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Should we allow my husband step daughter to live with us ?

Posted by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 11:18 PM
  • 10 Replies

OK long story short my husband was married b4.. his son is 10 yrs old, his son has a sister whom is 11 my dh was there when she was born and has been her dad her whole life. My step daughter now wants to come live with us. She will be in middle school and where we live there are k-8 schools. She is a very sweet girl and my 7 yr old and her get along great, and frankly my 7 yr old gets bored of being a only child .. Please give ur advice and thoughts on this ... I just dont know

by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 11:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jackiewal10
by Gold Member on Jun. 13, 2010 at 11:21 PM

So, just to get some facts, this little girl is NOT your DH's biological child?  But her bio dad is not in the picture?  She doesn't know her bio dad?  Did your DH ever adopt her?

Legally, she may not be able to come live with you if your DH never adopted her.  She is not his child, she has no real ties to him, other than he's been in her life since she was born.  Her mother would have to agree and I would assume that something would have to go through the courts to get the arrangement finalized.

SassyPainter
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 11:22 PM

Only you can know if that's a good idea for your family.  Follow your gut and your heart.

3mommy3
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 11:23 PM

 Why not????

comptonkids
by Gold Member on Jun. 13, 2010 at 11:24 PM

my advice is dont rush into anything....have you had her for visitation? for more than a week at a time?

having her visit and having her LIVE with you are 2 VERY different things

we are considering having DHs son come live with us, but due to past instances, i am 'gun shy' of it and want to ease into it throughout the summer

2cool4school
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 11:26 PM

 Be careful. Neither you or DH have any legal rights to this child. It would be sad to fall in love just to have her removed from your custody when things are no longer convenient for BM or Bio Dad.

MrsArnett
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 11:26 PM


Quoting jackiewal10:

So, just to get some facts, this little girl is NOT your DH's biological child?  But her bio dad is not in the picture?  She doesn't know her bio dad?  Did your DH ever adopt her?

Legally, she may not be able to come live with you if your DH never adopted her.  She is not his child, she has no real ties to him, other than he's been in her life since she was born.  Her mother would have to agree and I would assume that something would have to go through the courts to get the arrangement finalized.


Her mom has agreed  to it. It was her idea. this is not my dh bio child but my husband was there when she was born  till now if that makes since... My dh never adopted because they divored when she was like 2 yrs old and  its hard to adopt if they arent married. her birth dad is not in the picture never has been.

MrsArnett
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 11:31 PM


Quoting 2cool4school:

 Be careful. Neither you or DH have any legal rights to this child. It would be sad to fall in love just to have her removed from your custody when things are no longer convenient for BM or Bio Dad.


We have already fallen in love with her. She has been my step daughter since she was 5.. She is now 11 of course I love her!! Bio dad has nothing to do with this child ! again my husband has been in her life since the day she was born

jackiewal10
by Gold Member on Jun. 13, 2010 at 11:35 PM


Quoting MrsArnett:


Quoting jackiewal10:

So, just to get some facts, this little girl is NOT your DH's biological child?  But her bio dad is not in the picture?  She doesn't know her bio dad?  Did your DH ever adopt her?

Legally, she may not be able to come live with you if your DH never adopted her.  She is not his child, she has no real ties to him, other than he's been in her life since she was born.  Her mother would have to agree and I would assume that something would have to go through the courts to get the arrangement finalized.


Her mom has agreed  to it. It was her idea. this is not my dh bio child but my husband was there when she was born  till now if that makes since... My dh never adopted because they divored when she was like 2 yrs old and  its hard to adopt if they arent married. her birth dad is not in the picture never has been.

If he never adopted her, then I think it would be kind of risky.  Because he is not her father, SO MANY things could make that situation a bad one.  For example, bio mom and your DH have a fight about something (anything).  It's a bad fight, she gets royally pissed off and wants to get back at him.  She could call the cops and tell them that the two of you kidnapped her daughter.  Because your DH has no legal claim to her, he would be charged with kidnapping and there wouldn't be a damn thing you could do about it besides go to court and fight it out. 

Personally, I think it's great that he is still in her life and providing that role of father figure, even though he doesn't have to.  BUT, if I were in that situation, I would not have her move in. I mean, if there was an emergency and you had to go the the ER, your DH couldn't even legally sign off on anything because he is not her parent.  You'd have to wait for her mother to get there.  Too many "what if's" for me.

heybooboo
by Silver Member on Jun. 13, 2010 at 11:39 PM

If your DH is her "Father" (legal or not), and she wants to try it, why not.  If her Mom is OK with it, your DH is Ok with it, and it wouldn't harm the family.  I would say at least give it a try.

erinsmom1964
by Gold Member on Jun. 14, 2010 at 12:11 AM

 

Quoting jackiewal10:

 

Quoting MrsArnett:

 

Quoting jackiewal10:

So, just to get some facts, this little girl is NOT your DH's biological child?  But her bio dad is not in the picture?  She doesn't know her bio dad?  Did your DH ever adopt her?

Legally, she may not be able to come live with you if your DH never adopted her.  She is not his child, she has no real ties to him, other than he's been in her life since she was born.  Her mother would have to agree and I would assume that something would have to go through the courts to get the arrangement finalized.


Her mom has agreed  to it. It was her idea. this is not my dh bio child but my husband was there when she was born  till now if that makes since... My dh never adopted because they divored when she was like 2 yrs old and  its hard to adopt if they arent married. her birth dad is not in the picture never has been.

If he never adopted her, then I think it would be kind of risky.  Because he is not her father, SO MANY things could make that situation a bad one.  For example, bio mom and your DH have a fight about something (anything).  It's a bad fight, she gets royally pissed off and wants to get back at him.  She could call the cops and tell them that the two of you kidnapped her daughter.  Because your DH has no legal claim to her, he would be charged with kidnapping and there wouldn't be a damn thing you could do about it besides go to court and fight it out. 

Personally, I think it's great that he is still in her life and providing that role of father figure, even though he doesn't have to.  BUT, if I were in that situation, I would not have her move in. I mean, if there was an emergency and you had to go the the ER, your DH couldn't even legally sign off on anything because he is not her parent.  You'd have to wait for her mother to get there.  Too many "what if's" for me.

 I can see being worried about these issues but i would think these things could easily be handled by the mother signing over the child to you.  By making you guys her guardian that would cover medical and school issues and such.  What a wonderful guy you married and what a wonderful wife and mother you are!!!  Go for it Momma just make sure your i's are dotted and t's are crossed. 

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