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Marriage not a fairy tale...*Update*

Posted by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 3:23 PM
  • 40 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Did you marry your best friend or your prince?

Options:

Best Friend

Prince

Both

Neither


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Total Votes: 105

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Hi Ladies...I'm gonna be honest...I've had this idea of what a marriage/relationship is like FOREVER...I have always thought that your SO is loving and sweet and full of loves and hugs.  I realize people argue, but I really didn't think that happened in a marriage...atleast not the big stufff.  I thought you both liked the same t hings and wanted to spend all of your time together.  I work for a guy who wrote some very popular marriage and relationship books and he kind of burst my bubble about marriage and my hopes for my future.  He pretty much said, your looking for your best friend and someone to hang out with...albeit, that is somewhat cynical...but none the less...I'm shocked and saddened.  What happens to the sparkle...it makes me want to cry that all I get is a friend...I thought it was so much more and magical.  I know it is unrealistic...but it honestly makes me want to throw out all of my daughters princess books because there just not true.  I want to cry...

After I had this conversation about marriage with the "expert"...it got me thinking...was it really that bad with my daughters father...sure he drinks (he's working on it)...he is there for me for the big stuff...conversation could be a little better...he's not really touchy feely and sometimes I need that.  He is very sarcastic and I get pissed about that alot...but if all I get is a friend...can't I work it out with hiim?? I'm at a crossroads in my life and I don't know what to do...i'm surprised that I'm so shocked by this newfound knowledge I have...

So tell me...did you marry your best friend or your prince??n  Are you happy?  Or are you settling??

I just wanted to say thank you for your responses.  The one about setting my daughter up for failure with men...I think you are correct...not to point the finger at my mother...but I have never had a good view of what a successful relationship is and I want to show that to her.  I believed in the fairy tales and it screwed me up until...I'm now 29...I feel like I'm having a midlife crisis...It's not going to be easy...but I have to retrain myself.  I have to accept the fact that her dad isn't prince charming...but he pays the bills, shows me he cares *in his way*...and has been there through all the major life stuff for me....he's not perfect, but I'm not either...I think I have decided that we WILL make this work...that I need to relax and let the little stuff go...I have to say...this is one hell of a shock to me...but thank you ladies for pointing me in the right direction...more than anything I want a successful marriage and family...a whole family.

by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 3:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
KaseyHickman
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 3:30 PM

 I do not think of my husband as my best friend or my prince. I think of him as my second half the other part of me that completes me. He isnt my best friend I have a girlfriend who is my best friend. He isnt my prince because no man is perfect! My life is no where near a fairy tale, but there are things that happen that might make it seem that way. Marriage is hard it take a lot to keep a marriage together forever. There are ups and downs and times when you want to just punch them in the face. It is when you can make it past the hard times and push forward that make a marriage work. Even if things are great you still have to work! I love my husband and I would not want anything to change! We have our problems and we both get irritated but we can always work it out!

hoping4number3
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 3:33 PM

yup...thank my momma for tellig me "marriage isn't a fairy tale"  :) it's work 100% effort from you, 100% effort from him. whenever 1 of you is not giving 100%, it's not going to be so happy. DOnt  worry about his part, worry about your 100% :)

and I am in love with my hero and my best friend. yea we bicker. but in the end, he's my life :)

dosthepost
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 3:34 PM

It takes me far too much time to explain how I feel about my husband... but let it suffice to say that I married the only person in the world for me :)

gabbyem22
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 3:35 PM


Quoting KaseyHickman:

 I do not think of my husband as my best friend or my prince. I think of him as my second half the other part of me that completes me. He isnt my best friend I have a girlfriend who is my best friend. He isnt my prince because no man is perfect! My life is no where near a fairy tale, but there are things that happen that might make it seem that way. Marriage is hard it take a lot to keep a marriage together forever. There are ups and downs and times when you want to just punch them in the face. It is when you can make it past the hard times and push forward that make a marriage work. Even if things are great you still have to work! I love my husband and I would not want anything to change! We have our problems and we both get irritated but we can always work it out!


But how many problems are to many?? What level of problems are too much?? I love my SO...but sometimes I want to punch him...the way he talks sometimes...little things...I cut our daughters hair...god forbid he tells me I did a good job...and when I tell him...i think I did a good job...he says...i'm not saying it because you want me too...that doesn't sit well with me.  Why can't he be uplifting?  Boost me up when I need it?? I realize he doesn't know when I need it, but periodically just say something nice...I'm just having a hard time...I don't want to train him to tbe the man I need him to be...it's been four years...and we still can't get it right...I don't want to leave him...but I don't want to fight...so sick of the fighting...

