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3 yo, control issues. Please help!!

Posted by on May. 21, 2011 at 4:51 PM
  • 7 Replies

My son is 3, and his father and I are going through a difficult separation. My son has become very aggressive, even biting me hard enough to leave a bruise because I told him to sit in timeout. He also has some very major control issues. The other day I was wearing a necklace that reminded him of one his uncle wears. He told me that "that's uncles necklace, I want it off you." When I explained to him that his uncle has one LIKE mine, but they're not the same, he still insisted that I take it off, and tried to rip it from my neck. Today he told me that he didn't like my shirt and I needed to take it off. When I told him I wouldn't, he threw a fit.

I don't really know how to handle these things, because I've never had to deal with them before. I know some of the aggression is coming from our separation, but what do I do about the biting? I refuse to bite him back, that just teaches him that biting is acceptable. I'm expecting to deal with alot more of these types of things and I'm rapidly losing my patience. I'm 3-4 months pregnant, and I'm worried about what's going to happen if I don't get this under control before the baby is born. Please help!

by on May. 21, 2011 at 4:51 PM
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Replies (1-7):
aprilmommy2007
by on May. 21, 2011 at 4:56 PM
Its his way of dealing. He is acting this way since it is something he can control just be consistent with time outs or what not.
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mommyakabooby
by on May. 21, 2011 at 5:00 PM
Stay consistent with the time outs, and LOTS of hugs and kisses. Also, help him put words to his feelings; "i understand you are angry, but you are not allowed to behave that way". Anger, frustration, sadness, fear...hes feeling all that, his world just fell apart! Poor guy has no clue what to do with all those feelings. Be there for him, love him, try to keep your anger in check. And most of all remain calm and matter of fact when he acts out.
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countrygirlkat
by Kathleen on May. 21, 2011 at 5:05 PM

 He needs to feel like he has control over something since his whole world is falling apart and he feels helpless.  You need to do your best to give him control over every decision you possibly can.  When you feed him ask do you want the blue bowl or the orange one?  Ask which cup he wants, which plate, etc.  Have him help in deciding what he eats.  Choose two foods you are okay with and ask which he wants such as do you want apples or oranges with your snack.  Let him pick which shirt he wants, which pants, etc.  Even for timing let him feel he has a choice.  If you know it is almost bedtime for example ask him if he wants to get ready for bed now or in five minutes.  Any decision that really doesn't matter let him make by giving him two choices that are both fine with you. 

MamaCass21
by on May. 21, 2011 at 6:39 PM

I do give him control over every decision I can, he chooses his own clothes for the most part, and I let him choose the order in which we do things when it comes to bedtime. He chooses his own lunch, he'll pick out the vegetable for dinner, picks his own bowl, placemat and silverware. I just don't know how to deal with the biting and him telling me to take things off b/c he doesn't like them. When he told me to take off my shirt, I responded with "I'm sorry you don't like it, but this is my shirt, not yours. You picked out your shirt, and I picked out mine." Just running out of ideas, and when it comes to discipline I don't really know what to do b/c I've never had to deal with this before.

MamaCass21
by on May. 22, 2011 at 9:43 AM

BUMP!

MamaCass21
by on May. 23, 2011 at 9:21 PM

BUMP!

MamaCass21
by on May. 30, 2011 at 12:09 AM

BUMP!

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