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i need help

Posted by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:00 AM
  • 15 Replies

being a lone parent to a 6 year old can be tough and i really need some advice from people who understand. My son is often very rude and disrespectful. I try and do nice things with him, take him to parks, fairs, farms  save up so we can do nice things etc.. Every morning we have cuddles in bed and i really do adore him. My proble is , when he gets difficult i find it hard to deal with ... i seam to be doing ok until all of a sudden he has pshed to far and i fnd myself snapping. I end up lashing out and smacking him and i hate the fact that i can control my anger with him. This is really getting me down and i am so scared that i am going to loose my little boy forever  but i just dont know what to do. I just seam to snap at times. I have tried the whole naughty step and time out and i just cant seam to stick at it. Its got to me so mch that i am considering reporting myself to social services for being a bad parent. I know that its not something that happns all the time but i am so scared of myself and have even started to consider ending my life... i'm too scared to branch ot for help.... i love him so much i just dont want to loose him.

by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
cocoa101
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 8:09 AM

First i think u need to get ur self a consular second im a mom of 3 + im exspecting a nother 1 i know this can get hard because i have twins girls that are 5 but girl u got to lay down the law if they are not listening and being rude or destoying things then take them in there rooom for a time out then close the door and walk away but girl do not consider the life of ur little one or even urself u have to be stroung for him and stand by him nomather how bad he can be. Good luck girl :)

tenten611
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 8:41 AM

I know exactly where u r coming from. although i am married my husband works alot sometimes i feel I'm single. The thing i do when i come to a point it feels uncontrollable is to put children in room and myself in my room or outside and take a few moments to breath. Counseling would be great or find someone you can trust just to talk. Its hard im in the process myself but remove both u and child from situation and take a few moments to take very deep breaths and gain control of your thoughts, then go back to talk to your child and explain what happened they r confused themselves. Dont be afraid to say your sorry and ask for forgiveness it will make u feel better and teaches them to ask forgiveness as well. Hope this helps and i am praying for you and your child. ps if no one to talk to i find praying helps alot.

kmfuk
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 8:56 AM

thanks ... i just feel so alone... i love my boy to bits but dont know who to turn to for help... sometimes i just feel he would be better off without me i just feel so lost right now

tenten611
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 9:43 AM

first understand that in no way is your boy better off without you. You are the mom God chose to be for YOUR BOY! I understand your lost I thought the same the same, but no matter what you are mom. I hope there is a friend or family member you can talk to. I am 30 yrs old and am still learning this whole parenting thing it is tough and God has finally blessed me with some one I can talk to knowing she won't judge. Just take one day at a time. Pray,breath,Pray,breath this is the only way i survive some days. Im praying for you.look me up if you would like not on here much but im willing to "talk"

 

AM-BRAT
by Amber on Jun. 4, 2011 at 9:52 AM

I think there's def help out there for you and you need to find it. I completely understand your frustration, and I have help, a DH. I can't imagine beign alone dealing with kids. I hope you find some RL help mama. GL.

Bmat
by Barb on Jun. 4, 2011 at 9:52 AM

Your son is about that age where he steps away from being a little boy - sometimes.  (He may still run to mommy from time to time.) You should be his mom and not his buddy-  which means you have to set the boundaries and help him to understand them. Part of it, as you have already realized on your own, is to be the one who keeps control. I know it is incredibly hard, but work on it, and as tenten says above, breathe and pray, these do help. If you feel yourself losing control say to yourself I am the mom I am the mom. Your son will continue to test boundaries and rules, it's part of growing up.

Kiwismommy19
by Diamond Member on Jun. 4, 2011 at 9:59 AM
Good luck!

Quoting AM-BRAT:

I think there's def help out there for you and you need to find it. I completely understand your frustration, and I have help, a DH. I can't imagine beign alone dealing with kids. I hope you find some RL help mama. GL.

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kmfuk
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 12:19 PM

hey guys

thanks for all your kind words, advice and support...  we have just been out to the park to kick a football around and it has given me some reflection time. I look at myself and think about all the good i do  and i know there is alot. I just need to work out how to deal with this bit, it was always easier when he was younger... there isnt really anyone i can talk to and that is part the problem ,which is why i have come to posting this thread, i just dont want things to get out of hand, both with my sons behavior or my depression and inabillity to maintain control. Sometimes i just think maybe i wasnt cut out for this , other times theres nowhere id rather be, he is so special and seams to have adopted the role of the man of the house , he likes to help and have control over situations.... sometimes this is good , other times , like now it doesnt help. i just hope i can develop the calmness and ability to rationalise instead of letting that twig of anger snap.... it really hurts when it does  and is psychologically draining

okhsmom
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 12:37 PM

You need to take care of yourself, your anger, burnout,feeling isolated issues first.  Then you'll be better equipped to meet your needs and your son's at the same time.  As they say in plane emergencies, put oxygen on yourself then your child.  Do you have a community guidance center?  Talk to your pedi about parenting classes.  Do you have a Parents Without Partners support group in your area?  What about a single moms ministry?  Call churches, call United Way agencies.  Find some help.  Good luck!

Mamamanic
by Gold Member on Jun. 4, 2011 at 5:06 PM

I get my buttons pushed all the time. I have a dd that age and it takes on a new kind of battle than in the toddler years for sure. Helps if I walk off or she goes to time out so I can cool off and then talk to her. Mostly making her responsible/accountable for her actions has worked best at this age. She acts out some[;ace, we leave. She gets something out to eat when I said no ( usually gum/candy), it goes in the garbage or in my drawer. It is tough

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