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How do you make a friend Without being rude?

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 3:17 PM
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I don't have any friends and I Don't always know how to make friends. There's a guy that I talk to at my grocery that is nice and it's fun to talk to someone. I get lonely at home sometimes and it would be nice to have a friend to talk to sometimes. If this guy ever asks for my number at the grocery how do I politely tell him I just need a friend? Or should I just say no to the phone number? And how do you make a friend (female) that I just say hi to every time I see. I don't know how to tell the difference between someone being polite to customers or someone who would actually like to be my friend. Btw im married with kids and my husband has had friends that were female so he shouldn't be able to get mad that I have a friend that's a guy. Especially if it's just occasional phone conversations. I just get lonely sometimes when he works a lot and I'm trying to be able to be more social while being a SAHM. Thanx
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 3:17 PM
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081499
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 3:25 PM

Personally, being married, I would never become 'friends' with another guy.  That's not to say that I'm not friendly with other guys - I feel comfortable texting my DH's best friend, I talk to the guys at work, there are men at church I know and love.  But I'd never ask them over or call just to chat because I'm lonely or anything like that.  For me, it's not apporopriate.  And while my DH knows other girls/ladies, he has the same line he doesn't cross.  

Find a mom's group in your area.  Meet other girls at church functions.  When you meet someone you think you may like to hang out with, give her your number.  You just need to come across as confident and  you'll be fine!  :)

An0nym0mmy
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 3:27 PM
Thank you! :)
Mom2houseofboys
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 3:53 PM

I've been struggling with this for a long time too, but I was recently told that becoming a friend means you have to be a good listener, and express interest in something someone does.  I know I am not a good listener, but I am learning. I am also looking at getting in to more activities with other parents...for example I'm helping put together a cookbook for a local church.

An0nym0mmy
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:05 PM
That's great. It's funny how easy it is for some people and how much harder it is for others. I was home schooled all through middle and high school so I attribute my social ackeardness to that but I also know that being away from bad influences made me a better person also. My problem is I get nervous around people and don't want them to get the wrong impression of me so sometimes I over explain myself or another problem I have is reading people so I'm not sure what they want. (Friendship?) so it's hard.
milenko_chick
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:09 PM

I used to have a lot of friends when I still lived in California but then I moved to CO and have 0 friends. Lol! It doesn't help that I don't drive atm but once I do start driving again I plan on attending kids events with my DS and hopefully meet other moms that way.

heidi.pierce
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:25 PM

I feel the same way you do.  I don't have friends of my own and I am terrible at talking to people.  So I have no advice to you on that front.  I do however think you made the first step by joining this group.  I just joined so I don't know all that much about it, but here I am talking to you so I guess it works.  Would love to get to know you better.  So here's a little about me:  I'm a stay at home mom as well.  My son is 7.  I try to get involved at his school and that is really the only way I have to meet new moms.  The unfortunate part is that they seem  to want nothing to do with me.  I don't know if it's because of our age difference or what.  I'm 30 and most of them are on their 3rd child and in their 40's I think.  I have no problem with any-one's age it's how they act and who they are that matters to me.  I look forward to hearing about you.

lioness3e
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 5:09 PM

Look for groups on meetup.com I've made many new friends at local meet ups. 

An0nym0mmy
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 6:37 PM
Hi, thanks for your reply. It's nice to know in not the only one going through this although I do feel bad you're going through the same thing. I'm a SAHM (stay at home mom) and love it. I have two boys ages two yrs and four yrs old. I don't have any friends and my husband works six days a week normally, so I do get lonely at times. There are times when you feel stuck doing the same thing every day as a SAHM but I know that is normal and I know I wouldn't be happier working because I'd be away from my boys more. My oldest just started preschool this year and I thought I'd make friends with moms there but it hasn't really worked out that way. Most of the moms don't speak much English and I'm younger than most of them, I'm 21. Which is fine for me but I think they assume I want to party or am more immature because of my age. But I'm actually a very responsible and proud mom and I'd love to have a good friend, which is so hard to find these days.. at least for me. There is a mom group I hear about that gets together and does things in my area but I haven't gotten myself to go again. I went one time and the only thing I disliked is the place we met at there was many other people and I didn't know who was actually in the group and who were just other people there so it made me uncomfortable to go up to strangers asking if they were in the moms group. Anyways it is nice to meet you, hope to hear from you again. Have a nice day
Bmat
by Barb on Nov. 9, 2011 at 6:44 PM

Nix thoughts of more than just casual acquaintanceship with the worker. He happens to be a good guy who likes treating the customers well.  Be the same toward him, a casual acquaintance, not a potential friend.  Especially since you are married.  As for making a casual female friend,  someone that you see at the same place all the time- at the playground, at church, wherever, just smile and say good morning, and if you are to be casual friends or actually make friends, let it happen slowly.

Bmat
by Barb on Nov. 9, 2011 at 6:48 PM

I am sorry you feel snubbed.  I wonder if you could volunteer to help in one of the committees, if you haven't aleady. Be sure to smile and learn everyone's name, find out about their children and ask about them, ask if they know your child's teacher and how they like her, and be sure to say only nice things about the teacher- you never know when things that you say are going to get back to her. Also join other groups- church, civic groups, friends of the library, take classes,  smile and greet people at the grocery. Smiling is a way our society communicates that they are friendly and non-threatening. :) 

Quoting heidi.pierce:

I feel the same way you do.  I don't have friends of my own and I am terrible at talking to people.  So I have no advice to you on that front.  I do however think you made the first step by joining this group.  I just joined so I don't know all that much about it, but here I am talking to you so I guess it works.  Would love to get to know you better.  So here's a little about me:  I'm a stay at home mom as well.  My son is 7.  I try to get involved at his school and that is really the only way I have to meet new moms.  The unfortunate part is that they seem  to want nothing to do with me.  I don't know if it's because of our age difference or what.  I'm 30 and most of them are on their 3rd child and in their 40's I think.  I have no problem with any-one's age it's how they act and who they are that matters to me.  I look forward to hearing about you.


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