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My MIL won't let it go

Posted by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:32 AM
  • 18 Replies

My MIL will be staying with us for at least a week. I am a SAHM to a 2 year old daughter who is skinny and a VERY picky eater since she was 14 months old (in other words, hates to eat). After taking DD to the pediatrician 2 weeks ago and getting a very clean bill of health, I have learned to let it go and not force her to eat anymore, per the doc's advice. I am not letting it bother me much anymore.

My MIL feels differently however. I had told her that the doctor said she is healthy and she will eat whenever she is hungry and if she goes without dinner a few times a week its ok, because that is HER choice. My job is to provide the meals, DD's job is to decide whether to eat it and how much. My MIL is going to be pushing the issue and talking about it all the time while she is here. My husband tried telling her last night that thats the way our daughter is, she just doesn't get hungry sometimes. But my MIL is still overly concerned. Her discussing this issue is going to bring back the feelings of depression that I would feel up until very recently when my daughter refuses to eat.

Any suggestions/comments?

by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:32 AM
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Replies (1-10):
dosthepost
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:35 AM

Tell her to mind her own business, that your daughter is well cared for. If she can't respect that, she can find a hotel room. My DD was only 29 lbs at her 2 year appointment, and to ME she looks like skin and bones (no one else sees it... I just worry too much). I asked her doc about the picky eating, she said "is she eating?" I said yes. She said "then just let her eat"... so I give her what she'll eat. Of course, I offer other foods, but you can't force feed a 2 year old. 

zebbyzebby06
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:37 AM

cant help with the MIL issue, but (you can tell her you know ppl who have the same prob) my son is and has been the same way, a lot more around age she is, he would eat one meal a day soemtimes for a few days or even weeks, wed give him food, he nibble but not actaully eat, my in laws too would say stuff and paretns wed ignore. our dr said kids do that, and when thy are hungry theyll eat.  hed go a while like that then all of a sudden for a few days all hed wannna do is eat, its normal. unlike my dd she always eats, and is skinny too. but my son was always "chunky" looking, dont worry ignore her, have her call the dr if she wasnt lol

zebbyzebby06
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:38 AM

my dd is 19months and is 20 lbs but is always eating lol, but shes fine.

Quoting dosthepost:

Tell her to mind her own business, that your daughter is well cared for. If she can't respect that, she can find a hotel room. My DD was only 29 lbs at her 2 year appointment, and to ME she looks like skin and bones (no one else sees it... I just worry too much). I asked her doc about the picky eating, she said "is she eating?" I said yes. She said "then just let her eat"... so I give her what she'll eat. Of course, I offer other foods, but you can't force feed a 2 year old. 


Kaydence2010
by Bronze Member on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:38 AM
Tell her to butt out and it's your dd.
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dosthepost
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:40 AM

My DD was just reaching 20 lbs at 18 months, LOL. She was about 17 lbs at 12 months... no one ever mentioned to me that she was underweight. Her daddy is 6'1 and that entire side of the family has tall skinny girls with big feet... she took after them, as far as I can tell, LOL.

Quoting zebbyzebby06:

my dd is 19months and is 20 lbs but is always eating lol, but shes fine.

Quoting dosthepost:

Tell her to mind her own business, that your daughter is well cared for. If she can't respect that, she can find a hotel room. My DD was only 29 lbs at her 2 year appointment, and to ME she looks like skin and bones (no one else sees it... I just worry too much). I asked her doc about the picky eating, she said "is she eating?" I said yes. She said "then just let her eat"... so I give her what she'll eat. Of course, I offer other foods, but you can't force feed a 2 year old. 



mommaross2
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:44 AM
my ds is four and is about 35 lbs...my dd just went for check up shes 2 and is about 23 lbs and both are very healthy....i do the same thing with my kids if i cook and they dont want to eat i dont force them now they dont get anything else unless the eat....BUT its just like a newborn kids WILL EAT when they get hungry.
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GOBryan
by Gold Member on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:45 AM

Give her the authority to handle the food issue with your daughter while she's visiting. Sometimes the person has to be in your shoes to fully understand AND if she just so happens CAN get her to eat, maybe you can learn something from it as well.

Yes, it's our job to provide food but kids are too young to decide whether or not they should eat. Even if you can entice her to take one bite, then you should.

I'm sort of on the fence because kids can create eating disorders for themselves without knowing what they're doing and they are usually healthy at the beginning.

AuntieV
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 11:09 AM

Grandma's always know better than mommy does. *wink wink* Just start counting the days till she leaves. If it gets too bad just tell her that you and your husband have discussed this and you have talked to the doctor so it is not open for discussion then change the subject. Better yet have her son tell her the same thing.

abc04789f
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 11:14 AM


Quoting dosthepost:

Tell her to mind her own business, that your daughter is well cared for. If she can't respect that, she can find a hotel room. My DD was only 29 lbs at her 2 year appointment, and to ME she looks like skin and bones (no one else sees it... I just worry too much). I asked her doc about the picky eating, she said "is she eating?" I said yes. She said "then just let her eat"... so I give her what she'll eat. Of course, I offer other foods, but you can't force feed a 2 year old. 

at my 3rd dd's 18 month appt. she wasn't even on the %ILE scale for weight, at her 2 year visit she was at the 9% for weight, although the difference is that she eats like a pig, just doesn't gain weight, she's tall too though and is constantly on the move...

if your MIL doesn't understand, make another dr.'s appt. and take your MIL just so that she can hear it for herself... she's fine, try asking her what she wants to eat though, sometimes our kids get just cereal for dinner because they don't want what we made, or pbj... if you find something she likes then maybe she'll eat more, and maybe it'll get your MIL off your back... 


bump.

TheTaoOfKim
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 11:23 AM

I think that even though you and your husband have explained the situation she will probably still feel the 'need' to comment. Even if you tell her how you feel and how it causes you to feel she will probably continue on and on. My MIL is the same way. I hope for your sanity you find a way to keep from going into a depression or a mood you can't get out of. In the future, I would limit her visits to a couple of days if she can't keep her comments to herself. I would also let her know that if she continues her stay will be limited to the amount of time YOU can handle.

I don't care if she is the grandma. She needs to be respectful IN YOUR HOME.

Best of luck mama.

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