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My Mother is an alcoholic, Help?

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 1:29 AM
  • 7 Replies

My mother is an alcoholic. She has been my whole life. I have been taking care of her since I can remember. Last week she was taken to the ER and diagnosed with Hep C. While she was in the hospital she started having alcohol withdrawals. She experienced the worst alcohol withdrawal you can have; Dementia Tremens. It's where you are confused, dillusional, have hallucinations...she had the worst hallucinations. Her Doc called me and said I needed to come be with her ASAP. When I arrived I was not at all prepared. She didn't know where she was, what she was doing, or what was going on. She was talking to people who were not in the room. She kept asking me where her daughter was (me). There were rabbits in her room, cats on her bed, people in the corner, and popcorn in the bathroom. I'm telling you, she was like a crazy person, all night long. She was even fishing with her IV line. I know it sounds really silly, but that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, see my mother like that. I silently cried all night long while I was trying to help her back into reality. I had to bandage her arm to keep her from ripping her IV out. It was just terrible. All of that from alcohol. She is "better" now...just until she starts drinking again. She swears she won't but I have heard that before.

I love my mother very much, but I live my life trying not to be like her and I have come a long way. I am very responsible, I don't drink or do drugs because I have seen first hand what it does to you. I have an amazing life with my 2 yr old son and wonderful DH. But she is always there...in the back of my head. I love her so so so much, I don't know how to help her. Please...what can I do?

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 1:29 AM
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Replies (1-7):
mommawombat
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 1:34 AM

Check her in a rehab immediately. She may be the mother but sometimes we have to step in the mother shoes.

She has a 2 yr grandson who deserves to know his grandma/. With you checking her into a rehab. You are giving both a priceless gift. Him to know his grandma and her to see him grew up.

(( HUGS)) and best of luck

jackieibird
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 1:42 AM

She has to help herself before you can even begin to help her through recovery.   You can suggest rehab, but as an adult she doesn't have to go (unless court ordered).  All you can do is try to talk to her, beyond that, there is nothing you can do. You can love your mom, but you don't have to support her decisions, or be there for her when she spirals out of control.  The people that REALLY need you are your husband and child.   Alcoholics don't need help when they are in the midst of their "disease", they are looking for people to bring down and stress out.  Alcoholics are very selfish individuals, and don't care about anyone but themselves.

I am sorry you are going through any of this.  What an incredible burden for you to feel you must bear.

Rhiannon1988
by Silver Member on Jul. 12, 2010 at 1:42 AM

my dad was an alcoholic when he was young before i was born. he told me stories all the time trying to steer me away from that road i guess. i have drank and didn't become addicted, i guess i'm just not like him.

he always told me he went through something similar, called dilherium tremens.. maybe it's the same thing, i know he had most of those side effects but i don't think he lost control completely.. and i don't think he had to goto rehab (though he might've), but he did have to take medication for a while and he did have to get a psychiatrist.. 

i agree with the first woman. i would check her into rehab at once. would be a relief for everyone.. and i know some rehabs are not trustworthy but.. it's better than what she's doing now.. maybe you could just come and see her alot? good luck. i spent alot of my childhood taking care of my mother too, also because she was drunk and irresponsible. but she wasn't an alcoholic. she barely drinks anymore and never went through any withdraws, besides wanting to drink.. but i know somewhat of how you feel. it sucks to be the parent instead of the child.

Rhiannon1988
by Silver Member on Jul. 12, 2010 at 1:46 AM

that's true... i would talk to her about rehab.. is she aware that she has a problem? maybe if you talk to her about it you should bring up the pain her addiction brings you. and how awful it was to see her like that..

Quoting jackieibird:

She has to help herself before you can even begin to help her through recovery.   You can suggest rehab, but as an adult she doesn't have to go (unless court ordered).  All you can do is try to talk to her, beyond that, there is nothing you can do. You can love your mom, but you don't have to support her decisions, or be there for her when she spirals out of control.  The people that REALLY need you are your husband and child.   Alcoholics don't need help when they are in the midst of their "disease", they are looking for people to bring down and stress out.  Alcoholics are very selfish individuals, and don't care about anyone but themselves.

I am sorry you are going through any of this.  What an incredible burden for you to feel you must bear.


2callmemom09
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 1:46 AM
This is a hard situation. You can't make her go to rehab though, she's an adult and can say no.I think only a judge can make her. You could always try an intervention. I hate seeing people like this, I always feel so bad for them. My SO's mother is an alcoholic as well. SO's brother has been trying for 2 years to get her to go to rehab. He contacted her employer for insurance info and advice, staged an intervention with her family back east, everything. She will not go, so we have to sit here and witness her go downhill. She always comes to my house crying (cause she's wasted and depressed and hates life) and we are sick of it. SO actually yells at her now when she does it. The sad part is she works at a hospital and sees this exact crap on a daily basis. Hang in there mama, hopefully one day your mom and SO's will find the courage to get sober... For good.
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costello78
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 1:52 AM

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother ,it is a scary ,sad and frustrating experience. both my parents are alcoholics and have cost me many tears , many nights sleepless , and at separate times have consumed my life to the point were it toke its toll on other,happier parts of my life. I too have made a choice to break the cycle no drinking, no drugs, for my children because i never, never want them to experience this in their lives. I have countless ,horrible stories about both of them , and that makes me feel very alone. my parents are supposed to be there for me, their grandchildren. my children will never have " normal " grandparents.

that being said , I'm just at a point now where yes, i love them , and yes i want to help them still,but i dont. because i cant. It is a terrible place to come to, but you can only help,and try for so long and then i just bacame a enabler. I still sometimes will get pulled in, but for the most part i try to live the best life i can , love my babies and at least try to feel good about the fact that this will not be their burden.

Morita-Michelle
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 1:55 AM

The Dr should have not called you they should have put a trained nurse to deal with your mom. Very unprofessional on the hospitals part and the Dr. The best thing you can do it to go to al anon and get some help for your self. Your mom will keep drinking as long as the people in her life take care of her and the problems the drinking is doing to her and the family even your son is being affected by his grandma's drinking.

I am sorry for what your going through. The best thing is to do is a professional intervention or she goes to detox and then go to a long term program. It is so hard to deal with family members who have an addiction. I just moved because I did not want my son to know where I and his little brothers live, He needed to face the facts. It has been very hard. He is finally in a program and getting him self some help and dealing with his problems with addiction. It was so incredibly hard to do. I love my son he was not a safe person for the my little boys to be around. I think it is harder on the ones wo are not addicted then the addicts some times the addict person is our addiction. Please talk care of your self and the family you are making with your husband and son. They should be your priority not your mom and her addiction. A two year old child needs his mom more then a grown woman who is making bad choices. Your not your mom's mother your son needs his mom more.

I am sorry if this seems like a lecture but if she is in the hospital now is time to get some help for her and you. They can help more then you. If you did not come to the hospital what would they have done for her. I don't know. Wish you all the best. Rember to take care of youself and the people your responsible for that is your husband and your son.

toddler boy

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