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PIOG.....My mom invited herself over at the end of the month......last time it riped our house apart.

Posted by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 2:41 PM
  • 11 Replies

Here is the shortest backgound I can give:

SO & I were engaged and I was pregnant with DD we also had SD13(full time) and SS8(EOW).

We had our issues but we never got to work on them because all the energy was spent on SD being crazy. things built up and I had a rough pregnancy once during the pregnancy I moved out for about a week and stayed with my dad. I moved back under the condition that things would change. things got a little better then went back to normal.

my mom came for 2 weeks when I had baby. There was already tension in the house and my mom "poured fuel on the fire" I was stressed because it was my first baby. 

SO & I got into a huge fight and I left with my mom and the baby(13days old) (moved to her house 12 hrs away).

 We lived at my moms house untill december of last year. So & I got back together and we now live together but SD now 15 lives between her friends house and moms house.(long story) SS 10now comes EOW still.

DD will be 2 may 1st, she has adjusted VERY WELL to living with daddy & mommy together. She is having less behavior "issues" and I feel is getting a better start in life by having her mom and dad working together.

 

When I moved with my mom she told me that she would "kill me" if I ever got back with him. So when I left her house I told her The baby & I would be living at my friends house, I gave her my friends address and everything.  I never told her I was moving right in with SO.

She called yesterday and told me that her "bf" is going to fly her in his small plane to come see DD & me.  She didnt give me a chance to say no or it is not a good time.

I want my daughter to see her but I dont want to see her and I am not really ready to tell her that i moved back in with him.

Any suggestions on how to make it work or how to artfully tell her?

My So is feeling very bad about it because he knows she pretty much hates him, his parents dies when he was 14 and he really does want my mom to at least like him. The thing is I know my mom she will never like him, she just wont. the only thing he is going to get from her is her fake nice when she is there and the decency to not talk badly about him to his face or myself.

Sorry this is so long but i really need some support here please.

 muffinI like cupcakes and muffins :)

by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 2:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
starfilled
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 2:43 PM

Call her back, be a big girl and say that you're living with your SO.  It's your life not hers.  Tell her if she's going to cause a scene, she will be asked to leave and will not be welcomed another chance.

QueenB36
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 4:14 PM

surprised I know everyone has their own opinion but that was a little harsh.

AM-BRAT
by Amber on Mar. 2, 2011 at 4:37 PM

OMG. My mom has been visiting, off and on for WEEKS at a time, from may states away. It's been so weird, stressful, crapmed- but each trip, it gets A LITTLE better, since we're getting to know how to deal.

Can she stay in a hotel?

AM-BRAT
by Amber on Mar. 2, 2011 at 4:38 PM

Some of us have had to do that.

After what we went through, I did ask mine to leave. She left for the night, tortured me by text the rest of the night, and we worked it out to stay one more week at that point. Not everyone has good relationships with their mothers.  :(

Quoting QueenB36:

surprised I know everyone has their own opinion but that was a little harsh.


starfilled
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 4:41 PM

I wasn't trying to be rude, though I guess it was interpreted that way.  I'm just not one to invite negativity and yes, if someone comes into my home and causes issues, they willl be asked to leave and not invited back.

Quoting QueenB36:

surprised I know everyone has their own opinion but that was a little harsh.



PhotoMama88
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 4:44 PM

Well this should be a lesson on why lying isn't the answer, in the end the truth always comes out. So, I would call her back & tell her that you are living with you SO. 

saladgirl71
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 4:51 PM

Is she just coming in to see your daughter and you or is she staying at your house?

You are with your SO and you are trying to live as a family.   Your mother is going to want to protect you from being hurt but the truth is that she will need to understand that you have made this decision and you are happy with things the way they are.

I would call her and say that you are really getting excited about her visiting but that she should know that you are back with your SO and things are going really well.  Maybe you could say that you are thankful that she let you stay with her so that you could really search your heart to see what is best for you and your family. 

There are a lot of MIL's who don't like who their daughter or son is with and that is just the way it is.  She may never like your SO, but as long as you are happy with him that is what really matters. 

mamakenzi
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 4:51 PM

I would call her and tell her the truth.  Then apologize for lying, because ultimately you created this by lying.  Then just tell her she is welcome to come for a visit but she needs to be nice and respectful of your relationship or she will be asked to leave.

Azita888
by Member on Mar. 2, 2011 at 4:53 PM

I would definetly call her back and tell her the truth before she comes to visit....

and I don't know what the actual problems you are having with your mom or your SO, but most mothers want the best for their children and don't want to see them suffer, so just think about that.  I don't know the story, but your mom is probably just looking out for your best interest....

kngarber
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 4:55 PM
Agree. Put your foot down and tell her what is what and she can accept it or not.

Quoting starfilled:

Call her back, be a big girl and say that you're living with your SO.  It's your life not hers.  Tell her if she's going to cause a scene, she will be asked to leave and will not be welcomed another chance.

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