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For the SAHMs... (well, ALL the mamas!!)

Posted by on Aug. 24, 2010 at 10:09 AM
  • 35 Replies

I've been through some stuff this weekend. I've hit a wall with being a SAHM. I know there are working moms who would love to have this opportunity, but some women are not cut out for the job. People are different. I honestly never thought I'd be a mom, my first was a surprise. I became a mom by chance. I then became a SAHM, both our choice.

But the years have been grinding on me. They are with me ALWAYS. ALWAYS. I don't take them to my mom's for a few hours ever, she doesn't live here. I have no siblings. My DH works crazy long hours. As in, he's gone long before we wake and sometimes after kids are in bed. It's unpredictable. It had become the ONLY hat I wear, "MOM."

I applied for a PT position at my old job, and went all the way through the hiring process. I was supposed to be at orientation mon, but HR called me fri at FOUR freakin PM to let me know I couldn't attend orientation mon until a certain paper was brought in. I was actually relieved. My DH told me he didn't want me to work but hadn't told me that until now. I struggled with it the whole weekend, what to do. How could I WANT to leave them? Why did I do this? Did I pursue that job for the wrong reasons? How will I feel once they're grown and I look back and think that by choice I wasn't there for them? Yuck. It did not settle well.

I called my old boss. She understood. I went and visited later, she said she couldn't believe I was gonna try to do it anyway. Her DH does the same work mine does, and couldn't work until the kids were way older. Now I feel guilty about NOT doing it, but I know what I'm here to do. It was almost meant to be, the way that call came fri. Kinda last minute. Maybe a God thing as they say.

Anyway, here is a song to help any mommies that feel like they need validation outside the home, or like they aren't important. You are. You're somebody's hero, just like me. (I'm crying lol)

 

by on Aug. 24, 2010 at 10:09 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Bmat
by Barb on Aug. 24, 2010 at 10:16 AM

((hugs))

I am sorry that you are having this conflict and worry.  Since you are, I'd say get the job if you can. If you hate it, then after a fair interval, you can quit. Having a job isn't only about the money, it is also about being with other adults, getting your foot in the job market so that if you ever have to have a job, or want one when the children are grown, then you are already ahead of the game, also building up SS and making contacts. 

Let's say the job chance falls apart this time, then I'd recommend a day care once a week, or a sitter once a week, so you can get out and come back refreshed.

AM-BRAT
by Amber on Aug. 24, 2010 at 10:21 AM

Thanks Bmat. Those were all the reasons I was thinking. If I did a year of weekends, by the time I needed a mon-fri, I could slide right in. The hospital is great about hiring within.

But I've worked there a few times before, they know who I am. I will get in somewhere when the time is right. And the truth is my DH works weekends alot too. And his job trumps mine, it's how we live. The day they would have been in preschool, mon, I would have paid more than I made that day.

There were alot of factors both ways here, but the time is just wrong. It just is. I'm hoping to join MOPS now that I'm not babysitting anymore, that was another big reason for me being tied down. Hopefully that will help me with the adult interaction part.

Quoting Bmat:

((hugs))

I am sorry that you are having this conflict and worry.  Since you are, I'd say get the job if you can. If you hate it, then after a fair interval, you can quit. Having a job isn't only about the money, it is also about being with other adults, getting your foot in the job market so that if you ever have to have a job, or want one when the children are grown, then you are already ahead of the game, also building up SS and making contacts. 

Let's say the job chance falls apart this time, then I'd recommend a day care once a week, or a sitter once a week, so you can get out and come back refreshed.


lorismurph
by on Aug. 24, 2010 at 10:27 AM

Sounds like you need some play groups.  You need to get out, find some friends for you (and it's a bonus if they have kids).  When my 8yo was 3, I found (rather started) a playgroup in my area.  I just posted on a local website looking for friends to join us.  I've made lots of friends that way.  Now that I have 4 kids, we don't get together near as much and it's HARD!!  My dh also works long hours.  At least once or twice a week the kids don't see him at all.  My only sanity comes from having someone to call or go do things with so I can have some adult conversation.

