• In the Spotlight:
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Baby Shower advice.

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 2:53 PM
  • 7 Replies

I am having this huge fight with my grandmother and aunt over who I did not invite to my babyshower. It's kind of a long story so bear with me. My mother passed away at the end of 2010 and since then my aunt and grandmother (on my moms side) feel as though they need to try and be mother figures to me. It's nice but not necessary. Anyway my mothers one sister K (I do not refer to her as my aunt) and my one cousin and I just dont get along. They never call to see how my father and I are doing nor was I invited to my cousins baby shower (the excuse for that was that I work to much and wouldnt have gone anyway), they also blatantly disrespecting my father by calling him a bad father and none of them bothered to visit my mother who had a complicated medical history. SO yes there is obvious resentment and bitterness towards them. Anyway my MIL is freaking amazing and is throwing me a baby shower. I gave her a list of who I wanted there from my side of the family. When the invitations started showing up my grandmother and aunt got pissed because not everyone from my moms side of the family was invited. I don't see why its such a problem considering 1 were not close, 2 they never make an effort to invite me or visit, and 3 I dont want them there I dont like them and dont plan on bringing my child around people who have always judged and hurt me so why subject myself to this just for a babyshower if I have no plans on letting them know my daughter. I love my aunt and grandmother and they have done alot for me. This is definately putting a block in our relationship. They keep arguing its not fair and it hurt me but  I told them that if they wanted it to be fair then they dont have to come. I feel as though they keep trying to make me be involved with the side of the family that i want nothing to do with I wish they could accept that its my baby shower. Oh it also doesn't help that my grandmother constantly judges me and my boyfriend and tries to pressure us into getting married or she says that I'll be aterrible mother. It hurts but she really has done alot for me. My aunt is a lot more supportive and caring. Any advice or support I'd appreciate it! Thanks .

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 2:53 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-7):
phoenixmom2011
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 3:02 PM

If they are throwing it they are entitled to a little say in who is invited, while yes you may not like the people you do not really have to associate with them while at the party if it is large enough. put a smile on your face, say hello thank you for joing us, since your aunt and grandmother are hosting the event they can make sure that they are comfy and enjoying themselves, and then when they leave thank you for sharing this special day with us. My mom and Aunt threw my shower and they did not even bother to consult me on the shower at all. there were people I can not stand there (including my sister) but I put on a smile and was thankful for everything my Aunt and mom did.

seamonkey419
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 3:03 PM

my mother in law is throwing it not them.

seamonkey419
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 3:03 PM

see its a confusing mess.lol

Tranla
by Elisabeth on Feb. 8, 2012 at 3:31 PM
Just put your foot down about not having people you don't get along with at an event for you and your child. No matter how many times they try to guilt trip you into doing things your way. They may keep it up until the day of the party, but you just have to keep saying no, this is what I want. It's not quite the same, but I had to deal with my mom wanting me to uninvite my dad's wife to my wedding. No matter how many times she had me crying at 7-8 months pregnant, I did not give in to her.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
amonkeymom
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 3:56 PM

My thoughts... be the bigger person.  Don't argue with them, tell them like it is.  If they push the issue, tell them they're allowed to invite one guest each and then if the unwanted relatives do come, just be the bigger person... be nice, be sweet, be gentle, and be thankful toward them.  Don't let them see that they've hurt you.

(((hug)))

caro100
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 3:57 PM
Use the same excuse your aunt and gma gave you when you weren't invited. They wouldn't come anyway. There has to be a limit on who's invited, and even if they come ,sounds like they would be making catty remarks. Remind them that life is not fair and these people have not been supportive of you in the past. In fact have been unpleasant to you. On a side note, if it makes you uncomfortable to have your Dad bashed, you need to tell your gma, that you will not listen to it and if she continues, you will leave the conversation by hanging up if she's on the phone or leaving the house if you are visiting, if she is at your house, invite her to leave. You do not need negativity around you and yours.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
sreichelt26
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 7:25 PM

I dealt with similar issues for my wedding. I used the "we can onlly have so many people" excuse then, but I would just say that it's your party and you're allowed to choose who to be there. If they don't like it, they don't have to come either.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)