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"Normal" 13 year old behavior????

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 5:13 PM
  • 10 Replies

I am the mom of three great kids.  Two sons and a daughter.  I have never had any issues with my boys but my daughter is another story.

My daughter recently turned 13 and her behavior and demeanor has changed so much.  She never wants to be home.  Spends just about every moment other than school with her friends.  When I ask her why she tells me that we never do anything and she is bored.  We are a very close family and are used to doing everything together.  I don't know if I am blowing the situtation out of proportion and need to relax and let her be a teenager.   

She has also started with the attitude and much like her friends think she's "all that".  Much more so recently.  I see the way her friends are and they are the same way with their parents.  Drives me crazy.  I expect and have tried to raise my daughter to be a nice respectable person.  I get really upset when I see some of these behaviors.  It has gotten to the point that my sons do not like her having friends over because he whole persona changes.  She becomes someone we do not know (ie mouthy, disrespectful  & rude).  For her older brother to mention something is huge.

We were always very close and talked about everything.  I recently found out a few things that have happened with "boys" while she was out with friends and I have made a point to talk to her about it.  I have always believed that being open and honest with your kids is the best way.  I have told her what we expect from her and was disappointed when this information was presented to me.  Is this normal behavior for a 13 year girl? 

I try thinking back to when I was 13 and none of this seems to be where I was.  Granted, I put my parents through hell while I was in my late teens and have turned out pretty good but I am just really concerned I am handling everything wrong.

 

 

 

 

 

by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 5:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Bmat
by Barb on Sep. 14, 2011 at 5:18 PM

I only had boys, but at about that age they became strangers-  not their usual personalities.  I understand with girls it is even more so.  I recommend being her parent (said with all gentleness) and set limits for her. She may fuss about the boundaries, but they will help her decide how to go on in her confusing life at this age.

earthangel1967
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 5:58 PM

I did a 360 in my behaviors at 13 from wanting to be teachers pet and impress my parents all my childhood to the EXTREME Opposite at 13 I was much much worse than the description of your daughter.

As for my own kids I have 5. 3 girls now ages 18,19 and 22 and 2 boys 16 & 24.

I am sure the answer is more along the lines of each kid is an individual and personal experiences of different ages vary.. but in OUR kids...

Both boys were into constant mischief as LITTLE BOYS in elementary school and the 3 girls were EASYYYY

But THEN starting around preteens age thru early to mid teens the boys got Easy and stopped getting in trouble and

all 3 girls got EXCESSIVELY moody and mouthy and overly opinionated and always had to have the last word and got jealous of everything and fought over everything and nothing and lived for their friends and got boy crazy (neither one of my boys ever got girl crazy they liked girls but never became crazy over them like my girls did w/ boys) The 3 girls also went thru a stage where no matter what I did or tried to do to make them happy I could no NOTHING right they would look for the tiniest negative and exagerate it and I felt very sad for awhile during that stage bc we've all always been SO CLOSE and bend over backwards for our kids to be close to them.

THen after they got to mid to LATE TEENS they stopped acting like that THANK HEAVENS and now that they are all older they are easy again and back to their sweet selves and we are all really really close friends so my advice is

Keep communication wide open with her and hang in there mom HUGS

YVONNE Meez 3D avatar avatars games

JZB
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 6:00 PM

Don't let her spend so much time out of the house

crashmomma3
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 6:05 PM
Something I use is when mine is being rude, mouthy,ect is you may get to talk to so and so like that but you may not talk to me like that.... if doesn't work take away something that's important to her
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earthangel1967
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 6:05 PM

Yes it might be better to encourage her to bring her friends to YOUR house try to make your house a fun place to hang out so you are the hang out house... tha tis what I did to encourage that bc as long as they are at YOUR House you know where they are and what they are up to.

 

YVONNE Meez 3D avatar avatars games

earthangel1967
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 6:08 PM

Another thing that might be helpful is to join one of the many groups on Cafemom that are for moms with Teens

There are a bunch of them here

http://www.cafemom.com/groups/find.php?keyword=teens

The biggest most active one is MOMS WITH TEENS its an awesome and very very helpful bunch of moms there.

http://www.cafemom.com/group/101187/

YVONNE Meez 3D avatar avatars games

Sweets27
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 6:12 PM
This. I would tell her when she is mouthy that she will not speak that way in your home. Also you're the parent keep her home even if she is bored she has to deal with it. Sit down with her and remind her of the rules if she doesn't follow them punish her. Take something away etc.

Quoting crashmomma3:

Something I use is when mine is being rude, mouthy,ect is you may get to talk to so and so like that but you may not talk to me like that.... if doesn't work take away something that's important to her
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vwd_johnson
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 6:21 PM
I would continue to talk with her, but don't push her too far. If you push her too much && try and put your foot down. There's a chance she'll rebel. I know when I was 13, I started with little attitude.

My mom & I didn't get along at all though, really ever. So that's a little different.. but it got worse when I was a teen. Then, I lost my virginity at 14 ! Yeah.. not the smartest idea, but I didn't care at that age.

I'd keep an eye on her, let her know how you feel.. maybe see if you can come up with some fun idea's with her & her friends. See if they wanna come over more & order a pizza && good movies ? Take them to the mall && then pick them up ?? I'm not sure what's in your area, but find fun things to do for her & her friends & possibly you that's fun & safe.
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DAHLONEGAMOMMY
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 6:22 PM

This is just normal teen behavior. My 17yo son did exactly the way you are describing your daughter. He became inseperable from his friends. He didnt want to do anything with us as a family but would complain that we never do anything. He began giving me an attitude and had a sense of entitlement that he did not earn. He would give me hateful remarks and throw a tantrum when he didnt get his way. I wanted so badly to take him and velcro him to a tree and leave him there until he came to his senses and realized I am his mother and I will not be disrespected in my own home by my own child. Things have really changed over the last year though. I can really see how he is maturing and sees things much differently than before. I shared this in a nother post but a while back he told me that he was proud to have me as a mom and that he appreciates all that I have sacrificed for him and his brother when I didnt have to. He actually said to me, "I know I give you a lot of crap but you are a good mom and I am proud to have you as my mom." Give it time, mom. Your daughter will come around. This is just the age when she starts looking for her wings and trying to fly without them getting clipped by you. The best advice I can give you is to avoid getting in the middle of her tantrums and snotty attitudes. She cannot be disrespectful if you are not listening. Keep in mind that you control her ability to socialize with those very friends she finds so important and if your daughter doesnt behave as instructed, you can take that ability away from her. Stand your ground and follow through. It may be a couple of rocky years but she will come around. You just have to make it that long. 

Mrs_Incredible
by Gold Member on Sep. 14, 2011 at 6:30 PM

It sounds like pretty typical teenage behavior.  I would recommend the parenting with love and logic book for teens. 

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