Join a gym with free daycare.  That helps me a lot.  I can go check my kids in at the day care for an hour and go walking or work out.  There's also a big play place at ours where I  can go to meet other moms and talk to them.

Good luck, it is NOT easy being a sahm.

Bmat
by Barb on Aug. 24, 2010 at 10:27 AM

((hugs again))   You seem so blue. :(


It sounds as though you don't need to worry about getting a job if you want one. I hope that MOPS works out for you. :)

Quoting AM-BRAT:

Thanks Bmat. Those were all the reasons I was thinking. If I did a year of weekends, by the time I needed a mon-fri, I could slide right in. The hospital is great about hiring within.

But I've worked there a few times before, they know who I am. I will get in somewhere when the time is right. And the truth is my DH works weekends alot too. And his job trumps mine, it's how we live. The day they would have been in preschool, mon, I would have paid more than I made that day.

There were alot of factors both ways here, but the time is just wrong. It just is. I'm hoping to join MOPS now that I'm not babysitting anymore, that was another big reason for me being tied down. Hopefully that will help me with the adult interaction part.

Quoting Bmat:

((hugs))

I am sorry that you are having this conflict and worry.  Since you are, I'd say get the job if you can. If you hate it, then after a fair interval, you can quit. Having a job isn't only about the money, it is also about being with other adults, getting your foot in the job market so that if you ever have to have a job, or want one when the children are grown, then you are already ahead of the game, also building up SS and making contacts. 

Let's say the job chance falls apart this time, then I'd recommend a day care once a week, or a sitter once a week, so you can get out and come back refreshed.



Kimberly954
by on Aug. 24, 2010 at 10:32 AM

I'm in the same boat with the hubbies long hours and the baby with me 24/7. I am actually applying for part time jobs. I think it would be healthy for my infant to be around other kids and another caretaker for a couple hours a day. I think it would expose her to more than just mommy can do. Plus, mommy needs some "me" time too!

barbiegrl2488
by on Aug. 24, 2010 at 10:33 AM

I'm so sorry!!! I wish I had this option to make, tho... I have to go back to school when my son is barely 2 months old and have to be away 10 hours a day, 3 days a week JUST for school... plus another 10 hours for work... I cry thinking about it already (and my son's not due for a while) bc I feel like I'm gonna miss out!!! You're lucky! you wont miss them rolling over the 1st time, laughing, 1st words, 1st crawl, 1st steps... stuff that I'm SSSOOOO scared to miss!!!

My mom is a SAHM as well and she is on forums as well, she sews, home schools, etc. as much as I want to be a SAHM so I don't miss a thing, I feel she's such an amazing woman for being able to be there ALL day EVERY day... she really is my hero, just like in the song you put up!! I LOVE that song!! :)

Just cheer up, "everything happens for a reason" and maybe if it's meant to be, it will... maybe try volunteering once a week or something... that's what my grandma used to do! :)

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AM-BRAT
by Amber on Aug. 24, 2010 at 10:35 AM

Right, there are many days a week the girls don't see daddy at all in the summer. That doesn't contribute well to there attitude either lol.

All our gyms you pay the monthly AND childcare, I have no interest in that. Plus, for more than a year I was babysitting, so that's why I haven't been involved in any mommy stuff. That's the goal this year.

Right after I applied for that job, I started volunteering at the girls' preschool to help pay for it and feel like I accomplished something. Even though I accomplish something everyday, that's kind of the point of this post ya know? That when we feel like we're nothing more than mom, we're really the keeper of the cheerios lol. That was part of my conflict too. They weren't sure if they would hire, so I was branching out. I really like helping there, and wouldn't be able to on mondays if I were working.

Anyway, thank you.

Quoting lorismurph:

Sounds like you need some play groups.  You need to get out, find some friends for you (and it's a bonus if they have kids).  When my 8yo was 3, I found (rather started) a playgroup in my area.  I just posted on a local website looking for friends to join us.  I've made lots of friends that way.  Now that I have 4 kids, we don't get together near as much and it's HARD!!  My dh also works long hours.  At least once or twice a week the kids don't see him at all.  My only sanity comes from having someone to call or go do things with so I can have some adult conversation.

