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I need major advice, thoughts and experiences mommies!!!!

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 8:02 AM
  • 38 Replies
I am guilty of not allowing my baby to self sooth now he cant stay on his crib. I tried having a routine...cereal..... bath...storytime.. but the only way he will stay in the crib is if I sneak him in the crib while hes sleeping every single time (which I know is bad) Or when he falls asleep while im breastfeeding....its the only way I get sleep. What should I do now? At 8 months is it too late to let him self soothe??? Because now he stands in his crib and waits til i come in when he wakes up and realizes hes alone. What are your thoughts, suggestions? (and experiences)
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by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 8:02 AM
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Replies (1-10):
indymom72
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 8:06 AM
2 moms liked this

I did the Ferber method with all three of my kids, and it worked.  Research it and see what you think.  You let them cry, but its not cruel like women say.  It's hard to do it though..no one enjoys hearing their baby cry. :)  When I went to visit my sis in CA, she actually had me sleep train her little guy because she couldn't bear to do it herself. lol..But she loves that she puts him to bed at 7 and he sleeps until 7 am.  It's not for everyone, but its worked for my family.  Good luck with your little man!! :)

hopealways4019
by Bronze Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 9:28 AM
Just let him cry, I know you probably hate to hear him cry, but eventually he will realized she ain't going pick me up, and won't cry, or will stop crying on his own.
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larissalarie
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 9:30 AM
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There's nothing wrong with how you are doing things. If you do want to teach him to fall asleep on his own, please don't do CIO! Studies show that this method kills brain cells, plus it's just cruel. You aren't teaching them to "self-soothe", you are teaching them that they can't count on mom the half of the day that parenting is less convenient. Remember those babies in the Russian orphanages who had all their physical needs met, yet failed to grow and actually developed holes in their brains from never being held & comforted? That should prove that love & comfort IS a need, not a "want" like CIO promoters like to claim. Obviously CIO isn't as extreme as that scenario, but I still think ignoring your child half the day in the name of "teaching" them is cruel. Would you want to be locked in a room and left to cry until you passed out from exhaustion?

If you want to help your baby learn to go to sleep without your help, I recommend doing your routine but laying baby down still awake. Leave the room. When baby coos, talks, or even slightly fusses- wait. But as soon as baby starts to cry, go and comfort in whatever way you want. When baby is calm, repeat. You might keep at this for hours until baby finally goes to sleep solo, or you might do it a few times and then go ahead and rock or nurse baby to sleep. This gives baby the opportunity to fall asleep alone without subjecting to hours of crying. It takes a lot more work & involvement from Mom & Dad than just shutting the door and forgetting about baby for the next 12 hours, and it won't work overnight, but it gives you baby a chance to learn without ignoring their need for comfort.
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mamaeagle216
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 9:50 AM
I agree. Ferber has a book we bought off the advice of our pedi. While it was expensive it was also, IMO, very worth it. We embraced his method around 7 months and the only time he has problems with sleeping is when he is sick and he will be three in June. It is NOT for everyone. The first night I had to do the dishes and play music to drown out his crying but you check on them after 5 mins, then 10, the 15. Eventually they fall asleep. I do recommend it. It's tough for a few days for I swear it worked for my son. It's also very important to do a routine just like you tried. They will fight you but it's best in the long run. Now my kids know what's coming and there's no surprises.
Good luck and I hope it works out for you, whichever way you decide to do it.



Quoting indymom72:

I did the Ferber method with all three of my kids, and it worked.  Research it and see what you think.  You let them cry, but its not cruel like women say.  It's hard to do it though..no one enjoys hearing their baby cry. :)  When I went to visit my sis in CA, she actually had me sleep train her little guy because she couldn't bear to do it herself. lol..But she loves that she puts him to bed at 7 and he sleeps until 7 am.  It's not for everyone, but its worked for my family.  Good luck with your little man!! :)


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Onemiracle
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:32 AM

We used a hybrid method based on a book from the American Academy of Pediatrics

http://www.amazon.com/American-Academy-Pediatrics-Guide-Childs/dp/0679769811/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1329059550&sr=1-1

 I recommend researching the Ferber method and paying special attention to the "whole package"  - then picking an approach that  that fits your child and situation.

