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***UPDATE/EDIT***wasnt expecting this...PIOG (last edit, it was bothering me)

Posted by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 8:43 AM
  • 93 Replies

so my BF and i got into it last night. and just to clarify i am on my period and it makes me extremly sentivtive and irratable with certain things...

well we were having a conversation about bfing. and the fact i do it in public. and no i dont use a cover because its uncomforatable with my son and i and just because i dont use a cover doesnt mean i am not extremely careful to only pull it out a bit , enough for kaevyan to latch on.

he got upset becasue while he wants me to breastfeed, he doesnt want me to at a crowded resturaunt and he knows how i feel about going to the car or bathroom, that is just unacceptable. breastfeeding is never something to hide. yet he doesnt have another thing he would rather me do. like no dear not here in this crowded room, where do i go then???   oh idk???.

and then we had gone to see grown ups and of course there is a part where the mom is still bfing her 4 yr old and he joked oh that was definatly me in a couple yrs. and while it was haha funny. when i had asked if he would be upset with that (me bfing til 4) he got all upset and said seriously??? of course and he said he would be upset because at that point i would just be spoiling him. and i said even if it was 1 time at nighttime? and he was like yea. i cant believe your serious...

i am really fuming. i mean i dont know when imma stop. because im for child-led weaning. he was saying stuff like its called decency. and oh, its called parenting, if you dont force them to be independent your not parenting right? wtf??? then he tried to justify it by saying, oh if your kid drawd on the wall would you just wait for him to stop??? then he continues with , i completely agree with bfing...just not im crowded public places because "he doesnt want other guys seeing my breast"

ahh sorry im just venting. grrr

 

*UPDATE/EDIT

just to clarify, he is my BOYFRIEND not my husband and we have only been together for maybe 4 months, and kaevyan is NOT HIS BABY, HE IS MINE. bfing is NEVER abuse. no matter what age. and no i dont agree with her response because its what i wanted to hear at all. i liked her response because she understood completely how i felt. about everything including the 4yr old. thats what i needed, advice on compromising with him without compromising my beliefs. i didnt need ppl to state the obvious that he doesnt like it. well duh. and just to state. i excersise my sons right to eat freely and not the imaginary "right" ppl have to be comforatable. sorry thats just how it is.

Oh and i dont get what he is freaking about becasue i rarely bf in public anymore. i only will if he absolutely wont eat anything put in front of him (which is rare) and when we go to the movies. btw when we are out eating i usually pick a table in the back corner where there arent many people because i do know how to be discrete and not use a cover. it is possible.

*Last Edit*

a woman posted that children dont know when they should stop and so its just the parents who want it at one point and ok that incorrect statement is bothering me, Children dont know when they "should"(accordding to society) stop but children know when they WANT to stop. it happens everyday, hence the term child-led weaning.

Im a 17 Yr. old,Attachment Parenting,extended breastfeeding,almost completely exclusively breastfeeding,disposable diapering,circumcising,non-CIO,selective vaxing,co-bathing,co-sleeping,child-led weaning,dont care what you think of me,TLC watching,blogging,junk food eating,say what i mean even if its not what you wanna hear,christain,walmart & dept store shopping,child spoiling,opinionated,have a high need baby,SAH/WAH mommy to one gorgeous little boy,with a unique name (Xa'Kaevyan Kohl).

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 8:43 AM
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Replies (1-10):
dosthepost
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 9:44 AM

I think you're probably freaking out over nothing... he just mentioned it in casual conversation. My husband wouldn't want the whole of a crowded restaurant trying to catch a peek either... just b/c you have such a clear head about BF doesn't mean that teenager in the table beside you does. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for whatever you decide to do, but I see where he's coming from.

CHabegger
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 10:54 AM

I can see where both of you are coming from.  But I don't think blaming your cycle is justifiable.  You are an adult and should be able to control your emotions and if you are more sensitive then table the issue until your hormones balance and then regroup.

It does sound like you and your SO need to sit down and have a calm and realistic talk about the whole bfeeding situation.  It sounds like you both are making very serious remarks casually and then not discussing them.  I think once you feel like your hormones have leveled out and you can discuss the issue without feeling attacked, then you two should sit down and really come to a decision together about what level of covering up is going to work for you all and how long you both feel you should breastfeed.

I will say, though, that covering up while breastfeeding is uncomfortable for any woman.  It would be much easier for any woman to go without a covering.  They cover up out of respect for those around them.  It's not that anyone feels bfeeding is wrong or inappropriate, but it's being respectful of especially the men who are around you at the time.  And it's also showing repsect to your SO if he has an issue with you not covering up.

I think you both need to sit down and talk and find a compromise because it sounds like neither of you is being very respectful at all of the other ones feelings and convictions.  And doing what you want while disregarding your SO's feelings (for either of you) is only going to lead to more and bigger problems down the line.

AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Jun. 27, 2010 at 10:57 AM

You cannot dictate how he feels about things like this, and his feelings should be considered.

My husband fully supports that I breastfeed, but he also requests that I not do so in public. I'm not a fan of breastfeeding in public regardless, so I simply do not do it. Never did.

And I agree with your husband on not breastfeeding until a child is 4. That, in my opinion, is more for the mother's benefit than the child's. With that said, you two need to reach a compromise.

