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Anxiety is ruining my lfe...Looking for someone to talk to...:(

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 5:23 PM
  • 10 Replies
I have had anxiety and depression most of my life. I am currently 29 yrs old. Here is my past which I believe led to my depression and anxiety. First off my dad is an alcoholic. He has always emotionally abuse me, though he never physically hurt me. To give an example he once told me the best thing I could do was kill myself. He gambled and drank so much that for years we lived in a house that had mold, mice, bugs, it was falling down around us.  In my late teen years and early twenties I would cut myself because I was depressed.When I was 22 years old I met my DH. He was only friends with me but when he saw how I was living and how depressed I was he got an apartment and moved me in with him. He then had his two DD's every weekend. In 2007 my DH gained full custody of his DD's bc their BM was living with a rapist. BM pretty much limited her visits and contact with the girls over the past 3 years and I became their main mother figure. At times they aren't happy with this, my DH's family doesn't want me to be their mother figure either. In March 2009 I gave birth to my DD who is 15 months old now. I did work in the past but had bleeding during my pregnancy so I had to stop working and now I am a stay at home mom. (though I would much rather work part time and finish college). December of 2009 we bought my parent's house and took out a rehabilitation loan. We figured we could stay in our current 2 bedroom apartment until the house was finished. We have had numerous problems with the contractor and had to fire him. Then we found out he worked on the house with no permits. He didn't have a license to to get permits where I live. We found a new contractor who estimated the rehab to be almost 30,000 we only have 18,000 left on our rehab loan. So we are still stuck paying rent and a mortgage on a house we can't live in. I can't work because I wouldn't even make enough to pay for child care bc I don't have my college degree yet. In April I found a lump in my breast and of course bc of my anxiety I was terrified but after a biopsy it turned out to be a fibroadeoma (benign). Then this past week I noticed another lump in my breast and I am terrified again :( . My anxiety is so bad I have hard time dealing my daily life.  I also have been having a lot of problems in my marriage. My DH thinks I'm not intimate with him enough and nags me about it all the time. He told me the first year of our marriage was the first year of our relationship. He thinks my anxiety keeps me from living my life. He doesn't understand why I am so afraid about the lump in my breast. Just wondering if there is anyone out there that could talk to me and give me some support.:( I don't know what to do anymore...I can't believe I another lump to worry about.
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by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 5:23 PM
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by Gold Member on Jul. 12, 2010 at 5:41 PM


by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 5:45 PM

I'm sorry hun. I don't really have advice in that situation; I don't know anything about rehabilitation loans or anything like that, but I know what it's like to be caught in a catch-22 not able to work because all your money would go to daycare and gas so you might as well stay home and raise your kid(s). Can you not get loans to go back to school? I know you've already got loans for other things, but it might be worth it to try to get ahead. 

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 5:49 PM

 I understand where you are coming from.. I have had panic attacks since I was 13 I am now 31.. But my panic attacks are a fear of leaving the house. My husband gets very bored and annoyed that we don't get out plus I have 2 girls 7 and 8 who don't understand why I don't take them out all the time.. Everyone keeps telling me "get over it" "push the fear" but it is not that easy and that advice makes it worse so I know where your coming from and I'm here anytime you need to talk

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 5:50 PM


by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 5:52 PM

 i have severe anxiety, panic attacks and depression and many phobias, i have been dealing with this for 10 years and am trying to deal with these things for the first time without meds.  if you ever want to chat, private message me anytime.  lots of hugs!!!!!

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 5:56 PM

 Hugs.........i too suffer from anxiety, it kinda comes and goes....depends on what is going on in my life but most of the time i'm suffering too. Hang in there.....sometimes I find it hard to believe but I will tell you what others tell me, God doesn't give you any more than you can handle...........boy is that HARD to believe most of the time but I do my best to remember that!

by Bronze Member on Jul. 12, 2010 at 5:56 PM

I am going to the Dr tomorrow to talk to her about my anxiety and that might be a good option for you too. If the first lump you had was benign it is a good possibility that this lump is the same thing. Make an appt. Get the lump checked out and while you are there talk to the Dr about your anxiety and when you get all of that figured out and feel better on the inside things will get better in your relationship. I think the anxiety I have is not letting me live my life just like your husband said to you

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by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 6:01 PM

 I hate the meds they out you on.. Ive been on paxil, celexa, cymbalta, xanax, and the latest was lexapro which I had an allergic reaction to.. Most made you a "zombie" and you feel like a test dummy.. My newest one is propanol which im afraid to start.. It is definately a serious issue that most don't understand..

by Gold Member on Jul. 12, 2010 at 6:30 PM

As far as daycare you can get subsidized daycare if you qualify. If you want to finish college this would be a good option. Many colleges now have day cares on campus. You NEED to talk to a professional/licensed therapist or psychiatrist. Not all meds zone you out. The lumps you are finding may be because of your anxiety. You really need help before you have a serious problem like stroke or heart attack.

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 6:43 PM

I used to have really bad panic attacks after my first son was born. They tell you that the worst panic attack only lasts a half hour...I would get them for hours. My doctor prescribed me xanax and the comfort of knowing I was no longer helpless cured me. I would feel them coming on and just tell myself that if it got bad I had medicine. To this day once in a great while I will feel one coming but I hurry up and distract myself. I am so sorry you have to deal with that. But I know when you have others in your situation you feel a bit better. If it was a benign lump this one more than likely is too. Some women are just prone to them.

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