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Need advice about divorce.

Posted by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 10:04 PM
  • 10 Replies

My husband and I are getting a divorce. It is decided. He wants one and won't change his mind. I don't know how else to deal with this but to do what I always do and deal with it the best I can, starting with making plans. We want everything to be equal, custody, bills, etc. and of course he will give me child support. We are both moving in with our parents.

My question:

How do we do all of this? Is there any way to make this an easy process (as easy as it could be)? What do I do first besides call an attorney?


by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 10:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
randijj
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 10:07 PM
Sorry to hear the bad news! Divorce is NEVER easy... But The first thing you do is call an attorney... That's the first step. If you both agree on EVERYTHING, you can use the same attorney to write up the papers. My ex husband and I used the same attorney and saved money. But you have to make sure you can agree on everything. Which also makes it ALOT easier. The attorney will handle everything for you guys and make it much easier.
xxlilmomma09
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 10:54 PM

Agreed. Make sure you all have the bills listed that each of your are agreeing to take, the custody agreement that you both agree to, and the amount of child support that you both agree to written down for the attorney to revise. Good luck.

Quoting randijj:

Sorry to hear the bad news! Divorce is NEVER easy... But The first thing you do is call an attorney... That's the first step. If you both agree on EVERYTHING, you can use the same attorney to write up the papers. My ex husband and I used the same attorney and saved money. But you have to make sure you can agree on everything. Which also makes it ALOT easier. The attorney will handle everything for you guys and make it much easier.


armyexpecting girlbaby girltoddler boy

                    


emilyw8508
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 11:05 PM

Well personally, if he wants a divorce and you dont, I would tell you to suggest couples counseling, if he still wants a divorce and no counseling, i would put the ball in his court and let him find an attorney and take the first step. He needs to get used to handling his own business anyways if hes going to be single again.  He wants to divorce you, but he expects you to find the lawyer, make the appt. and set it all up for him?? yeah i dont think so.  hopefully you guys can agree on everything, that will definitely make it easier, otherwise its going to get messy and expensive. 

Armymom134
by Bronze Member on Sep. 28, 2010 at 11:44 PM

 First and foremost decide on the custody arrangment now with him, sit down together and write out how you want it. Divorces are alwasy more expensive if custody can't be decided upon. Then settle which bills you and he will take, or what you will need to split, and make sure if you split a bill half and half with him that it is down in your settlement agreement so if he doesn't pay his half of the bill you have proof that he is responsible for half of it...i would try and avoid this if at all possible, it can get real messy and in the end you can end up paying the entire thing. Decide who is getting what of the household goods, write it all down. If I were you I would hire the lawyer yourself, because with the way lawyers work, whoever pays the retainer is who the lawyer represents. My exhusband wanted me to use his lawyer but there was no way in hell I was going to do that, he wasn't there to make sure I didn't get screwed, so I would hire my own attourney. If you have any questions you can PM me, I have been through a divorce so I know how it feels.

FlyingMommy747
by Silver Member on Sep. 28, 2010 at 11:58 PM
If you are both in agreement, then I would highly recommend a Collabrative Divorce. You both have your own attorney, but no papers are filed until everything is in agreement. You do not have court hearings, but rather meetings to iron out all the details.If you both use the same attorney, you do not have anyone looking out for you.

The process ends up being much cheaper then a regular divorce, and the parties come away with an agreement that they both agree with.

If you want more information just email me. My DH does collaborative divorces in his practice.

Good Luck!
CafeMom Tickers
mommawombat
by on Sep. 29, 2010 at 12:14 AM

You can print the papers off your local court's websites and do it yourself, if you are in agreement.

For right now just separate before you decide the divorce is the way to go.

darkeyedmom
by on Sep. 29, 2010 at 12:58 PM

 Sorry to hear about your situation. I'm remarried and when I divorced my 1st husband I didn't need an attorney. You two should put all of your agreements on paper or type them up and hand write sign them. It should be a smooth process. Good luck hon!

darkeyed mom

earthangel1967
by on Sep. 29, 2010 at 1:00 PM

I agree with everyone else.

I am sorry you are going thru this and good luck.

Yvonne




MinnickBabyMama
by on Sep. 29, 2010 at 1:09 PM

in my state (PA) you can write everything up yourselves about how much child support custody, what gets split shared and all that.  Then after you write it all up go to any Notary and get it notarized, it them becomes as legal as if you had an attorney or went to court, so if you or him fall back on that you have proof that he agreed to it and he and you cannot deny it because u have to sign it in front of a notary or they will not notarize it at all, so it works out, plus then its only cost about $10 to get 2 notarized copies of your agreement

IAMmomtotrips
by Member on Sep. 29, 2010 at 1:21 PM

Get the book Still a Family, Good Parenting through divorce...I am waiting on mine to be finalized.  We are not fighting and don't hate each other, which is of so nice!

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