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I have completely lost it!!!

Posted by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 7:09 PM
  • 15 Replies

I am a sahm mom. I have a 3 year old son and 2 sd's who are 13 and 10. My son is extremely active and is constantly running around and I can barely handle him and then my 2 sd's are driving me insane. They lie about pretty much everything and I feel crazy when I'm talking to them because it's lie after lie after lie. Their bio mom has not been a part of their lives at all and me and SO have had them 100% of the time for 3 years now. I have had to take on the role of being their mother and I am 25 and I will say that I really do my best but lately it's been tough for me. Today my 13 year old sd gets home from school and my 3 year old son was carrying around a plastic bat and went into his sisters room and she said he hit her with it so she took it from him and put it up. I told her to give it back to him because he was upset and I had no idea if he really hit her with it or not. So what does she do, she throws it on the floor like a damn infant. Why couldn't she just hand it to him? I was nice about it. That's when I lost it and began acting crazy. I yelled at her for throwing the bat on the floor and told her I was tired of it. I just feel bad for my son sometimes because he tries to talk to them or get their attention and most of the time they don't pay any attention to him. I am on the verge of taking my son and leaving. I am just so tired of doing so much and getting so little. Please don't bash me I am just going through a tough time right now. Also the 13 year can't babysit her little brother and she cannot be trusted at all. When I was 13 I used to babysit my nieces and nephews almost every week. I know everyone is different but I just want my son to have a big sister that acts like it rather then her acting like a baby. I don't know if I should see a psychiatrist or what? I am so unhappy!

by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 7:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Habibti812
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 7:11 PM

I'm sorry Momma :-( That is a really tough place for you to be in.. I'm sure it's hard for your SD's too though. They may be feeling a little bit jealous.. And it's hard being a step child (I know from experience) Maybe some couseling would help everyone involved... Like family couseling to help you all grow closer and understand where eachother is coming from, kwim?

lucky2Beeme
by Platinum Member on Mar. 28, 2011 at 7:17 PM

I can understand why she threw it. She told you he hit her and you disregarded what she said. Why not side with her? at the very least tell your son NO we dont hit.  When you married thier dad you married them. Maybe you need to treat them as your bio daughters instead of steps. Imagine what these girls have gone through. Thier mother left them. You come in and then have a baby. Not easy for a 10 and 7 yr old. I would recommend family counseling for all of you. Let me ask you this God for bid something happened to you and you husband was left with your son. Wouldnt you hope that if he met someone down the road , that person would love and treat your son like thier own? My guess is youre saying Of Course !  Now look at your 2 steps  are you doing that for them?

MysonDillon
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 7:20 PM

I know it's hard for them. But for once I just want to stop and think about myself and what I need to do to be happy. I do the best I can for them but it is not my fault or their fault that they have a screwed up bio mom. I think I am just so scared that they expect soooo much from me and I just can't do it all anymore. My SO works and travels a lot and it is getting tougher and tougher on me. I feel like these 2 kids were thrown at me and now I have to do everything for them. It's too hard for me. I knew that my SO had kids from a previous marriage and I accepted that but I had no idea what kind of mom or lack of a mom she was until later in our relationship.

MysonDillon
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 7:24 PM


Quoting lucky2Beeme:

I can understand why she threw it. She told you he hit her and you disregarded what she said. Why not side with her? at the very least tell your son NO we dont hit.  When you married thier dad you married them. Maybe you need to treat them as your bio daughters instead of steps. Imagine what these girls have gone through. Thier mother left them. You come in and then have a baby. Not easy for a 10 and 7 yr old. I would recommend family counseling for all of you. Let me ask you this God for bid something happened to you and you husband was left with your son. Wouldnt you hope that if he met someone down the road , that person would love and treat your son like thier own? My guess is youre saying Of Course !  Now look at your 2 steps  are you doing that for them?

Okay maybe my son did hit her with it but how am I supposed to know when I catch her lying all the time. I ask her a simple question and she will lie about it. So no I will not side with her when really I have no idea. When someone repeatedly lies to you how do you know if they are telling the truth. I just told her to give him the bat back so he can go play in his room while she did her homework. I guess right now this is just about me and my unhappiness. I cannot be a good mother if I don't take care of myself first.

