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First time moving and so confused.

Posted by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 1:28 AM
  • 13 Replies

I admit it. I'm 22 and now getting out of my parents house. I have a wonderful 2 year old, and an amazing boyfriend who takes on the responsibilty of being a great father figure to my son. I am going to move to Tennessee (Morristown area) from Michigan and stand on my own two legs. If I could, I would go tomorrow. What's the deal then? I'm so confused on what to do. I've never in my life have moved. I can transfer to a different store that I'm working at down there. I need to find a beauty school there too to transfer to. I don't know if Tennessee offers any sort of "Early On" services (I have a speech therapist come out and help my son once a week on his speech) What to do about licenses, plates, insurances, everything! I guess I've lived a really sheltered life lol. And to top it off, I really don't know how to tell my parents I'm thinking of moving. Yes, I know, I'm a chicken shit :oP 

I guess I'm saying, how many moms have moved away from the nest, and how'd you do it? Was it this nerve-racking? How'd you do it?? ...I'm going to bed, TIA for any advice :o)

  Kids are like flesh wounds. Watch them and take good care of them or they will end up really bad...


by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 1:28 AM
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Replies (1-10):
chrissy8907
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 1:35 AM
I'm on the same boat as you but I'm not moving state but still I've also had a more then sheltered life but I'm sure you will do grat once you get everything in order maybe do some research online about all the stuff you need to transfer to that state :)
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abstractmommy
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 1:37 AM
Since I was 19 I've moved 12 different times, 3 different states. It's annoying, but PM me if you have any questions.
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mamakenzi
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 1:43 AM

Just out of curiosity, why such a big move?  It's apparent you aren't going for a particular job or school, so why so far?  I found it was harder to move out of state from my family then across the city.  And yes, I did both, before I had a child.  I honestly cannot fathom moving to another state since having my daughter, my family helps me a lot and so do my friends.  Do you have a good support system where you are?  Are you moving for to be with your boyfriend?  I highly discourage that, if it's the case unless he is your child's father.  

I'm sorry if this sounds condescending, I'm not trying to be in the least. 

army_wifey_06
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 1:49 AM

I moved out 2 days after I graduated...I didn't have kids at the time though. As far as the license thing goes just go into the DOL and get a Tennessee license. They usually just charge some kind of fee and there's no testing (my DH used to have an OH license and now has a WA one). About the plates go into the DMV and see how you go about that. I'm not quite sure to be honest but I know you need to have your plates switched within a certain amount of time when you move. Before you move call your insurance company and get a quote and see if your insurance bill will change at all. A lot of times it does when you move. We moved 2 hours away in the same state and our bill went WAYYY up because we lived in a much larger city. It all depends on the area. Good luck with everything!

Lb128f
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 2:03 AM

I think this is a good question and NOT condescending at all...just a question. ;-) You bring up some very valid points especially for someone who is moving for the first time, with a child and a BF. It's a huge step to take.

I also wonder why you don't want to give yourself the chance to live on your own (with your child) prior to committing to a relationship -- just curious on that as it's really rewarding to KNOW you can "go it alone" before dedicating yourself to someone else's needs, wants and desires. Either way....GOOD LUCK!

Quoting mamakenzi:

Just out of curiosity, why such a big move?  It's apparent you aren't going for a particular job or school, so why so far?  I found it was harder to move out of state from my family then across the city.  And yes, I did both, before I had a child.  I honestly cannot fathom moving to another state since having my daughter, my family helps me a lot and so do my friends.  Do you have a good support system where you are?  Are you moving for to be with your boyfriend?  I highly discourage that, if it's the case unless he is your child's father.  

I'm sorry if this sounds condescending, I'm not trying to be in the least. 

 

Celtic_Dragon
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 2:24 AM

When I was growing up we moved at least once every three years. Many times it was twice within a year. Sometimes to different states. And these were the BIG states (Wyoming, Montana, Idaho, South Dakota, Colorado). I have many, many memories of several different schools, houses, and towns. More towns than I can even name and I cannot even begin to name all the schools I lived attended. Sometimes the houses blur together or I forget them all together. I moved out on my own when I was 17 and went to college. I have not moved back since and continue to move but have stayed in the same state.

I kind of hate moving but I like it at the same time. It's fun to live in a new house and to check out a new town. There are lots of times I go through a town I like and I tell myself I will live in the town for awhile because it's cool and I even scope out houses for rent or for sale and fantasize about moving into them just so I could check out a new pad, a new town, new friends, and a new life. For me, it's second nature.

