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Dealing with my Ex

Posted by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 4:06 PM
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Question: Is your ex this much of a jerk?




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Ok this is a half venting/half asking for advice post.


So me and my ex have a son together. Due to several months of hell, that would take too long to explain right now, my ex got custody of our DS. This is the first thing I find irriating since my ex didn't even want anything to do with his DS for the first 6 months of his life. So anyways, he has our child and has had him for 2 years now. I get to see my DS but only on every other weekend. So here's the deal:


Ever since my ex got custody of our DS he treats me even worse than when he wasn't in our lives. He belittles me, like calling me fat and saying that I'm a bad mother all the time. He threatens me, like telling me if I don't meet up with him for a talk that I won't get my DS for the weekend. He even accuses me of stupid things, like he wouldn't let me see my DS on Mother's Day because he claims I hacked into his facebook and posted on it that he hates our DS. Because of all the things he's accused me of I have to take random drug tests when we go to court, I have to see a therapist even though I've been told I don't need one and I have to bring atleast two more people to help me go pick up my DS so nothing gets started. What really annoys me is that I have to deal with all this but when I tried to tell the judge that my ex is an alchololic and needs to mentally evaluated, they did nothing! I even had to go to parenting classes but thy just handed my DS right over to this horrible man! Everytime I go pick up my son I get lectured or critisized by my ex. My DS never has shoes, even though I know I've sent serveral pairs with him, and his clothes are dirty or don't fit or he's wearing sweat pants in summer. One time I got him and he had a dirty diaper and a bad rash. I know of 4 occasions when he's had injuries and when I ask about it his dad tells me "Oh he got a hold of my razor." or "He fell off his ten year old cousin's bike." I have my DS right now and on his leg there is a mark that looks like a human bite. I asked his "dad" about it and he said that I cat bit him and that it wasn't any of my business anyways. I have no idea if my DS has been going to the doctor or not, and when I asked my ex what I should do if there is an emergancy he said "Just call me and I'll get back to you eventually." I heard from a friend of my ex's that DCS was even called on him and then three days later he packed up his family and moved. I'm terrified to send my DS home to this man because of how he acts and how my DS looks when he comes home to me.

What should I do about this situation?  I've tried talking to my ex but he refuses to listen. He acts like he's better than me and says that I'm childish and regrets ever knocking me up. Even his own parents are on my side and are trying to talk to their son but he's cut them out of his life pretty much.  

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 4:06 PM
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by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 4:15 PM

 You need to talk to a lawyer immediately.  You need to also document all the marks on your son, when they occured and your husbands responses to the injuries.  If you are truly worried for your son's safety then I would get DCS involved and discuss all of your concerns.

Unfortunately, and I know from my own experiences with my divorce.  A judge won't listen to accusations if they're only verbal.  You need to provide proof in some type of letter.  Document the day the incident happened eg: your son being inappropriately clothed etc.

You really need to speak with a lawyer who will help you.

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 4:17 PM

 And to note, you should talk to your ex's parents and see if they will speak on your behalf in court to back up all of the things you are saying about your ex, that will help you tremendously.

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 4:19 PM

Thanks. I took a picture of his leg after I picked him up and I may have to buy a tape recorder so I can record all the things his father says to me.

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 4:22 PM
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by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 6:00 PM

Take the poor innocent the the doctor and have them document the injuries as soon as possible. Or have CPS come to your house the next time you pick him up to examine the child. 

I had to do this with my son. But the doctor saw the abuse of me though the whole pregnancy to the labor/delivery. She told me that she could not do anything unless she saw the marks herself.

Good Luck

I'm right there praying with you for a sink hole to get the x on his merry way.

I know someone who has a little notebook that the time,' attitudes, clothes before, and after drop-offs. Their was enough documentation to get the parental rights terminate if the custodial parent chooses to go that route, I seen the notebooks. They kept them locked up at the parent' office where the kids don't know. Its been going on for 8 years. I even started to do it, because of my x and his new punching bag.

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 6:36 PM

This is all too common and awful -- in many cases, it's because your ex is abusive and cannot just let you be a mother -- it's how he maintains control and is allowed to continue to abuse. Time to get a lawyer, and do check out the websites above and see how common it is.

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 9:51 PM

Thank you all for your help!

by on Jun. 29, 2010 at 8:29 PM

 Hang in there...we're all here for you!

by Bronze Member on Jun. 29, 2010 at 8:35 PM

they've said it before, but I'll say it too, document EVERYTHING.  Good luck and I hope you get your little man back soon so he's well taken care of!

by on Jun. 29, 2010 at 8:38 PM

First off what does your visitation order for parenting time say?  If there is a court order for visitation time he has no choice but to let you take your son. Also, you should take a look at the parenting guidelines for your state.  I would file with the court to modify child custody/visitation.  Generally how it works with visitation in all states:  every other weekend, one afternoon a week, Parent A gets holidays and birthday in even years Parent B gets holidays and birthday in odd years, noncustodial parent gets two weeks (or every other week depending on where you life) during the summer, plus for your birthday, mothers day, and if the child has any siblings living with you you are supposed to get the child for the siblings birthdays as well. 

You need to document every injury your son has, also go back and try to remember the dates of the previous injuries.  You need to be calling CPS/DCS about these things. You actually need to document everything.  Everything you have on him is that much more you have to help you get your son back.  

When you file the motion to modify visitation/custody I would go ahead and try to get custody (after you've collected some proof of course) they will usually try to modify visitation if you don't get custody or if you do they will set visitation for dad.  I would ask for a Guardian at Litem  to be appointed to speak on behalf of your son. They will interview you, your ex, anyone who plays a significant roll in the child's life, and if your child is old enough your child as well. If your state offers this. 

Also I like the idea of seeing if you can get his parents speak on your behalf in court.  They do take witnesses in custody court sometimes!

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