Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Treating step children fairly after new addition

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:50 PM
  • 37 Replies

Okay, So I am 23 and I  have a 8 year old step-son who I love very much. I am almost 17 weeks pregnant, and I was wanting some advice on how to not become the "wicked step mother" I know things can change once you have a child of your own, but I don't want it to. Any advice ladies? I just want to be able to treat him fairly. I  have some ideas, but I would like to hear some of your Ideas too =)


Edit:

I probably should have said this in the original post, it's not TOO crucial to the question, but his real mom isn't in the picture, and hasn't been since he was 10 months old, so I don't have to worry too much about letting his mom be his mom and not taking her place. The only mom he has known is his grandmother. However, since I started dating his dad,(we were best friends for 6 years before we started dating) and he started seeing me as a mother figure, and started calling mommy occasionally, he started referring to his grandmother as his grandma instead of his mommy. His mom/grandma just wants to be a grandma for a change, and she is always telling me how thankful she is, and how much she appreciates me. I treat him and love him like he is my own, and there is no doubt in my mind that I will love him just the same, if not even more, when the baby comes... but I do know that older kids (step children or not) can be set to the side when a baby comes into the picture because they ARE more independent... I just want some extra input on how to prevent that... and you ladies are GREAT! Thank you all!

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:50 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
trulyblessed618
by Bronze Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:57 PM
Just include him so he doesn't feel left out.... That's all. You'll do fine ...
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
lucky2Beeme
by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:58 PM
2 moms liked this

I Have no experience in this. I think it would be great for you to keep saying how proud you are of him. How you know he is going to be such a good big brother and a wonderful role model for the baby. Really talk it up. I would also talk a lot about how he was as a baby.If you don;t know ask him what he remembers. Then say things like I bet this baby will do that. I hope you will teach your (brother/sister) how to do that. Ask for his input on things. Do you think the baby will like this shirt? toy? whatever  Listen to his replies and then thank him. say Well you were little not that long ago so I bet you know what the baby would like. I would also try to have 1 on 1 time set aside for him. With you and him and him and dad. Make it special big boy time. you can color, paint, bake cookies, go get ice cream, whatever. just keep assuring him how much you love him & being with him.

bmack2107
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:05 PM

I do plan on including him in as much as possible. 

bmack2107
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:06 PM

Lol this kind of made me tear up a bit. I'm a VERY emotional pregnant woman hahaha... I mean... I cried when I heard about winning a trip and swimming with dolphins! lol Anyway, this is great advice =) thank you!

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

I Have no experience in this. I think it would be great for you to keep saying how proud you are of him. How you know he is going to be such a good big brother and a wonderful role model for the baby. Really talk it up. I would also talk a lot about how he was as a baby.If you don;t know ask him what he remembers. Then say things like I bet this baby will do that. I hope you will teach your (brother/sister) how to do that. Ask for his input on things. Do you think the baby will like this shirt? toy? whatever  Listen to his replies and then thank him. say Well you were little not that long ago so I bet you know what the baby would like. I would also try to have 1 on 1 time set aside for him. With you and him and him and dad. Make it special big boy time. you can color, paint, bake cookies, go get ice cream, whatever. just keep assuring him how much you love him & being with him.


lucky2Beeme
by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:08 PM


Quoting bmack2107:

Lol this kind of made me tear up a bit. I'm a VERY emotional pregnant woman hahaha... I mean... I cried when I heard about winning a trip and swimming with dolphins! lol Anyway, this is great advice =) thank you!

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

I Have no experience in this. I think it would be great for you to keep saying how proud you are of him. How you know he is going to be such a good big brother and a wonderful role model for the baby. Really talk it up. I would also talk a lot about how he was as a baby.If you don;t know ask him what he remembers. Then say things like I bet this baby will do that. I hope you will teach your (brother/sister) how to do that. Ask for his input on things. Do you think the baby will like this shirt? toy? whatever  Listen to his replies and then thank him. say Well you were little not that long ago so I bet you know what the baby would like. I would also try to have 1 on 1 time set aside for him. With you and him and him and dad. Make it special big boy time. you can color, paint, bake cookies, go get ice cream, whatever. just keep assuring him how much you love him & being with him.


  awww your welcome momma. I was happy to see a stepmom that truly cares about her step child. I think it is wonderful you want him to be as important as he was before  the new baby !

