting kirstn007:

well he is supporting you isnt he? i would appreciate that my husband work hard for me. maybe he can look into a new job but you seem selfsih here he is working to support you! he is probably tired and stressed too.  maybe talk to him about how holidays are special to u and you would like to do something on those days, just talk to him abou it but u need to apreciate he is working hard to support u that is what he is putting first!

 Excuse me? Selfish? I work 40+ hours a week and take care of all 4 kids by myself 90% of the time.

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