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Am I Being A Hypocrite?

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 12:40 PM
  • 26 Replies

So i got at my son's dad for having a girlfriend with a kid when he has a kid himself (she's 22, he's 20) and i told him exactly why i didnt like it; he HATES me and i dont want him spending more time with this girl and her kid than he does with his own kid just because he likes being around/talking to/ having anything to do with this other girl more than me. It's not fair for our son. But recently i met this guy (he's 23, i'm 19) and he has a kid too. I'm not sure if i like him as more than a friend yet but just even hanging out with him makes me feel guilty (for the record, i already told him i wont hang out with him if he has his daughter with him and he wont be meeting DS for a very long time, if even at all. and DS hasnt met his dad's girlfriend yet either. but i dont know if his dad has met his girlfriends kid yet). Am i wrong for hanging out with a guy with a kid if i got mad at DS' dad for pretty much the same thing? His dad is already spending more time with his girlfriend than DS; he saw DS 2 times in the past 2 weeks and he saw his girlfriend at least 3 times.  i obviously would never do that to DS but still..

by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 12:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
othermom
by Gold Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 1:04 PM

I don't see anything wrong with dating some one with a kid. If you are not allowing your child around the person for a while you would still be spending time with them with out your child whether they had a kid or not.

misslady80013
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 1:13 PM
You can't tell him what to do, he is grown. All you can do is let your feelings be known and it's up to him to make a choice. Do you really only want him to spend time with your son because you nag him to? He should want to so that shouldn't have been a discussion. To answer your question, yes, but I do understand the whole quality time issue.
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lioness3e
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 1:25 PM
2 moms liked this

Actually, you don't have any business telling someone else what to do with their life, even if he's your son's father. Still none of your business.

There's nothing wrong with either of you having a social life and hanging with other people. His business is his, and your business, is yours. 

You have no control over who he has around your son when he has his parenting time, unless it's court ordered.

Yes, I believe your being hypocritical and need to work past that your ex has a live aside from your son and there will be times your son will be a part of that life. It goes with the territory.

I don't agree with introducing young children to someone the parent is dating until it becomes a serious relationship. However, its just one of those things one has no control over what the other person does.

Do what can be done to communicate to him how you feel about the situation, but you can't tell him what to do. GL


KayDziedzic
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 1:29 PM

I do think it's hypocritical, but I don't see any problem with dating someone who already has kids; especially if the boy/girlfriend isn't being introduced to the child(ren) until mom/dad and bf/gf have been together for a while and have decided to make a long-term committment to each other and each other's families. Sounds like you're being responsible and keeping your son's best interests in mind, so, IMO, you should enjoy dating, guilt free.

I have friends and family whose custody agreements prevent either parent from having bf/gf stay overnight when they have the kids. Other than that, I don't think there's much you can do about your son's father spending more time with the new gf than with your son.

Jadegirl1819
by Bronze Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 1:34 PM

You don't have any right to tell your ex who to spend time with. 

snowangel1979
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 1:47 PM
Sorry but you have no say in who you ex can and can't hang out with. If the mom feels comfortable with the child being around him, then that's on her. I don't think you even have a say on of she is there when your child is visiting, that's his time. The only thing you can say no to is I believe her moving in with him if they are not married.
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TreysMom827
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 4:15 PM

his dad and i already agreed that DS isnt allowed to meet any boyfriends or girlfriends that come into our lives unless we're both okay with it lol. i'm not worried about DS meeting his girlfriend since his dad knows that i'm uncomfortable with that right now, what i'm worried about is his dad putting more time and effort into a relationship with some  girl instead of his kid. but, like i said, i already told him how i feel about it and i'm not continuously nagging him about it or anything. if his girlfriend gets brought up in the short amount of time that we're talking then i say something but never asking him to choose between DS and his girlfriend or anything like that

Quoting snowangel1979:

Sorry but you have no say in who you ex can and can't hang out with. If the mom feels comfortable with the child being around him, then that's on her. I don't think you even have a say on of she is there when your child is visiting, that's his time. The only thing you can say no to is I believe her moving in with him if they are not married.


TreysMom827
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 4:17 PM

his dad and i already agreed that DS isnt allowed to meet any boyfriends or girlfriends that come into our lives unless we're both okay with it. so i'm not worried about that. i dont go out of my way to find information about his life, he tells me that on his own. he tells me when he has a show or when he's been out all night with his girlfriend, so by him telling me on his own it becomes my business, but again, i dont go out of my way to find anything out.

Quoting lioness3e:

Actually, you don't have any business telling someone else what to do with their life, even if he's your son's father. Still none of your business.

There's nothing wrong with either of you having a social life and hanging with other people. His business is his, and your business, is yours. 

You have no control over who he has around your son when he has his parenting time, unless it's court ordered.

Yes, I believe your being hypocritical and need to work past that your ex has a live aside from your son and there will be times your son will be a part of that life. It goes with the territory.

I don't agree with introducing young children to someone the parent is dating until it becomes a serious relationship. However, its just one of those things one has no control over what the other person does.

Do what can be done to communicate to him how you feel about the situation, but you can't tell him what to do. GL



MrsRobinson06
by Silver Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 4:45 PM
Yes, that is hypocritical. It is his responsibility to see your son as often as he's supposed to.
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lioness3e
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 5:54 PM

He may disclosed information to you about his life (  in conversation), still doesn't mean it's any of your business unless it would endanger the life of your son.

My ex would tells me things, did I give a crap? nope. Not my life, none my business. I lived my own life and let him live his.

As for your ex not being involved more in his son's life. That's between him, God and your son. My ex didn't come back for over 4 years to see his children. They're 21,20 and 18 now and his relationship with them is between them. He cared more about his boyfriend through the years, then his own children. 

His actions has greatly impacted his relationship with each of his children, however, it's none of my doing. I kept them in the house we had during our 15  year marriage, up until 7 months ago. He knew where they were and was more then welcome to come ANYTIME to see them. I supported a relationship,however, not my responsibility to make it happen. It's still between them.

Focus on being a Mom to your beautiful boy and stop focusing on what he's not doing, or doing. That's all on him, not you. Your son needs you and the energy you have should be going to raise him to the best of your ability, not on his father.You're only responsible for yourself and your son.KWIM?

Quoting TreysMom827:

his dad and i already agreed that DS isnt allowed to meet any boyfriends or girlfriends that come into our lives unless we're both okay with it. so i'm not worried about that. i dont go out of my way to find information about his life, he tells me that on his own. he tells me when he has a show or when he's been out all night with his girlfriend, so by him telling me on his own it becomes my business, but again, i dont go out of my way to find anything out.

Quoting lioness3e:

Actually, you don't have any business telling someone else what to do with their life, even if he's your son's father. Still none of your business.

There's nothing wrong with either of you having a social life and hanging with other people. His business is his, and your business, is yours. 

You have no control over who he has around your son when he has his parenting time, unless it's court ordered.

Yes, I believe your being hypocritical and need to work past that your ex has a live aside from your son and there will be times your son will be a part of that life. It goes with the territory.

I don't agree with introducing young children to someone the parent is dating until it becomes a serious relationship. However, its just one of those things one has no control over what the other person does.

Do what can be done to communicate to him how you feel about the situation, but you can't tell him what to do. GL




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