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A sensitive "cancer" issue and idk what to do *edited

Posted by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 5:34 AM
  • 28 Replies

I am not writing this to offend anyone, I promise. But I would like honest opinions, because I love my friend.

My BFF is a bit dramatic, we've had stretches where we won't talk over a disagreement. I guess she's a bit more than dramatic because she freaks out over NOTHING all the time, medically I mean.

So, a few years back she was diagnosed with PCOS. She's convinced herself she'll never have kids and woe is she. Whatever, we all know it's hard but very possible! She's just like that, Debbie Downer, Ms Worst Case Scenario.

Well about that same time she was diagnosed with PRE-cancerous cells in her uterine lining. I can't remember how she was treated because I was on bedrest a hundred miles away in preterm labor so I couldn't be there for her. But she has an IUD, has had it for years. I know an IUD is out of the question if you've ever had any kind of reproductive system cancer.

The problem is, she constantly posts on Facebook and talks about how she survived cancer, how she's been "cancer free" this amount of time. She made a group for herself to walk in Relay For Life and gets pissed that no one joins her. None of us consider her a cancer survivor because she DIDN'T HAVE CANCER! But she'll tell anyone who listens that she did.

Are we wrong? Are we being insensitive? I've never talked to her about it because she's sensitive and dramatic, and I don't know how to bring it up, but she's losing friends right and left over it. The ones who do bring it up get into huge dramatic public fights with her and then are "dead to her".

Would you consider having pre-cancerous cells the same thing as having cancer? Or was she just very lucky that she didn't get cancer?

*Edited to add that however she was treated after that diagnosis, they got all the cells out and she's never had another problem, and it's been years like 5 years. She also talks about taking "cancer meds" but I think she's lying because she can't or won't tell me the names of them...

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by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 5:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
pegleg63
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 6:00 AM

She sounds like a drama queen and just wants attention!  My brother passed away on Mother's Day of this year.  He was only 45, he died of lung cancer, he fought it for two years.  I have no sympathy for you friend with pre-cancerous cells who claims to be a cancer survivor.  Maybe she should go visit someone who really does have cancer and then she will thank God that they were only pre-cancerous and they were removed.  She needs to get a life and get real and stop all that BSing!

daiseymae2
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 6:07 AM
I agree. My mom died of cancer when I was 10. OP- Your friend has NO clue what she is talking about. Pre- cancerous cells are not cancer. She is not a cancer survivor and needs a reality check.

Quoting pegleg63:

She sounds like a drama queen and just wants attention!  My brother passed away on Mother's Day of this year.  He was only 45, he died of lung cancer, he fought it for two years.  I have no sympathy for you friend with pre-cancerous cells who claims to be a cancer survivor.  Maybe she should go visit someone who really does have cancer and then she will thank God that they were only pre-cancerous and they were removed.  She needs to get a life and get real and stop all that BSing!

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SexyTeacher
by Gold Member on Aug. 31, 2010 at 7:15 AM

I agree! I have had pre-cancer cells in several pap smears. I have had medication a minor surgery and I am fine now. I NEVER had cancer! My father died in June 2009 from cancer and this is a hot topic for me. This is never something to pretend you have.

Pherlyce
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 7:26 AM

 I think she needs to see a different doctor, she have an emotional problem and I think there is more than a survivor cancer thingy she portraits. As you mention that she blog it on her FB, she wants the attention and is very hard to tell her too that she needs to see a physchiatrist , I think her family is the best one to talk to her about this matter.

BaileynMe
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 7:38 AM

I think the scare is the same as if someone told you there was a tumor somewhere in your body, but precancerous does not equal cancer. It's not treated the same way. She WILL be monitored nearly the same as a surviving cancer patient, though, to make sure she doesn't develop cancer or those precancerous cells don't come back; I have two friends who've had precancerous cells come up in their PAPs, and they have to go back for checkups more frequently than most in order to make sure they don't come back or develop into more. BOTH women have children. 

I think your friend was legitimately scared, and legitimately feels she tempted fate and won, but unless she actually got a cancer diagnosis then I think she's wrong for doing what she's doing as far as claiming to be a cancer survivor. Different treatments, different risk factors, etc. As far as the meds... that's a pretty private issue. Maybe she just doesn't want to share about those. 

I don't think it's a bad thing for her to be involved in Relay for Life. Many people who don't have cancer get involved, a lot of times because they know someone who has had cancer or maybe they've had a scare themselves and feel grateful for the life they're leading. 

I'd just avoid talking about the issue. If it's not directly affecting you then I wouldn't worry about it. 

jjzj82
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 7:45 AM
i agree with the others she is not a cancer survivor. Cancer is very serious and not something she should be saying she survived when she never had it. My grandpa died of cancer, my dhs grandma died of cancer, my aunt only has one breast due to cancer, and my dad only has one lung due to cancer. She needs a reality check. If she had ever seen anyone go through cancer she would not be saying this.
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HeartsLove
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 11:41 AM

Her family is straigh up certifiable, I think that's why she's such an attention whore. They're probably the ones who convinced her she had cancer, so they could get people to feel bad for THEM

Quoting Pherlyce:

 I think she needs to see a different doctor, she have an emotional problem and I think there is more than a survivor cancer thingy she portraits. As you mention that she blog it on her FB, she wants the attention and is very hard to tell her too that she needs to see a physchiatrist , I think her family is the best one to talk to her about this matter.


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HeartsLove
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 11:41 AM

Oh but she registers for Relay as a survivor. I wonder how everyone else who walks as a survivor would feel if they knew the truth...

Quoting BaileynMe:

I think the scare is the same as if someone told you there was a tumor somewhere in your body, but precancerous does not equal cancer. It's not treated the same way. She WILL be monitored nearly the same as a surviving cancer patient, though, to make sure she doesn't develop cancer or those precancerous cells don't come back; I have two friends who've had precancerous cells come up in their PAPs, and they have to go back for checkups more frequently than most in order to make sure they don't come back or develop into more. BOTH women have children. 

I think your friend was legitimately scared, and legitimately feels she tempted fate and won, but unless she actually got a cancer diagnosis then I think she's wrong for doing what she's doing as far as claiming to be a cancer survivor. Different treatments, different risk factors, etc. As far as the meds... that's a pretty private issue. Maybe she just doesn't want to share about those. 

I don't think it's a bad thing for her to be involved in Relay for Life. Many people who don't have cancer get involved, a lot of times because they know someone who has had cancer or maybe they've had a scare themselves and feel grateful for the life they're leading. 

I'd just avoid talking about the issue. If it's not directly affecting you then I wouldn't worry about it. 


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HeartsLove
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 11:43 AM

I have a ton of cancer in my family, and my Granny has had a mastectomy. She doesn't even harp on it, she says it's her past and she doesn't have it anymore so she doesn't care. But this friend just WON'T LET IT GO. I wanna bring it up to her because it pisses ME off, but idk if I should, or just ignore her knowing how dramatic she is. And knowing this could probably end our 20 year friendship

Quoting jjzj82:

i agree with the others she is not a cancer survivor. Cancer is very serious and not something she should be saying she survived when she never had it. My grandpa died of cancer, my dhs grandma died of cancer, my aunt only has one breast due to cancer, and my dad only has one lung due to cancer. She needs a reality check. If she had ever seen anyone go through cancer she would not be saying this.


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Jaidamom03
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 11:45 AM
I had thyroid cancer and a large lump removed and I don't really consider myself a cancer survivor. I only had 1 radiation treatment. The survivors, IMO, are the one who go through countless treatments and meds and are truly sick are the survivors.
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