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ADVICE! ( living situation & family)

Posted by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 12:18 PM
  • 24 Replies

i feel really bad about this situation im in... i dont know what to do!  i have my own apartment with my fiance and 3 yr old son. and me and my family are set in our own ways of doing things and live our life how we like. we"re very happy with the way things WERE... recently my brother hit a crisis and lost his job and had to move to waterbury and move in with me. i wanted to help. afterall he is my brother. hes 23 btw. and has a son. my mother wasnt able to help she herself had to move in with her friend under same type of circumstances. i had all good intentions of having him live with me for a short period of time. ne and my family are moving out of state in dec. he would have taken over the ap[artment. we were supposed to move out of state nov 4th but financially wernt able to due to a financial emergency. now it has been a month and things are becoming tense. its not that my brother is a burden so  to say its more of a personal space thing. i only have a one br apmt and me and my fiance moved into the living room so he can have the room. and he has his son on the weekends. now into deeper situations my brother and my fiance do not like eachother. me and my brother are starting to argue all the time about life situations and other petty things. to the point of heated arguments. and its become very uncomfortable to be in my own home. my fiance often leaves just to get some peace of mind and feels as tho this is not "home" anymore and it saddens me. he has somewhere to go but he wont go until he has secured a job in the area. his friend is leaving him a house for 500 a month. in a beautiful area. i cannot afford much and im living with bare staples. just surviving. everything is now putting a strain on me and my relationship also. its getting worse day to day. i dont know what kind of advice im looking for just anything that can help before have a mental break!

by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 12:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lilmama8408
by Silver Member on Nov. 26, 2011 at 12:22 PM

 sounds like you 3 need to sit and have a talk. or he needs to leave. it sounds like you really love your brother and want to help but i think a 1 bedroom apartment for 3 adults and 2 children is way to small. where i live a child older than 2years old cannot sleep in the same room as parents and has to have their "own"bedroom... they can share it with other siblings

Cafe AmyS
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 2:25 PM
2 moms liked this

I agree... 1 bedroom for 2 adults and a child is too small, but you add in another adult and another child (even if he is just part time) and I can see why tensions would be rising.

I also agree that you need to sit down with your DF and your brother and talk about the situation at hand.  Explain that things can NOT continue as they are for even another day.  That you've got to all learn to cooperate and work together to make the living situation comfortable.

Quoting lilmama8408:

 sounds like you 3 need to sit and have a talk. or he needs to leave. it sounds like you really love your brother and want to help but i think a 1 bedroom apartment for 3 adults and 2 children is way to small. where i live a child older than 2years old cannot sleep in the same room as parents and has to have their "own"bedroom... they can share it with other siblings


Cafe AmyS
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 2:32 PM

Welcome.  Sounds like a difficult situation. hugs

grownsexy
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 4:09 PM

It is time for your brother to move. He is a grown man. The situation at best is differcult. I know that you wanted to help however, he needs to be given a time frame in which to vacate your premesis. I am in a simiiiar situation. I tell you it is not easy but I am on the end that your So is on and I am ready to step. Home should one place that you should find comfort. I know longer believe in bringing people into the home. I would rather give them money to help out with an extended stay. The situation you brought him into was not ideal to start out with.

If you don't get this resolved soon it will cause a breakdown in your relationship. If your brother don't find a job within thrity days tell him to join the service are find a shelter.

ceciliam
by Cecilia on Nov. 26, 2011 at 7:49 PM

I'm sorry. I hope things get better for you, soon.

nikkidoll86
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 12:53 AM
1 mom liked this

well sad to say tonight there was a huge fight and my relationship is at an end and my brother was kickedout tonight! oh what a day! he puts his nose where it did NOT belong and now me and my fiance might no longer be together... oh joy of helping others!  never again!

seksen
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 12:59 AM
1 mom liked this

I sure hope everything works out for you!!!

raven1114
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 6:51 AM
1 mom liked this
Why does your brother have the bedroom while you and your df sleep in the living room? I'd be pissed to if dh gave OUR room to his brother.
pristine729
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 7:00 AM
1 mom liked this
Of course your SO doesn't feel like it's home, you kicked him out of his room and gave it to your brother!
Your brother should be sleeping on the couch, which would give him more ambition to move out. Your brother has personal space, you gave yours to him. I know you had good intentions.
My advice is to put your SO first. How does SO want to handle this?
Tell your brother that originally it was ok for him to take your room because it was temporary, but that as time goes on, you realize you need it back.
Good luck mama!
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happinessforyou
by Member on Nov. 27, 2011 at 7:07 AM
1 mom liked this

I believe in helping family, but not at the expense of YOUR FAMILY which is your SO & child. He needs to move out. You have done everything you can to help. Maybe he can stay with a friend?

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