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10 yr old who is both passive agressive AND emotionally abusive towards my child?

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:59 PM
  • 7 Replies

 My son is 9, almost 10. His best friend is usually sweet and considerate, and more polite than any child I have ever met. But when you say "No" he turns into a raving lunatic monster.

Okay. Not really. He says it's okay with a mopey face. And walks away. You think that is the end of it. Nope. At school, he will tell my son he doesn't like him any more, he thinks my dh and I are mean, etc.

Yesterday, his brother, who is 9, had a sleepover b-day party and my son got to go because he is friends with both of these kiddos. So today my son calls. I can hear his friend in the background, over and over, saying Ask if I can come over, Ask if I can come over. So I say no, not today. We have to go to the store, and tomorrow my boys are off and have early dr. appts. So I hear no, and I hear WHY?!!! I WANT TO COME OVER! BEG! He explains why, and I ask what time my son needs to be picked up. I hear the mom yell anytime. My son tells me anytime. We hang up and 5 minutes later my son calls sounding VERY upset and says he wants to come home, NOW.

The kid told him he doesn't want him there and he never should have been invited. WTF. This other kid is usually so polite. What do I do? Stop the friendship? This is his BEST FRIEND. What to do? Thanks.

by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 3:59 PM
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Replies (1-7):
bamababe1975
by Gold Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 5:52 PM

 Wow, it sounds like the other kid is maybe used to getting his way and thinks this manipulation and mistreatment of your son will get you to cave in and give in to his wants, too? As for what to do about it, I don't know, but maybe you could explain to your son that the other kid doesn't really mean what he's saying, but is just being mean because he didn't get his way?


RubyFairy
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 6:16 PM

 

Quoting bamababe1975:

 Wow, it sounds like the other kid is maybe used to getting his way and thinks this manipulation and mistreatment of your son will get you to cave in and give in to his wants, too? As for what to do about it, I don't know, but maybe you could explain to your son that the other kid doesn't really mean what he's saying, but is just being mean because he didn't get his way?

 Thank you I will def. do that.

PinkParadox
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 6:18 PM

I don't have any good advice.  It doesn't really sound too abnormal though honestly.  For one, maybe the kid has a crappy homelife?  My girls are 4 & 6...and they'll tell each other they're never going to play with the other, or they're not each other's friends or whatever...then they'll be playing together 2 minutes later.  Even at 10...they're still developing emotional control and words are one of the only things they have control over.  I would just keep trying to tell your son what the right example is...but, try to be careful what you actually say about the friend....try to say things in a diplomatic way.

bmw29
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 6:21 PM
1 mom liked this
I say just stay out of it. As hard as it may be your son is learning a lesson. He will decide on his own if he wants to continue the friendship. If he decides the boy is not a good friend then both boys learn a hard lesson.
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NearSeattleMom
by Gold Member on Jan. 16, 2012 at 2:00 AM


Quoting bmw29:

I say just stay out of it. As hard as it may be your son is learning a lesson. He will decide on his own if he wants to continue the friendship. If he decides the boy is not a good friend then both boys learn a hard lesson.

I agree.

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mamakenzi
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 4:39 AM


Quoting bmw29:

I say just stay out of it. As hard as it may be your son is learning a lesson. He will decide on his own if he wants to continue the friendship. If he decides the boy is not a good friend then both boys learn a hard lesson.


Kenzi

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hollydaze1974
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 5:25 AM
Mom, you need to start trying to end the friendship while making it your son's idea. My son had a budding bully like this, it started over a friendship the both had with another child at daycare. "j" would do things like trip my son over lunch throw his jacket across the court yard when buses were coming, lie to the teacher about seeing my son cheat... By the end of the day on the bus, "j" would be, "sit here! Sit here!" only to evilly tease him all the way to daycare.
One day, my son comes home and says that "j" says his parents said he couldn't hang out with my son b/c my son was "a bad influence"
SUDDENLY my son could never play with this mutual friend throwing up the bad influence thing.
I talked to the teacher who then tried three times to talk to "j"'s parent with no response. It came down to her telling "j" that HIS parent didn't want him to hang with my son, then HE had to move to a different area, not my son. I explain to mine that was good news, he could play with "e" again, but if "j" was there first, he wasn't allowed to make "j" leave out of spite. (don't want to teach them two wrongs make a right)
We spoke about how hard it is to let a friend we've known a long time go... That no one understands why some friendships make it and others don't, but he needed to look up the word "friend" in the dictionary and see if "j" still fit the description.
It was sad for him, but I heard anger towards this boy I hope to never hear again. It was kind of frightening.
Your son has a friend who is there when there is nothing left to do... We ALL had one of those, and we all remember their names!
Time to start explaining what a bully is and the satisfaction they get from crapping all over someone's day, mama.
DS still rides the bus with this boy and was very pissed that "j" got the driver in trouble for thinking it was funny to pull his shorts down to his ankles to get off the bus. DS was furious b/c the driver had to go through video after video over a three week time in order to clear herself of any I'm...."wrongdoing"
Worked out though, "j" is suspended from the bus the rest of the year, perhaps his parents have seen the true "bad influence"
I'm truly sorry your son is dealing with a BFF turned bully ESPECIALLY if he's friends with the brother, but mom, you need to do your best to have him decide it's not the friendship it once was.
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