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Would you (or do you) ever consider living separately from DH?

Posted by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 7:52 PM
  • 12 Replies

To make a long story short, I am not happy here at home. DH is wonderful. He is by no means perfect, but he does what he can. More than I can ask for.

The problem is, his 2 kids. DH has full custody of SS & SD. They have lived with us full-time since 2006 (they are now 12 & 10). They only see their mother on Saturdays for a few hours (when she picks them up)

They show me no respect, do not listen, and when I ask them to do something, they turn around and walk away and never come back to do it. Of course, whenever they want something done, they run to me and ask me for help. The last few days, I don't help them. DH has stepped up and done whatever they asked, all the while reminding them how bad they treat me.

Things are not better. They continue to disrespect me, and I'm sick of it. I love DH, and do not want to leave him, but I cannot live with these kids anymore. I'm so ready to take DD & go to live at my parents for awhile. But would that be fair to DD or even DH? (Living with their mother is not an option, and this has been ongoing for a LONG time)

Has anyone living away from the SO? Any advice?

by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 7:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
PhotoMama88
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 7:53 PM

BUMP!

saraface5383
by Sara on Feb. 9, 2011 at 7:54 PM
Have you ever talked to dh? He needs to step in and handle the situation, them making you want to leave is wrong
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SanDiegoMaxMom
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 7:58 PM

Family counseling......

jmenini
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 8:09 PM

We have done both. I originally went to counseling thinking I just needed to work through some feelings since I just had DD. It turned into family counseling, and we have tried 3 different therapists and are not making any headway.

I have talked to DH about my feelings. (Not specifically about leaving, since this is a new thought) He has tried and tried and things never changed. We have taken things away, grounded them, you name it all to no avail

 Quoting SanDiegoMaxMom:

Family counseling......


Quoting saraface5383:

Have you ever talked to dh? He needs to step in and handle the situation, them making you want to leave is wrong

25beengoodtome
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 8:12 PM

 Don't let those children shove you out the door! Continue with your refusal to jump to their commands or demands. Sounds as if your DH has begun to understand the situation, by doing the tasks his children are requesting - while he reminds them they are not treating you right. Keep on track! you are on an upward swing here!

 ExploreCAFEMOM; the world is at your fingertips !

TonyaLea
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 8:13 PM

I think you could go through those same issues with your own kids at 10 and 12.  Rebellion starts at that age.  When you married your husband you took his kids on as family too, and you should love them unconditionally.  If you don't, maybe it is time to get out.

If you left it would have to be permanent, because in leaving you are sending a message to those kids that you do not like them and do not want to live with them, and you will likely never regain any respect.  I think family counseling like a PP said would be a better option.

That sounds a lot harsher that I really mean it to come across....

Oh, and to answer your original question, yes I have lived apart from my DH, it is not fun.  He is in the military.

daydreaminmom
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 8:16 PM

My SO will be going to the academy for 4-5wks to get back to work in the prison system. I'm not looking forward to it at all but it's required for him to get this MUCH better job to help us all.

madcrazymom
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 8:23 PM
How about only do things for yourself. Make dinner for you. Do laundry for you. Make dh & his children do it and see how fun it is.
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kiddo0820
by Bronze Member on Feb. 9, 2011 at 8:30 PM

I already feel like DH and I live separately because he works all the time, he's even said stuff like "I have to go back home" Talking about going back to work from is lunch break. I got mad tonight and blew up at him about him being married to his job and I'm just here for when he wants sex. I love him with all my heart and I don't want to leave him, but it's time for a wake up call so I'm going to start telling him how I feel.

taraniccole
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 8:38 PM
I think its time for a sit down heart to heart with dh! Tell him exactly how you feel without saying you make me feel! Tell him you are thinking of leaving if things do not change! Shake the sugar tree so to speak!


Quoting kiddo0820:

I already feel like DH and I live separately because he works all the time, he's even said stuff like "I have to go back home" Talking about going back to work from is lunch break. I got mad tonight and blew up at him about him being married to his job and I'm just here for when he wants sex. I love him with all my heart and I don't want to leave him, but it's time for a wake up call so I'm going to start telling him how I feel.


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