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At what age did you let your child make their own decision

Posted by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 5:16 PM
  • 9 Replies

on small things like whether to have their hair cut or not, to cut their finger nails or not and things like that?

DD doesn't want me to cut her fingernails. Her daddy says shes too young to have longer nails but i dont see the problem as long as she allows me to keep the dirt from under them, and keep them filed so they dont get too long.

by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 5:16 PM
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by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 5:34 PM

I don't know. I clip my girls' nails, the oldest being seven, but she has no idea of personal hygiene with her special needs.

As soon as they can dress themselves they can pick out what to wear. except church and special events

by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 5:40 PM

I have yet to give my children options on things like personal hygeine and my oldest is 11. 

The hair thing - that they start getting a voice when they want to, but they have guidelines that they have to abide within to have a voice. 

They will not get to have a voice without it being restricted inside guidelines until they move out.  But when they are old enough to make choices within the boundaries my husband and I set then they are allowed to make their own decisions about certain things.

by Member on Aug. 7, 2010 at 5:44 PM

on the boys I gave them until about 7-8 yrs then they got to get in on the decisions.on my gal she was allowed to help with decision making about age 5.

by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 5:58 PM

my girls are 3.5yo and i let them have some choice. they like their bangs so i cut them instead of growing them out. i will paint their nails if they ask, i keep them trimmed but alayna likes them on the longer side, but she keeps them clean too so i dont mind. I think a lil independence is a good thing and as long as its nothing that i cant oversee than i dont mind

by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 5:58 PM

Offering choices to children is important from the very beginning: The choices offered selections that a child can make.

In this situation , with a co-parent involved , and when as a parent (single) one is not decided then the lesson is in delayed gratification, for the child and for parent(s) the central issue is : what is the answer to this?

For a single parent delaying an answer "Let me get back to you on that. That is a good question." And , what I do is invite discussion about the desired permission.  With a co-parent it is essential that the parents discuss the matter together and make that decision TOGETHER. It is crazy making for children when making personal choices is ALWAYS debated between the adults. So privately make your common plan on the new topic so that you are both on the same page .

Longer nails do involve more self care skills for a child and learning those is a good thing. I would not incourage a girl or boy to grow long nails if those interfered with any learning activities , however. Playing a musical instrument, doing things comes befor something as potential interfering as nails.

by Silver Member on Aug. 7, 2010 at 7:17 PM

 Huh.  I guess it depends on what the issue is but in your case it seems more about what you & your DH think than your daughter being allowed to have a choice.  My oldest is 4 & he's just now starting to notice stuff about himself so he's starting to make decisions about what he wants to wear.  He's noticed that his hair is curly & he likes it.  He'll come & tell me that his daddy made his hair ugly & want me to fix it.  I don't cut his nails anymore because he decided when he was 3 that I guess he'd chew them off instead.  His toenails aren't an option even though he hates me to cut them.  It honestly depends on what he wants since a lot of things he chooses are tempered or based on the way I've always done them. 

by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 7:20 PM

I think it depends on the issue at hand.  My daughter is 5 and she is allowed to choose what she wants to wear, nail polish and her hair I do because she has some crazy ideas about that.


by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 7:26 PM

My DD makes choices in certain things. But I think things like long nails should be then they hit the teenage years same with choosing if they want long or short hair.

by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 7:35 PM
That depends on the child and the decision, I feel decisions are important to children not full decisions but little ones. I have a drawer in my fridge for my 1 year old with his snacks and I allow him to choose what he wants at times when he is hungry. I also have a 14 year old who has a bigger say in things in her life. One of the things my 14 year old needs to do for us is a little research on important decisions, we are a homeschooling family so this serves 2 purposes. However I have a 9 year old dd who would love long hair but lacks the ability to keep it out of her mouth so in that area she has no choice, short hair. Now we have tried letting it grow out and giving her a chance but it always ends up wet and nasty looking again so off we go for a short cut. I do allow my children to make some decisions.
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