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New here and a question on emotions

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 1:43 PM
  • 7 Replies

I am new to this group and I have an 8 moth-old baby girl. She is adorable and the light of our lives. We live in South Africa, and we waited 2 years for her (I have been married for 81/2 years). The one question that I have is whether it is normal to feel emotionally distanced from her? It seems like a silly question, and I kinda feel embarrassed to ask... She has low muscle tone and I am struggling with feelings of guilt and overwhelm because she does not stand or even attempt it and we have to really work hard to get her to move and do things. Recently I have been noticing that I am withdrawing emotionally from her, and I am not sure what to do. Any advice? 

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 1:43 PM
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081499
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 1:51 PM

It's normal to feel all sorts of crazy emotions after having a baby.  That being said, I would go see your doctor and talk about PPD.  Nothing to be embarrassed about.  :)  

Welcome to the group!  :)  

Bmat
by Barb on Nov. 9, 2011 at 2:34 PM

Welcome!

Emotions can warm or cool.  Probably your feelings are perfectly normal. 8 months is not an age where I would be concerned about the baby not standing, although if your doctor has said there is a problem then of course you are worried. The worry may cause you to back away emotionally to protect yourself. Say to yourself how much you love her and are attached to her. Hug and caress her and smile into her eyes.  ((hugs))

LancesMom
by Gold Member on Nov. 9, 2011 at 2:41 PM

welcomeNice to meet you! You could be going though a depression hon. I would talk to the doctor about her progress and what you are feeling! It is overwhelming at times.

MomEL
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 8:08 AM

Thank you all for the replies and advice - I appreciate it. Glad to be part of the community :)

bamababe1975
by Gold Member on Nov. 10, 2011 at 11:20 AM

 hugsand welcome! :)

Quoting MomEL:

Thank you all for the replies and advice - I appreciate it. Glad to be part of the community :)

 


lilbitcrazed
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 11:43 AM

 Sometimes it can be hard to feel connected with an infant. There isn't a whole lot of immediate gratification. You can feel as if you are just giving and giving and not getting a whole lot back. Are you all alone at home with the baby most of the time? That is very isolating, try to get yourself some mommy pals/play groups. You will learn that every child develops at their own pace.

Fear can play a big part when trying to connect w/baby. You might be feeling guilty that it is somehow your fault that she isn't progressing as quickly as you think she should. Feelings like blame can be transferred to baby. If your feelings go on for much longer, I would talk to her pedi soon. They know a lot more about children and parents aside from looking into their ears. Most of all, don't beat yourself up about this. It will only foster more negative thinking. I am sure that you are doing all of the right things. With a bit of help, you will get past this and go on to enjoy every part of parenting.

Butterflysky_24
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 12:33 PM
I think in the first year I was in such a crazy whirlwind of trying to figure out how to take care of a baby that I didn't really get super attached and have that feeling of inseparable love that I have for my son now. Things are crazy especially when you're worrying about if she's hitting the milestone quick enough. But u should do something every day to get closer to ur daughter, even is its getting onthe floor and playing with her during tummy time or holding and cuddling her before her nap. Good luck!
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