Join a gym with free daycare.  That helps me a lot.  I can go check my kids in at the day care for an hour and go walking or work out.  There's also a big play place at ours where I  can go to meet other moms and talk to them.

Good luck, it is NOT easy being a sahm.


Bmat
by Barb on Aug. 24, 2010 at 10:37 AM

I did volunteer when I was a SAHM.  Mainly things where I could take my child along, helping in the school library was one.

Quoting barbiegrl2488:

I'm so sorry!!! I wish I had this option to make, tho... I have to go back to school when my son is barely 2 months old and have to be away 10 hours a day, 3 days a week JUST for school... plus another 10 hours for work... I cry thinking about it already (and my son's not due for a while) bc I feel like I'm gonna miss out!!! You're lucky! you wont miss them rolling over the 1st time, laughing, 1st words, 1st crawl, 1st steps... stuff that I'm SSSOOOO scared to miss!!!

My mom is a SAHM as well and she is on forums as well, she sews, home schools, etc. as much as I want to be a SAHM so I don't miss a thing, I feel she's such an amazing woman for being able to be there ALL day EVERY day... she really is my hero, just like in the song you put up!! I LOVE that song!! :)

Just cheer up, "everything happens for a reason" and maybe if it's meant to be, it will... maybe try volunteering once a week or something... that's what my grandma used to do! :)


AM-BRAT
by Amber on Aug. 24, 2010 at 10:39 AM

Your're awesome Bmat, thank you. i will feel better. I just struggle with change and feelings. I never want to WANT to leave them. Even yesterday, I scheduled them for a full day of school so I could orientate but since I didn't go I took them anyway and completely lost direction lol. I wandered Target and didn't know what to do without them hanging off me like monkeys lol. I guess I really am just a mom for now. I have no other hobbies or support to do them if I did...

Quoting Bmat:

((hugs again))   You seem so blue. :(


It sounds as though you don't need to worry about getting a job if you want one. I hope that MOPS works out for you. :)

Quoting AM-BRAT:

Thanks Bmat. Those were all the reasons I was thinking. If I did a year of weekends, by the time I needed a mon-fri, I could slide right in. The hospital is great about hiring within.

But I've worked there a few times before, they know who I am. I will get in somewhere when the time is right. And the truth is my DH works weekends alot too. And his job trumps mine, it's how we live. The day they would have been in preschool, mon, I would have paid more than I made that day.

There were alot of factors both ways here, but the time is just wrong. It just is. I'm hoping to join MOPS now that I'm not babysitting anymore, that was another big reason for me being tied down. Hopefully that will help me with the adult interaction part.

Quoting Bmat:

((hugs))

I am sorry that you are having this conflict and worry.  Since you are, I'd say get the job if you can. If you hate it, then after a fair interval, you can quit. Having a job isn't only about the money, it is also about being with other adults, getting your foot in the job market so that if you ever have to have a job, or want one when the children are grown, then you are already ahead of the game, also building up SS and making contacts. 

Let's say the job chance falls apart this time, then I'd recommend a day care once a week, or a sitter once a week, so you can get out and come back refreshed.

 



chcon
by on Aug. 24, 2010 at 10:39 AM

When I had my first two children, I was still working... and I remember professing to my friends that I didn't think I was cut out to be a SAHM.  Well low and behold we had number three, and it didn't make sense for me to work just to pay a sitter for the three kids, so I became a SAHM.  It was hard at first but I got used to it.  I was a teacher and my third was born just before summer, so it was normal to have the summer off.  But it was weird to not go back to teaching in the fall.  And now, I have number four (she's one month old)... and I'm glad I'm home with them.  I still think I'm not the best SAHM I could be, but I'm figuring it out as I go along.  Every once in a while I look at the job postings longingly, but I know that if I really want to, I can go back once the kids are in school, even if it is just part time to get me some adult interaction and make some impact other than my kids - not that that is not important because it is of the utmost importance.

So I feel for you, and I wish you the best of luck no matter what you do.  :)

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