Because this is your very first move out of home, you may not want to move so far from your family. For two reasons, one is because it's difficult to get established into a new community right away. Especially one so far away. You have to find a place to live, get your utilities set up, pack and U-haul your stuff, find a job, and adjust to the new community and the new culture. You are going to be VERY lonely when you first move. You will know NO ONE and the culture is going to be very, very different. People will act different and speak different. They will dress different and eat different things. It is similar to moving to another country, even the laws and state programs are all different. So different it will shock you and you may even find yourself accidental doing something illegal when it's perfectly legal back home.

Aside from that you are also going to find it difficult to be so far away from  your support line. You friends and parents have no doubt helped you a great deal with the rearing of your child. That means free meals and free baby sitting at the very least. Baby sitting is VERY, VERY, VEEERY expensive and not all states have good daycare assistance programs. Many times you end up on a waiting list anyway. Before you move you will need to find a babysitter for your kids so you can work. Or one of you is going to have to be at home with the kids while the other works and that can be tough to gage in and of itself.

You are going to need and want your family for awhile yet. Family is there to help you and if you have a supportive family (which it sounds like you do because you still live with them) then I suggest you continue to access them. My family continues to move throughout the country and have moved many times since I've moved out of the house. They currently live over 6 hours from me and I rarely get to see my parents. It sucks. I miss them so much. It's almost as if they aren't even my family anymore because I NEVER get to see them. I also wish they lived closer so I could access the assistance grandparents provide to a young family (babysitting, parenting tips, a friend. . .)

Tennessee from Wisconsin is a HUGE move. Especially for your first move. However, Wisconsin has a good educational system and people from the mid-west are prized in areas of the south and some western states because of our education and work ethic. So finding a good job probably wont be very difficult for you but the adjustments will be, I ensure you and I'm speaking of that as a Veteran of moving across the country. You will be culturally shocked and homesick like you CANNOT believe. I am still homesick for Wyoming. So badly that I have very hurtful dreams about being out west and finding myself stuck in a place with surreal and unnatural amounts of green when I'm use to the brown, dry deserts and jagged mountain tops.

I support your move out of your parents but I strongly suggest a smaller move first. Move to a neighboring town or maybe even to the other side of the state. Heck, if you are super ambitious and determined, move to a neighboring state! But TN is too far away for your frist move, IMO. I've never been to TN but I bet it's a GREAT place, filled with rich culture, great food, and WARM WEATHER!!!! But, you need to learn how to live and slowly figure out how to depend on yourselves.

When you move spend lots of time looking for a good place to rent. If you are bringing your stuff with you then you might want to rent a garage or a storage unit. PUT INSURANCE ON YOUR STORAGE UNIT and place all your boxes on wooden pallets to protect your items. Try not to bring common furniture like couches, tables, and chairs. You can get these second hand very easy and cheaply once you get to where you are going to. Have a garage sale before you leave and start getting rid of stuff you really don't need. Keep a few memorabilia and so forth, but cut down on your nick knacks. They are hard to move, they usually stay in a box for many, many years, and they can be broken upon the move. Plus, who needs those extra boxes to sort through? You can also get new dishes so eliminate them from your move. You may want to keep your pots and pans if they are nice. Keep all photos and important paperwork in a protective, plastic container. Clothing is easiest moved by keeping them in laundry baskets or folded in the drawers. Just take the drawers out of the dresser so that the dresser isn't uber heavy when moving. That way you can just put your drawers back into your dresser without doing something special with the clothes! Make sure you have enough for travel money! Be prepared for if you have a break down!!!!! I have personally been stranded in a strange town for a WEEK because our car was not running correctly and we were between paychecks (this happened when I was a kid). It was winter and we had to stay in a drafty hotel room for a WEEK living off from the Continental breakfast and McDonald's.

That's all I can think of for now. Good luck on your move no matter what you decide to do!

GOBryan
by Gold Member on Jun. 13, 2010 at 2:44 AM

Don't worry about the what ifs and hows. Many times the worries are worse and more confusing that the facts. 

I would guess that the first thing you need to do is find a place to live and look for work, if you plan on working. Once you got that down just pack and go. The rest, you'll figure it out once you get there. It's not an alien planet you're moving to, just another location.

MrsAJLaw
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 7:07 AM

Good luck, I have moved a few times, it is always good to do online research and make phone calls before you go, especially if you have kids.

LokisMama
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 7:13 AM

I don't really have any advice for ya.  I've moved 4 times in the last 3 years but it's always been in state.  But I wish you good luck!

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