MysonDillon
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 7:26 PM

Oh and their dad and I are not married. We have been together for 7 years and he has yet to propose. So obviously he doesn't want to marry me. Which is another issue I am having.

GOBryan
by Gold Member on Mar. 28, 2011 at 7:30 PM

Ok.. You expect a 13 y/o and a 10 y/o to actually get along with their 3 y/o brother? lol.. Doesn't normally happen. Also, I would be surprised if he didn't hit her with the bat and antagonise them. I think you're picking on the wrong child.  I have a 17 y/o daughter and 6 y/o son. He is a pain in the ass with her. He does things just to piss her off. It's typical of siblings so far apart in age. Think about how the girls feel.

GOBryan
by Gold Member on Mar. 28, 2011 at 7:37 PM

 

Quoting MysonDillon:

 

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

I can understand why she threw it. She told you he hit her and you disregarded what she said. Why not side with her? at the very least tell your son NO we dont hit.  When you married thier dad you married them. Maybe you need to treat them as your bio daughters instead of steps. Imagine what these girls have gone through. Thier mother left them. You come in and then have a baby. Not easy for a 10 and 7 yr old. I would recommend family counseling for all of you. Let me ask you this God for bid something happened to you and you husband was left with your son. Wouldnt you hope that if he met someone down the road , that person would love and treat your son like thier own? My guess is youre saying Of Course !  Now look at your 2 steps  are you doing that for them?

Okay maybe my son did hit her with it but how am I supposed to know when I catch her lying all the time. I ask her a simple question and she will lie about it. So no I will not side with her when really I have no idea. When someone repeatedly lies to you how do you know if they are telling the truth. I just told her to give him the bat back so he can go play in his room while she did her homework. I guess right now this is just about me and my unhappiness. I cannot be a good mother if I don't take care of myself first.

She may not be lying as much as you think she is. Sounds like she has to defend herself against you and your son quite a bit. It's too late to think of yourself when you have 3 kids to care for.

If you're unhappy, you're going to need to find a way of dealing with it without affecting them. You may need to go through family counseling and learn how to mature at a little rapid pace. You ARE a mom of 3 whether you like it or not.  AND believe me, if the mom where in the picture is would be soooo much worse 99% of the time. I wish my husband's ex would drop dead. I'd gladly deal with my stepson rather than the crap she does.

kermsgirlie
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 7:40 PM

Put yourself in their shoes.Every kid deserves a mom and dad.They are dealing with this weight daily.They are not old enough to see it like oh wow she is a saint.you will never be a saint to them.I raised Heather and i made so many mistakes but she was very difficult bc she went every wekend to her grandparents who spoiled her .They went overboard.So i understand where you are coming from.I believe her if she said he hit her bc it would be normal for his age to do that.Pay more attention to them,involve them,include them.It will take time.They are angry.They cant exactly call bio mom and say where the fuck are you.Have them watch him together while you are there and have them play with some crafts and show him stuff.Put their work from school on the refrig too.Trust meeeee.My story doesnt have a happy ending.she is 28 and aside from her wedding i went to last summer and had to deal with bio momactually we did fine.I respected Heather.But she doesnt visit or call.she is very bitter.Her mom did jail time too.She was a horrible teen and I tried so hard.This is your chance,win them over now or you will suffer greatly.He is their brother make a family.TRY and TRY harder my friend.

NookBoookMom
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 7:42 PM

where is the dad ? he needs to step up and enforce some rules right along with you, or I agree pack your bags b.c this is insane.

kermsgirlie
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 7:45 PM

It isnt about you anymore.you have 3 kids UNDER the legal age,work!!Try!!!Do it!!!You can do this.Laugh with them,love them.Maybe they can help you cook.there must be something they can be responsible for to give them confidence.You can do this!!!

Quoting MysonDillon:

I know it's hard for them. But for once I just want to stop and think about myself and what I need to do to be happy. I do the best I can for them but it is not my fault or their fault that they have a screwed up bio mom. I think I am just so scared that they expect soooo much from me and I just can't do it all anymore. My SO works and travels a lot and it is getting tougher and tougher on me. I feel like these 2 kids were thrown at me and now I have to do everything for them. It's too hard for me. I knew that my SO had kids from a previous marriage and I accepted that but I had no idea what kind of mom or lack of a mom she was until later in our relationship.


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