Sorry, I think I'm having a midlife chrisis and I'm only 29...

norahsmommy
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2010 at 3:36 PM

I wouldn't think of it as "all you get is a freind".  Having a true freind in life that will be there for you until one of you dies is a very wonderful thing.  Relationships seem magical when they are new. Everything is exciting, your heart flutters, and races when you see your special someone.  However as a realationship matures that feeling fades.  It doesn't mean you love fades, your relationship is just changing, growing more mature.  After you have been married for a while you will start to see that even though your heart may not skip a beat when he walks in the room anymore, you are still very lucky.  You will have someone to hold you close and cry with you when tragity stikes, you will have someone who laughs with you over stupid late night tv, you will have someone to fart in bed with!  You get so stroll though lifes ups and downs knowing that no matter what at least 1 person is on your side, knows you, understands ALL of you and loves you. You will get to complain about your aches and pains with someone just as flubby and wrinkled as you when you are old, and you will have someone to watch your children grow up with.  I am happy to have a freind in my husband.  He loves me and supports me and I do the same for him. My 'prince' would never have been there through the miscarriage and the depression that followed, but my freind was. Marriage isn't always sparkley and fun, sometimes things get hard, but if you do the work they always get better again.  I am glad I got married, have been married for almost 10 years, and I am never sad I am with 'just' my freind.

m0m2x
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 3:36 PM

There no such thing as a marriage that is all the time "loving and sweet and full of loves and hugs".    I don't think you should just have a friend in your husband though, he also has to be your lover.  You will both want more if your just friends.  Marriage is all about good times and bad, stick through the bad times and enjoy the good.

mrsmoore02
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 3:39 PM

When we first met, he was a prince.  He then became my best friend.  He's now the half of me that I was missing.

norahsmommy
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2010 at 3:46 PM


Quoting gabbyem22:


Quoting KaseyHickman:

 I do not think of my husband as my best friend or my prince. I think of him as my second half the other part of me that completes me. He isnt my best friend I have a girlfriend who is my best friend. He isnt my prince because no man is perfect! My life is no where near a fairy tale, but there are things that happen that might make it seem that way. Marriage is hard it take a lot to keep a marriage together forever. There are ups and downs and times when you want to just punch them in the face. It is when you can make it past the hard times and push forward that make a marriage work. Even if things are great you still have to work! I love my husband and I would not want anything to change! We have our problems and we both get irritated but we can always work it out!


But how many problems are to many?? What level of problems are too much?? I love my SO...but sometimes I want to punch him...the way he talks sometimes...little things...I cut our daughters hair...god forbid he tells me I did a good job...and when I tell him...i think I did a good job...he says...i'm not saying it because you want me too...that doesn't sit well with me.  Why can't he be uplifting?  Boost me up when I need it?? I realize he doesn't know when I need it, but periodically just say something nice...I'm just having a hard time...I don't want to train him to tbe the man I need him to be...it's been four years...and we still can't get it right...I don't want to leave him...but I don't want to fight...so sick of the fighting...

Sorry, I think I'm having a midlife chrisis and I'm only 29...

If you don't want to fight, then just don't go there.  I realize it does happen sometimes, but if you don't want fight all the time, just don't.  Have  a sit down with your SO and say, "from now on I am going to try really hard not to fight with you. If we disagree, we will sit down and be civil about it and if we can't, we will pause the conversation until we can be civil when we come back to it.  This works especially great when you are trying not to fight in front of children.  I do this with my husband and it works well.  Its also important when you do dissagree to ACTUALLY listen to your SO.  Don't just wait for them to get done talking so you can express your point. Really listen to their wants and needs so that you can understand the real issues and that will lead to less fighting. 


"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is also a government big enough to take from you all that you have." - Gerald Ford

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety  deserve neither liberty nor safety." - Benjamin Franklin

"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.  We didn't pass it on to our children in the bloodstream.  It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free."  - Ronald Reagan

norahsmommy
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2010 at 3:47 PM

what a great way to put it!

Quoting mrsmoore02:

When we first met, he was a prince.  He then became my best friend.  He's now the half of me that I was missing.


"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is also a government big enough to take from you all that you have." - Gerald Ford

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety  deserve neither liberty nor safety." - Benjamin Franklin

"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.  We didn't pass it on to our children in the bloodstream.  It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free."  - Ronald Reagan

AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2010 at 3:51 PM

I definitely married my best friend. We have few things in common, but that makes our lives interesting... because we have to be willing to compromise and try what the other likes... in the process, we realize that we enjoy things we thought we wouldn't. I'm not a fan of the "head over heels in love" scenario for a lasting marriage. I believe that if you marry a man that is your best friend, love grows... real love. The kind that never fades. I adore my husband, I love my husband, he is my best friend, my lover, my confidant... everything all rolled into one sexy Italian Stallion :o)

I am a Private School sending, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Homework Helping, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Academic pushing Mother. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it raising my child - I will do that, Thank You. I believe that a woman's place is in the home taking care of her house, children and husband. I am submissive and proud, my husband is head of my home. I am a proud, traditional Roman Catholic, as is my husband... Yes we are teaching our children that The Church is the only Church.               Aimee


 

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