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Last time i checked I was married..

Posted by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 8:17 PM
  • 9 Replies

I am married but i am starting to think my husband just doesn't give a hoot.. So where do i start..

My husband has been drinking more then normal lately and it is really starting to get to me. He is a very anti social person so he drinks to ignore his problems and i guess talk more. Really the only time he plays with his kids is when he is drunk. The kids have told him they don't like him drinking and i have told him. He just says I wouldn't have to drink if I wouldn't screw up his life. I ask him what did I do. He says your not good with money. I said well i pay all the bills, rent, car payment etc and you don't even look at the emails that tell u these new bills have come in, he doesn't even look at his bank blance. So if i was so bad with the money ( before I was ) then why are all the bills and stuff getting paied. So i told him fine you have all the control, I changed the email address for the bills to go to his email addy and told him that if the lights and stuff get shut off it is not my problem. Lets just see how he does.. But thats not my biggest issue.

I have become just so tired of the BS , he tells me i have to remind him to brush his tell and hair and do his hours for work and stuff like that. Really am i the babysitter now.

He plays games all the time. This is what a day is like no joke.

8:30am i get up do his coffee, and lunch start the dishes

9:00am i start to wake him up,

about 10:00 am he fianlly gets up

hes at work till about 4 or 5 pm

5pm he comes home

5:30 he goes to take a nap tell me to get him up by 8pm

8:00pm i get him up

8:15 he is on his computer playing a game, i feed him dinner there get his milk

11pm i go to bed

3am he gets off the game and goes to bed ,

Day repeats itself

He gets drunk Weds, Friday Saturday and Sunday.

So then last night he was talking to me on Yahoo IM we were in the middle of a convo and he just stops talking . So about 25 min of him not talking i go downstairs and he is past out on the couch. I wake him up and say What the heck we were talking. I close his computer and then go up stairs.

He gets up today at about 4;30pm and says to me Why did you check on me last nite. I was like WTF you were talking to me and then you stopped so i came downstairs to see why and then i closed you computer. He was like i shouldn't have done that, so i say what i am suppose to did just sit in my room and wonder why u stopped talking. And he said nothing..

He says i am not aloud to know or see who he talks to cause when i have he has really bad convos with girls why he is drunk and says things he shouldn't so he says to stay away from his laptop, he plays games , when i go to bed and he does deside to get off the computer he waits till i am gone and then logs on to Yahoo Im and chats, sees me online and says nothing to me. He has a memebership to a porn web cam site and is always looking at porn.

I am crazy to think he just doesnt care anymore .. I just don't know what to think anymore. I am just so angry. I really just want to leave for a few days and hope he sees what he is doing.

by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 8:17 PM
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Replies (1-9):
by Barb on Aug. 7, 2010 at 8:20 PM

I am sorry.  It sounds like time to talk with your religious adviser or with a marriage counselor.

by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 8:21 PM

Wow.  Everything going on is not tolerated in our home.  If I were in your shoes, there would need to be changes or else he will be alone. 

"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification"  Romans 14:19

by Bronze Member on Aug. 7, 2010 at 8:40 PM

I would say there is a problem when you don't even sit in the same room to talk. so need to get help. if you can't afford therapy do you have a priest you can to? and I would say he has a drinking problem so he needs to get help for that.

by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 8:44 PM

 Same here.  I feel badly for you.

Quoting jillbailey26:

Wow.  Everything going on is not tolerated in our home.  If I were in your shoes, there would need to be changes or else he will be alone. 





by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 8:44 PM
Oh my lord... obviously you shouldn't be married!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 8:55 PM
Marriage counsiling!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Bronze Member on Aug. 7, 2010 at 8:55 PM

I would seriously advise counselling for you and your kids.

My mom is and has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. It is extemely hard on a child, you think you can help or fix the person and you cannot. It digs at your self esteem.

Al-anon is great place for you and your kids.

by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 9:22 PM

Umm yea... He would get the hell beat out of him if he was my hubby. I would have probably started when he got drunk and said it was my fault. I would give him an ultimatium about the drinking. Or you should just like take your kids one day and go stay with a family memeber or a friend for a couple of days or so and see how he likes having to help himself get up in the morning for work and then getting himself some dinner and being up at 8 pm. Good luck.

by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 9:24 PM

Counseling is a great option, if you both are receptive to it.  But, if you or your DH are not willing to put forth the effort to make counseling work, its a waste of time and money. 

It sounds like your DH has figured out how to have his cake, eat it, and then criticize you for it all, and then eat some one else's cake to boot.

You need to sit down and think about what you are willing to do about the situation.  Speak with a lawyer (that doesn't mean leave him, that means find out what your rights are).  

And when you are ready, you lay it all out for him.  Tell him it is up to him.  He can continue as he does now, but he will have to figure out how to do so single and while supporting a family with child support and alimony.  Or he can start acting like a husband, and treat you with respect.  But only do this if you are willing to follow through.  

Hugs.  There are tons of women out there, that have experienced exactly what you are experiencing now.  And a lot of them have even found themselves still married and happy.  Because their DHs wanted to be married more than they wanted to be scum.

Start small now, baby steps.  Handing over the books is a great start.  Perhaps next step is to not wake him up for work.  Buy him an alarm clock.  I would also make sure there are no bills in your name, and if there are those get paid first.  He can ruin his own credit, if he is going to act like this.


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