Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

When to start having discipline and structure? New mother in a few months

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 4:44 PM
  • 8 Replies

I'm worried that since this is my first child, and i'll be so on cloud nine that i'll spoil my son too much and set an example that he can have whatever he wants, so i'm hopeing that at a young age i could start having structure in the household...i don't really know how to word what i wanna say...umm, my bf has a 4 yr old niece that throws temper tantrums and basically always gets her way because she's the first and only grandchild in the family...i'm 7 months pregnant and watching how she acts, makes me extremely worried that my son might end up like that. I'm not gonna be a hard ass that makes my kids to push ups over their dinner plates for goofing off at the table, and i don't believe in spankings, i just want to avoid what my bf's sister has to go through (even though it's her parenting that caused her problems) so how young should i start being a little more strict. I don't want to be like my mom because she was up my ass non stop and we eventually had to see a councelor cuz we were butting heads so bad, because she didn't know when to let me do my thing and when to discipline and i wasn't happy that my mom was constantly grounding me for every little thing, but i DON'T want to be a "Best Friend" mom ether like my bf's sister. So i want to keep it balanced between the two extremes. Obviously when the kid starts walking and tries touching everything, i should tell him no and take them away (my bf's sister let's her daughter play with her 100 dollar cell phone, 200 dollar ipod touch, i wouldn't allow that no matter how much he threw a fit) but that's pretty much all i know, and i just reallly want to be the best mom i can be and set a good example for my son....and i'm just worried i'll do it wrong. I believe in supernanny like it's a religion, that's how i wanna discipline my son. Any advice on how i should start setting limits and boundaries?

by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 4:44 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-8):
bamababe1975
by Gold Member on Jul. 25, 2010 at 4:57 PM

Be consistent, and start as soon as you see the first behavior you don't like. That may be at a year old, or it may be when he's 2. YOU and BF define the limits, not his grandparents. When he's very little, taking something away and distracting him with something else is a good way to start. And, yes, if he doesn't like when you make him give it back, he'll throw a fit, but you stick to your guns and eventually he'll learn that throwing a fit doesn't equal getting his way with you, either. ;)

chels_kam
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 5:08 PM

I believe in positive reinforcement. Im expecting and thinking about disipline as well... this is what I have come up with.

If my child is playing with something he/she isn't supposed to I would go ''no thank you!'' and take it and give him one of his/her toys. Also, I believe when they are older they should never have a sense that they have a say in their consequence/punishment for their actions. I will try and do my best not to argue with my child, but to instead tell them ''I love you so I will not argue with you, you can come to talk to me when your able to have a conversation''. And I think the most important thing is to stick with what you say. Most parents that yell at their children say ''your grounded'' etc, then almost immediately go back on their word... They say it out of anger, which is easy to do! So, I think cooling off and thinking of a good punishment is always going to be a better idea, that way you stick with what your saying. Kids should ALWAYS take you serious. What you say goes.

I worked in day cares a lot and they worked with positive reinforcement...  = )   works great.

chels_kam
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 5:09 PM

On another note, children need structure from day 1! In the beginning, it's when they are fed, changed, going down for naps... then goes to when they go to day care, fed, naps, blah blah... anyways! A child ALWAYS will need structure... heck, EVERYBODY needs structure in their life

steffielou_who
by Silver Member on Jul. 25, 2010 at 6:22 PM

Ummm... My children are bratty & spoiled but I love them to death! they throw tantrums to get their way and i do give in.. lol.. Let me know if your plan works cause mine sure as hell didn't!

comptonkids
by Gold Member on Jul. 25, 2010 at 6:36 PM

before 6 months, it is IMPOSSIBLE to spoil a child..so dont worry about that..i think about 8 months is the perfect age to start introducing gentle discipline....over a year is when id do more 'forceful' discipline such as spanking and time out

Brittsea
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 6:37 PM

my 1 year old is my only child and we started as soon as we got home trying to get him on a schedule...now at 1 he test our limits on certain things which is normal but he also knows when its bedtime naptime when its time to eat etc. like at 9 pm he will go to his bed room door and knock...we put him in bed and give him a sippy and he is out until between 8:30 and 9 the next morning...he is a really good child...he occationally has a tentrum tantrum but those are very mild and over in about 2 mins...he is very curious just like and other 1 year old but other than that he is well behaved...a schedule will help you out greatly when it comes to disapline

Rhiannon1988
by Silver Member on Jul. 25, 2010 at 6:39 PM


Quoting steffielou_who:

Ummm... My children are bratty & spoiled but I love them to death! they throw tantrums to get their way and i do give in.. lol.. Let me know if your plan works cause mine sure as hell didn't!

lol! my kids are pretty bratty too. but my 3 year old doesn't get her way.. she throws a fit she gets less not more. my son still gets his way though, he's 1 1/3 and when he's older he won't get his way either.. everyone does things differently.. and i think it depends on the child on how it turns out.

but i can tell you what i do with my DD and what little disciplin i do to DS.. my daughter goes to timeout when she doesn't listen, and when she does things she knows not to do.. my son gets told no for messing with stuff. and gets slapped on the hands if i have told him several times before about this particular thing. DD gets told that she does not cry unless she is hurt. otherwise she gets ignored. they get complimented and praised when they behave.

they aren't terrible children but on a bad day in the wrong kinda mood they can be.. 

Rhiannon1988
by Silver Member on Jul. 25, 2010 at 6:41 PM

as far as a schedule.. i put DD on a schedule when she was 1 1/2.. before that i pretty much let her do what she wanted.. i didn't really know any better, she was my first and i had no other examples. with DS i tried starting when he was born but he pretty much wrapped me around his finger.. though he has always been on more of a schedule than DD. now he eats and sleeps at pretty much the same time everyday.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)