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My son is demeaning these girls

Posted by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:08 PM
  • 60 Replies

First, I'm going to admit that I've done something wrong and I've looked at his hi5 account (it's a social networking site).  He has accessed it on my laptop and the password is stored.  I know it''s wrong to be looking at his account, but I'm not happy with what I'm seeing.  He's 19 years old, so he is a legal adult, but like most boys his age, he's very immature.  Also, he is actually my stepson but he lives with us. 

Well...he's been playing these girls that he has friended on this site.  He is leading them on.  Of course, they could be playing with him too.  I don't get internet flirting since I've been married as long as internet chat sites have been around (more or less).  My son is originally from another country and he is chatting with girls from his home country.  He is specifically chatting with a 15 year old girl who has now changed her profile pic to one where she's in a bra and panties.  None of her other pictures are like that.  He has now asked her for "pictures" and I'm pretty sure he is asking for more provocative pictures.  He is also playing with two other girls in a similar way, although he isn't asking for pictures. 

This is disgusting to me, especially if he actually is asking for naked pictures.  When I was looking at pictures on his phone (because he showed me some he took of my baby boy - he didn't know I looked at other pictures), there is a picture of a girl that was obviously one that was sent to him.  She is on her bed spread eagle and naked showing everything. 

Some of you may say boys will be boys...but would you want YOUR daughter doing this for a guy's attention?  Would you want YOUR son looking at pictures like this and asking for them? 

I don't know what to do.  I can't tell my husband because he will get super pissed off at me.  I can't say anything to him.  The only thing I can do is sort of touch on the subject which I have in the past (before I knew about this recent stuff - I only knew about the picture on his phone).  I don't get why people would do this and I don't know how to get him to stop.

Please...if you're just going to bash me for going into his account, just turn back and don't reply.  I know it's wrong and maybe that makes me a horrible person, but that's not what I'm concerned about.  I'm concerned about what I have discovered and not what I did right now.

by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
bluebunbun
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:12 PM

well if he is talking to a 15 year old and asking for pic's that is technically child porn period she is 15 even if she sent it to him he is in possession of it and could go to jail but idk how to help so here is a BUMP

wife.and.mommy
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:12 PM

he is 19, if you dont like what he is doing have him move out and get his own place.  

i would NOT like my DD doing these things, nor would i want my son being such a perv. but it happens, he is of legal age, and if he doesnt like your spying then he can leave.

what your doing is wrong (spying that is) but hey you did it, and apparently you feel you did right (i dont agree)

nothing you can you but tell him to get out

AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:13 PM

He is 19, not 15.

I am a Private School sending, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Homework Helping, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Academic pushing Mother. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it raising my child - I will do that, Thank You. I believe that a woman's place is in the home taking care of her house, children and husband. I am submissive and proud, my husband is head of my home. I am a proud, traditional Roman Catholic, as is my husband... Yes we are teaching our children that The Church is the only Church.               Aimee


 

carinyosa99
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:17 PM

And THAT is what I'm concerned about. 


Quoting bluebunbun:

well if he is talking to a 15 year old and asking for pic's that is technically child porn period she is 15 even if she sent it to him he is in possession of it and could go to jail but idk how to help so here is a BUMP


Bonnie
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:19 PM

No, but one of the girls he is talking to is 15.

I wouldn't put up with it. He was stupid enough to store the password on your laptop, so you have every right to look.

Quoting AutymsMommy:

He is 19, not 15.


Chick
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:21 PM

You are so gonna get bashed to hell and back. BUT not from me. Just simply saying, at 19, nothing you can do and of course you already know you shouldn't spy on him, don't do it anymore and just leave it as his business. Even if you did mention it to him, nothing would change, other than your relationship with him would be ruined. I would try to find oppurtunities to bring up the subject in general without him knowing what you did, don't tell him by any means!  Such as bringing up a news article about a guy being charged by a minors parents when they found nude pics on her phone or something...something real that you could be reading in front of him...just that kind of idea, if it ever happens.

elleinad
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:23 PM
I have a sincere belief men turn into these poon hounds becase their parents never taught them how to treat a woman. And sadly, at this point, there is little you or DH can do to turn the tide. His formative years are over.

I'd bring it up with DH. He can get mad all he wants. The bottom line is, your son is on the cusp of being on a sex offender's list for the rest of his life. DH and SS will have to get over their butt hurt feelings about privacy. If SS doesn't shape up I'd tell him he can go disrespect women on his own time and his own rent and Internet bill.
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bluebunbun
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:24 PM

exactly i agree 100% also if he was to store those pic's on your computer guess what you now have child porn and that is no joke i only have a very young dd but my brother is 14 and i have partial custody of him even if he had pics like that it is still child porn he knows better and is 5 years younger. why would your so get mad? he stored the password......this is kind of serious yes nothing will most likely happen but it is still illegal what he is doing if the girls were at least 17 i would say not illegal either set him straight or leave it alone but this could be something serious

Quoting Bonnie:

No, but one of the girls he is talking to is 15.

I wouldn't put up with it. He was stupid enough to store the password on your laptop, so you have every right to look.

Quoting AutymsMommy:

He is 19, not 15.



bluebunbun
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:26 PM

i agree yes you spied and that was wrong BUT what you found was not some conversation with another adult he could be on the sex offenders list without even ever meeting these girls in person.....

Quoting elleinad:

I have a sincere belief men turn into these poon hounds becase their parents never taught them how to treat a woman. And sadly, at this point, there is little you or DH can do to turn the tide. His formative years are over.

I'd bring it up with DH. He can get mad all he wants. The bottom line is, your son is on the cusp of being on a sex offender's list for the rest of his life. DH and SS will have to get over their butt hurt feelings about privacy. If SS doesn't shape up I'd tell him he can go disrespect women on his own time and his own rent and Internet bill.


kngarber
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:28 PM

 Whoa....you have way over stepped your bounds.  WAY over stepped. 

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