Surround yourself with people that add to your life not subtract from it.

caro100
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:18 PM
The fact that you are expressing concern, makes me know that there won't be a problem. Just include him and make time( its hard) just for him , like when the baby is sleeping. Does he know he's going to be a big brother yet? We didn't tell my stepdaughter till I was about 6 months along, when we did, she hid under the kitchen table for an hour, we reassured her that she would always be the oldest, she was still the only girl andshe would always be the princess. She said okay, but you can only have boys. LOL and that's how it turned out she's the only girl and happy at 26.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
bmack2107
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:35 PM

Lol! Yeah, he knows, he was actually the first to know. I was noticably pregnant by 14 weeks, so I never could  have kept it a secret that long. He's way too smart for that lol. He told us he was excited, other  than the crying and the dirty diapers! Hahaha! I admit, I can already be a little harder on him than the rest of the family, but it was the way I was brought up... we just had to tough it out. We went without occasionally, and I learned to appreciate the smaller things in life... Now him on the other hand, he is spoiled, never had to go without, and that's find and dandy, but It irritates me from time to time that he gets so upset when he doesn't get what he wants.. and I have just learned to take a deep breath, remove my mind from the situation for a few minutes, and remind myself that he is a child, and his toys are all that matters to him right now. So I'm slowly getting better with not being so tough on him, but I'm still keeping a bit of toughness on him, and now that I have been doing it, everyone else is too. Well, they aren't babying him anymore at least! lol But I love him regardless, and I'm hoping things can keep improving even after the baby comes =)

Quoting caro100:

The fact that you are expressing concern, makes me know that there won't be a problem. Just include him and make time( its hard) just for him , like when the baby is sleeping. Does he know he's going to be a big brother yet? We didn't tell my stepdaughter till I was about 6 months along, when we did, she hid under the kitchen table for an hour, we reassured her that she would always be the oldest, she was still the only girl andshe would always be the princess. She said okay, but you can only have boys. LOL and that's how it turned out she's the only girl and happy at 26.


Bmat
by Barb on Feb. 9, 2012 at 8:28 AM

The older child needs extra attention whether step or bio, he needs to be assured that the baby is not taking his place in your heart. So just as for bio children, when people come in to see the baby, be sure that the older child is also given some spotlight, when changing the baby, have the older child hand you the diapers, when the baby is being fed, read to the older child or ask him to read to you or tell you stories.

marisab
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 9:56 AM

 Just treat him exactly a syou would ur own and u wont have a problem.I hate the word step so i dont use it my daughters are mine wether they are his ,mine or ours

IepurasRoz
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 10:08 AM

 you are a wonderful mom i sooo admire you for making him a true part of the family...as your son...damn it now you make me tear (yes also pregnant & highly emotional lol) ---i wish my step dad treated me like this to - i wish every parent was like you step parent or not

Quoting bmack2107:

Lol this kind of made me tear up a bit. I'm a VERY emotional pregnant woman hahaha... I mean... I cried when I heard about winning a trip and swimming with dolphins! lol Anyway, this is great advice =) thank you!

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

I Have no experience in this. I think it would be great for you to keep saying how proud you are of him. How you know he is going to be such a good big brother and a wonderful role model for the baby. Really talk it up. I would also talk a lot about how he was as a baby.If you don;t know ask him what he remembers. Then say things like I bet this baby will do that. I hope you will teach your (brother/sister) how to do that. Ask for his input on things. Do you think the baby will like this shirt? toy? whatever  Listen to his replies and then thank him. say Well you were little not that long ago so I bet you know what the baby would like. I would also try to have 1 on 1 time set aside for him. With you and him and him and dad. Make it special big boy time. you can color, paint, bake cookies, go get ice cream, whatever. just keep assuring him how much you love him & being with him.

 

 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)