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It has gotten OUT OF CONTROL =(

Posted by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 3:42 PM
  • 6 Replies

Hey Ladies,

I am new to the group, actually just started a new profile on here but iv'e been on here for a couple of years now and the ladies on Cafe mom have helped me through some major trials.  I am hoping that today I can once again find support and advice on the current situation.

About a month ago, my husband of 5 years, left.  He abondoned both my child and I.  He left me with a $625 apartment, electric bill, cell phone payment, internet payment, no vehicle, and no income.  Mind you every single bill he left me with was past due.  I have no work experience because I have always been a military wife and a stay at home mother.  We have two children together but only one lived with us for the past couple of years and that is our youngest Dakota, who is now 18 months old.

After going to hell and back I have finally started to get things turned around for my son and I, even though I have still not had any luck for work.  Well Jon (soon to be ex) started dating this new woman two days after he left.  She is 49 years old and he is 25.  She has 100% of control over his life now and won't even allow him to see his son or call so he has only seen Dakota twice in the past month and a half and he sneaks out of the house to call every few days. 

The issue that I am having is that Dakota does not understand any of this and he isn't old enough to understand my explanations.  Jon continues to be here for Dakota when it is convenient for himself and it's making life hard for both Dakota and I.  Over the past couple of weeks Dakota's temper has become out of control.  Just 4 days ago he broke my nose during one of his tantrums after a phone call from his father which literally last only 1 minute and 38 seconds.  He will throw himself on the floor and bash his head into the floor, he will scream and throw tantrums for hours at a time and nothing I have done has even helped a tiny bit.  Things just keep getting worse and worse.  Last night his father called and talked to him for again only a couple minutes around 8pm.  When they got off the phone Dakota went into one of his tantrums as usually.  He would run through the house screaming for his daddy and then come back to me crying.  This went on until about 1am when I was finally able to distract him with some Barney episodes.  He went to sleep around 2am finally and I was so thankful that it was finally over and I could rest as well.  However. he then woke up only an hour later and proceeded with his tantrum, again running through the house screaming for his daddy and coming back to me crying.  He finally ended up passing out around 5am. 

I am trying to stay patient with him, because I understand why he is so upset.  I was even able to keep myself calm the night he broke my nose.  My fear is that my patience is going to run out though.  I mean it always does, and with getting very little sleep through the week because of his night tantrums, I am afraid that I am going to end up getting frustrated and angry with him and I know I can't because right now he needs love and patience like he has gotten thus far.  Yesterday I went to the grocery store to get food and the entire hour that we were at the store he through a fit in the cart.  I'd pick him up nd try and comfort him but it did no good, it just made him more angry because he didn't want me, he wanted his daddy.  While we were in the check out line I had to end up buckling him into the cart so he didn't stand up and get hurt while he was throwing his tantrum and at one point he started arching backwards and nearly flipped over the seat into the back of the cart.  At that point this older lady (an employee) came up and put her hand on my shoulder and told me that it was going to be okay just unload the rest of my items and she would try and calm him down.  The entire time she was holding him and playing with him he just continued with his tantrum while in her arms.  At this point Im pretty sure we had the attention of every person in the store which made the entire ordeal even harder.  So I checked out and went to the car.  On my way home Dakota ended up falling asleep in the car and I pulled over in a parking lot and called my mom.  When she answered I just started crying.  Which is the first time iv'e actually broken down through all of this.  She didn't have much advice for me other than to continue what I have been doing as she herself has seen how bad things have gotten. 

Iv'e tried talking to his father about all of this, but he just doesn't get it, he isn't here so he can't comprehend what he is putting our baby through.  Honesty, with this new woman in the picture I don't think he even cares because he has her.  I'm running out of ideas.. no i'm officially out of ideas.  Please mommies, HELP ME!

by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 3:42 PM
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Replies (1-6):
katiebug840204
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 3:52 PM
I don't think ur DH needs to call him and stuff u till he can consistently spend time with him and talk to him. Ur DH sounds like a loser...for up and leaving like that and his being with another woman who is controlling him when it comes to his child. If he is still military you should contact his superiors and let them know the situation. As far as ur sons behavior some of that is normal 18 month old behavior. In situations like at the store I feel I should have immediatly left instead of continuing to drag him through the store. Start time outs and be consistent with ur punishments. GL
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destiny2nv
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 4:26 PM
Oh wow, I cried when I read this, I am truely so sorry for what you and your little one are going through. I would help you if we lived close by idk how but I would. I think you desperatly need a night out and away. Go drop your son off at a sitters and relax have some fun just do something, and regroup. Before you do loose it, and I would understand if you did. I dont have any other advice. Good luck sweet heart.
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chrissy8907
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 4:31 PM
Im in tears because im going threw the same thing even though my ex wasnt my dd bio dad.she thought he was. Shes been out of control and shes three so she can tell me she wants to see him and I have to keep making excuses and it doesnt help he lives on the next street :( he doesnt want me contacting him since he has moved on as well. I try my best to keep her busy but it seems like its worse during a fit and its so hard for me to stay strong too because I miss him too :( im sorry I dont have advice but add me and pm mr im always here to talk
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Mommy2justone
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 4:41 PM
Wow, i would not be letting DS talk to XH for a while.
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sexcimomof2
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 4:45 PM

DONT ANSWER YOUR PHONE WHEN HE CALLS

CasiNichole
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 5:04 PM


Quoting sexcimomof2:

DONT ANSWER YOUR PHONE WHEN HE CALLS

I don't know that I can do this.. legally.  We are still waiting to go to court for the divorce and the custody.  He doesn't want me to take the dovorce to court, but I don't know what other choice I have with the way things have gone.  I just want to do things the right way, I don't want to go into court for custody and the judge be angry with me for not allowing Jon to see or talk to his son.  Idk.  This is all just going off of legal advice from my family and none of them are lawyers.  I wish I was having better luck with legal aid so I could actually get true legal advice as far as things like that go, because trust me, Dakota is young enough right now that he could still have a very happy life without Jon in it.  It's the in and out and the non consistency that is tearing him apart. 

And honestly guys, I thought I would have a hard time with the divorce, but I am so much happier without that man in my life.  Even as bad as thngs have been with the way he ended things, there was a battery charge I had to file, and with the way he is treating our son, I still wake up in the morning with a smile on my face.  Of course it could be because im just so upset for my son that I don't have time to be upset for myself =(

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