 Then stick with it.. 

Getting to sleep is just one piece of the puzzle.  

In our experience, once we put all those other pieces in place.. bedtime was much easier.  

Quoting indymom72:

I did the Ferber method with all three of my kids, and it worked.  Research it and see what you think.  You let them cry, but its not cruel like women say.  It's hard to do it though..no one enjoys hearing their baby cry. :)  When I went to visit my sis in CA, she actually had me sleep train her little guy because she couldn't bear to do it herself. lol..But she loves that she puts him to bed at 7 and he sleeps until 7 am.  It's not for everyone, but its worked for my family.  Good luck with your little man!! :)


SouthTxPrincess
by Silver Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:46 AM
I agree we did the ferber method as well and it worked wonders! Now over a year later she tells us she is ready for bed we get kisses and daddy puts her in her crib. There is no fuss or fight and she sleeps through the night! It's hard the first night but then its so much easier! Good luck!
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MamaLadyBug1
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 12:04 PM

I agree 100%. CIO is just cruel. How could you ever listen to your child cry??

Quoting larissalarie:

There's nothing wrong with how you are doing things. If you do want to teach him to fall asleep on his own, please don't do CIO! Studies show that this method kills brain cells, plus it's just cruel. You aren't teaching them to "self-soothe", you are teaching them that they can't count on mom the half of the day that parenting is less convenient. Remember those babies in the Russian orphanages who had all their physical needs met, yet failed to grow and actually developed holes in their brains from never being held & comforted? That should prove that love & comfort IS a need, not a "want" like CIO promoters like to claim. Obviously CIO isn't as extreme as that scenario, but I still think ignoring your child half the day in the name of "teaching" them is cruel. Would you want to be locked in a room and left to cry until you passed out from exhaustion?

If you want to help your baby learn to go to sleep without your help, I recommend doing your routine but laying baby down still awake. Leave the room. When baby coos, talks, or even slightly fusses- wait. But as soon as baby starts to cry, go and comfort in whatever way you want. When baby is calm, repeat. You might keep at this for hours until baby finally goes to sleep solo, or you might do it a few times and then go ahead and rock or nurse baby to sleep. This gives baby the opportunity to fall asleep alone without subjecting to hours of crying. It takes a lot more work & involvement from Mom & Dad than just shutting the door and forgetting about baby for the next 12 hours, and it won't work overnight, but it gives you baby a chance to learn without ignoring their need for comfort.


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Single working mom to two little girls! 

caro100
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 12:40 PM
Rock your baby to sleep then put him in his crib. No harm no foul. My boys didn't sleep through the night till well after a year old.
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LindaClement
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 2:51 PM
2 moms liked this

8mo is far too early to self-soothe.

If human infants were supposed to be able to take care of their own needs, they'd be laid and walked away from, like snakes.

Your son only has one way of saying 'I need something' at this point in his development. It's for you to find out if what he needs is to be cleaned or fed... or loved.

Babies have only got instincts, and one of them is instinctive fear to being left alone and unprotected. They instinctively know about bears and cougars and wolves and cayotes, and snakes and tigers... and nothing at all about doors and windows and cities. You can't talk them into not being afraid when they're whole existence says 'I need my mother's protection.'

LindaClement
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 2:55 PM

Babies have died from the Ferber method.

Children use almost as many calories through the night growing as they do during the day's activities, so they naturally become hungry in the night because they are genuinely hungry.

You can talk a child out of telling you they're hungry, but you can't talk them out of being hungry. Or lonely. Or frightened.

Quoting SouthTxPrincess:

I agree we did the ferber method as well and it worked wonders! Now over a year later she tells us she is ready for bed we get kisses and daddy puts her in her crib. There is no fuss or fight and she sleeps through the night! It's hard the first night but then its so much easier! Good luck!


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