I am a Private School sending, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Homework Helping, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Academic pushing Mother. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it raising my child - I will do that, Thank You. I believe that a woman's place is in the home taking care of her house, children and husband. I am submissive and proud, my husband is head of my home. I am a proud, traditional Roman Catholic, as is my husband... Yes we are teaching our children that The Church is the only Church.               Aimee


 

SAMNMAYASMOM
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 10:58 AM

 Children DO need to be independent. If your SO is not happy with you breastfeeding for so long, then you need to really think about what he's saying. If you don't, it will cause tension and that's not good. Guys DO look at breasts while people are breastfeeding. It happened to me. If I hadn't been so young and shy, I would have told them to stop being creeps, and I would have talked to the manager of the restaurant. I had a blanket, and I was trying to cover up, but my DD kept pulling the blanket off. Just relax and talk to him about it calmly. 4 years old is way too long to still be breastfeeding. Oh, and please hit spell check. Really.

AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Jun. 27, 2010 at 10:58 AM

Covering up was quite easy and comfortable for me.

Quoting CHabegger:

I can see where both of you are coming from.  But I don't think blaming your cycle is justifiable.  You are an adult and should be able to control your emotions and if you are more sensitive then table the issue until your hormones balance and then regroup.

It does sound like you and your SO need to sit down and have a calm and realistic talk about the whole bfeeding situation.  It sounds like you both are making very serious remarks casually and then not discussing them.  I think once you feel like your hormones have leveled out and you can discuss the issue without feeling attacked, then you two should sit down and really come to a decision together about what level of covering up is going to work for you all and how long you both feel you should breastfeed.

I will say, though, that covering up while breastfeeding is uncomfortable for any woman.  It would be much easier for any woman to go without a covering.  They cover up out of respect for those around them.  It's not that anyone feels bfeeding is wrong or inappropriate, but it's being respectful of especially the men who are around you at the time.  And it's also showing repsect to your SO if he has an issue with you not covering up.

I think you both need to sit down and talk and find a compromise because it sounds like neither of you is being very respectful at all of the other ones feelings and convictions.  And doing what you want while disregarding your SO's feelings (for either of you) is only going to lead to more and bigger problems down the line.


I am a Private School sending, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Homework Helping, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Academic pushing Mother. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it raising my child - I will do that, Thank You. I believe that a woman's place is in the home taking care of her house, children and husband. I am submissive and proud, my husband is head of my home. I am a proud, traditional Roman Catholic, as is my husband... Yes we are teaching our children that The Church is the only Church.               Aimee


 

superexcitedmom
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:07 AM
I think you both should sit down & compromise... i mean you both agree on bfing... maybe try getting a cover for when youre in public with him? my dh supports my bfing & supporting me to not offer but not deny it to my dd after age 1.... & he has said that he would prefer me to cover up in public... but i think if i chose not to he would be ok too because its me having to feed the baby not him!!! but just talk about it!!!
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KaseyHickman
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:16 AM

 I agree

Quoting dosthepost:

I think you're probably freaking out over nothing... he just mentioned it in casual conversation. My husband wouldn't want the whole of a crowded restaurant trying to catch a peek either... just b/c you have such a clear head about BF doesn't mean that teenager in the table beside you does. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for whatever you decide to do, but I see where he's coming from.

 

Brianne036
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:19 AM


Quoting KaseyHickman:

 I agree


Quoting dosthepost:


I think you're probably freaking out over nothing... he just mentioned it in casual conversation. My husband wouldn't want the whole of a crowded restaurant trying to catch a peek either... just b/c you have such a clear head about BF doesn't mean that teenager in the table beside you does. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for whatever you decide to do, but I see where he's coming from.


 

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dosthepost
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:21 AM

BTW, you don't have to cover. You can get a carrier or sling... it's not as cumbersome as a cover, but it is a little less obvious that you're BFing when you wear it. I wouldn't feed in the bathroom, either, trust me.... but I might go out to the car to do it, or make sure that I got a table or booth that was kind of in a corner where no one could see. I'm very very very modest, and when I see a mom BF in public, i don't think badly of her... but if my husband doesn't want the entire world looking at my chest, then I'd find a way to make him happy without compromising my child, KWIM?

AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:31 AM

When I was in Macy's the other day, I was delighted to find that they had a sitting area for nursing mothers. It was right outside the restrooms. A nice little room with couches, a recliner, a water fountain, low lighting etc. I was talking to my husband last night about it... I wish that more places did this. I refuse to nurse "in public", and it would make things so much easier if other venues would take the cue of this department store!

Quoting dosthepost:

BTW, you don't have to cover. You can get a carrier or sling... it's not as cumbersome as a cover, but it is a little less obvious that you're BFing when you wear it. I wouldn't feed in the bathroom, either, trust me.... but I might go out to the car to do it, or make sure that I got a table or booth that was kind of in a corner where no one could see. I'm very very very modest, and when I see a mom BF in public, i don't think badly of her... but if my husband doesn't want the entire world looking at my chest, then I'd find a way to make him happy without compromising my child, KWIM?


I am a Private School sending, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Homework Helping, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Academic pushing Mother. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it raising my child - I will do that, Thank You. I believe that a woman's place is in the home taking care of her house, children and husband. I am submissive and proud, my husband is head of my home. I am a proud, traditional Roman Catholic, as is my husband... Yes we are teaching our children that The Church is the only Church.               Aimee


 

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