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17yo in abusive relationship

Posted by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:26 PM
  • 16 Replies

My 17yo son has been going out with his gf for over a year now and on several occasions she has slapped or even punched him. Tonight was the most recent.

They went to a baseball game with the church youth group. He said while they were there she was being super clingy, as usual. He said "I'm really not in the mood to be having someone hang all over me tonight." She got pissed and wouldn't talk to him. So when they got back to the church they talked and he went to kiss her goodnight and she hauled off and punched him in the eye! So he said "Fine, if that's how you want it than I guess it's over" to which she responded by crying her eyes out and begging for forgiveness. He says it's done, but they've broken up before and she always cries until he takes her back. 

I'm at a loss for what to do. She hardly ever comes to our house, she demands that he goes to her house when they get together, so I really don't know her too well. And I know her parents even less. I've met them several times, but they don't seem interested in anything I have to say to them and always seem to snub me. It's hard to get to know people like that.

So far my son has not retaliated in a physical way, but I'm afraid that some day he will. And with the way the laws are here he will be the one sitting in jail. He came home with a black eye tonight! 

Should I call the cops on a 16yo girl? Should I try to talk to her parents even though I think it will do no good? Should I keep out of it and let my son figure it out on his own? I've talked to my son several times. I've told him where I stand on the issue, but now I'm lost. I'm so confused and totally pissed. Any advice or insight would be great. Thanks.

by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:26 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Kiwismommy19
by Diamond Member on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:29 PM
Question. If it were your daughter who came home with a black eye, what would you do? Not sure of the laws but I'd assume you can do something if someone hits your minor child even if it's another minor. I'd be calling.
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my4kidsrock2
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:35 PM

The laws are in place, but they don't seem to be enforced when it's the guy being abused. If he were to retaliate I'm sure they would be all over him, but she would walk away free. It's just the way things go around here, sad but true. So I'm not sure calling the cops would do much good. I am thinking maybe I can at least make a report so we at least have it on record if we ever need it though.

Kiwismommy19
by Diamond Member on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:38 PM
If it were me, I'd have a report made each time, also noting anyone who witnessed it. Also, if you find your county/city police aren't doing anything, I've been told you can report it to the state police and they'll deal with it.

Quoting my4kidsrock2:

The laws are in place, but they don't seem to be enforced when it's the guy being abused. If he were to retaliate I'm sure they would be all over him, but she would walk away free. It's just the way things go around here, sad but true. So I'm not sure calling the cops would do much good. I am thinking maybe I can at least make a report so we at least have it on record if we ever need it though.

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Mommy2justone
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:39 PM
I would take pictures and then call her parents. If they don't seem interested in having a talk, file a police report. But do it within 24 hours of the incident.
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Xantho
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:40 PM

 I would call the police, no one should get away with violence.

 

As for why your son keeps going back, an abuse victim will go back at least 7 times before leaving for good...this may be the case with your son.

cjsmom1
by Silver Member on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:41 PM

Talk to your son and see what he wants/thinks should be done. Something needs to be done because this girl is not going to stop. I say talk to her parents and let them know if it happens again you will be calling the cops, also take a picture of the black eye.

081499
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:41 PM

You said they are involved in a church youth group...maybe talk to the youth pastor or the pastor of the church, to get the girl some guidance and counseling.  Either that or call the police. 

k_hall1784
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:42 PM
Call the cops. She shouldn't be putting her hands on him.
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Xantho
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:43 PM

 The reports are a great thing to have just incase she goes completely psycho and decides to break out windows or something like that...

Quoting Kiwismommy19:

If it were me, I'd have a report made each time, also noting anyone who witnessed it. Also, if you find your county/city police aren't doing anything, I've been told you can report it to the state police and they'll deal with it.

Quoting my4kidsrock2:

The laws are in place, but they don't seem to be enforced when it's the guy being abused. If he were to retaliate I'm sure they would be all over him, but she would walk away free. It's just the way things go around here, sad but true. So I'm not sure calling the cops would do much good. I am thinking maybe I can at least make a report so we at least have it on record if we ever need it though.

 

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mswaz
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:43 PM
I agree if this was a daughter what would you do... Furthermore time to talk with your son about healthy relationships... Point out that he is young and this is more then likely not the person he was meant to be with... Maybe her parents army interested because it's a learned behavior
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