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Do I tell him? *Update*

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:19 PM
  • 27 Replies
My s/o and I have very different tastes and he keeps getting me gifts I don't like. I don't want to hurt his feelings so I don't say anything. Recently he asked me to send him a picture & item # of a ring that I REALLY wanted... Well I didn't get that ring & the one I did get, I really do not like...

Do I tell him & if so, how do I let him know without hurting his feelings?

*Update*

I told him, the nicest way I could and explained I was very grateful, but it just wasn't my taste. I felt so much better after telling him the truth! He wasn't mad & said he wants me to be able to be honest with him. He's returning the one I didn't like & ordered the one I really wanted. :-) He is a good guy & I will make sure I do something nice for him in return!...

Thanks for the advice!
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by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
caro100
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:28 PM
Tell him don't ask, if he's not going to get present you rrquested. Of course your ring might have been more than he could afford. Yes tell him, but do it in a kind way, at least he gets you stuff, some men don't do anything.
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Sweet_Carol_126
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:31 PM
2 moms liked this

Was the ring you received more like something he could afford?  In that case I would understand.  However, if the prices were near the same price it could be he has a tendency to be abusive.  If a guy asks you what you want to do and then always  decides to do something else, that is one sign of an abusive person who is controlling.  It is an emotional abuse in a way and it gets worse and worse.  It is like a guy asks you to a movie and asks you which one you want to see and you tell him and then he doesn't want to go to that one as it is dumb and you are going to this other one.  Now a guy could have seen the one but to do this over and over should let you know that you should stay away from him.  He is showing you that your choices are no good and you are wrong and he is right and he is in charge and is smarter than you and then it is how can you be so dumb, then it may be a pinch or a smack and it just escalates.  So I'd worry about that.

If  he chose once or twice it might be nothing but sounds as though you don't like anything he wants to get.  You perhaps should tell him that on the other things that it isn't the right fit or you don't like the colors or they are "not my colors" and ask for the receipt or where he bought it so you can exchange it.  You can take him along if you want.  As to the ring, if you really don't like it, tell him you don't like it.    Or just ask him why he didn't get the ring you wanted.  Price is a good reason.  He may not be able to afford the one you wanted so be sure you know the price of the ring you wanted.  If it was expensive, then it might be too much.    You need to have a better relationship with him and that is gained by communication.  Good luck.  If you tell him you don't like something and want to return it and get another, then (other than the ring) if he gets really upset and mad, then give him back the ring and take off. 

 

mandiNthomas
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:32 PM
Oh my I can totally relate!! Df runs a pawn shop so he sees jewelry all day.. I can't tell u the number of ugly rings and necklaces he has got me... I finally told him babe please stop buying me jewelry..I don't need anymore...lol I ended up pawning most of it cus we needed the money..lol.. no problem...lol he got me probably 8 rings never sized them so I couldn't wear them... just be sincere and tell him gently...subtly..good luck!!
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KBS-mom
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:44 PM
I know it wasn't the price, it was $65 and he even told me "I'll get it for you". Anniversary came, didn't get it. We celebrated Valentines early tonight & that's when I got the ugly ring, lol... Then he said "I know that's what you wanted"... I just smiled, but inside I was like "This is nothing like I wanted, it's ugly!" :-( ... Like someone said, it may be a sign of a deeper issue. I didn't look at it like that, but it does make sense...

Maybe I will try to tell him and see how he reacts. (Which if it's how I think, it won't be good)
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justme91755
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:44 PM

 I think a ring is a very personal thing, most jewelry is.  It is a matter of personal taste.  Why don't you ask him to take you with him to get the ring so it will be the right size and style.  I had a ring from my first husband I never wore because the stone stuck up and snagged on things and I could not work with it on.  when i remarried we took the sones which were lovely and had them put into a custom made ring that my husband and I picked together.  Try not to hurt his feelings If you can find a fault in the ring so that you need to exchange it try that. Wrong kind of metal or the way it fits etc.

KBS-mom
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:52 PM
Well I thought giving him a picture & the link was good enough, but obviously not... Finding a fault is a good idea, but I'm not sure how to do that because it fits, it the right metal & comfortable... Just ugly... It's one of those rings that looks like it has putty on it & the stones were rolled on. I just don't like that look at all.


Quoting justme91755:

 I think a ring is a very personal thing, most jewelry is.  It is a matter of personal taste.  Why don't you ask him to take you with him to get the ring so it will be the right size and style.  I had a ring from my first husband I never wore because the stone stuck up and snagged on things and I could not work with it on.  when i remarried we took the sones which were lovely and had them put into a custom made ring that my husband and I picked together.  Try not to hurt his feelings If you can find a fault in the ring so that you need to exchange it try that. Wrong kind of metal or the way it fits etc.


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KBS-mom
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:19 PM

This is what I wanted...
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KBS-mom
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:20 PM

This is what I got...
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justme91755
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:22 PM

 

Quoting KBS-mom:

Well I thought giving him a picture & the link was good enough, but obviously not... Finding a fault is a good idea, but I'm not sure how to do that because it fits, it the right metal & comfortable... Just ugly... It's one of those rings that looks like it has putty on it & the stones were rolled on. I just don't like that look at all.


Quoting justme91755:

 I think a ring is a very personal thing, most jewelry is.  It is a matter of personal taste.  Why don't you ask him to take you with him to get the ring so it will be the right size and style.  I had a ring from my first husband I never wore because the stone stuck up and snagged on things and I could not work with it on.  when i remarried we took the sones which were lovely and had them put into a custom made ring that my husband and I picked together.  Try not to hurt his feelings If you can find a fault in the ring so that you need to exchange it try that. Wrong kind of metal or the way it fits etc.


 How about 'Honey this ring just isn't my personal style.  It's a lovely gesture and I really appreciate that fact you took the time to try and find me something special but maybe we could go together and exchange it for something I will wear more often.  i really don't have anything I could wear this with and it's a shame it would just sit in a jewelry box"

KBS-mom
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:29 PM
Oh, you are good! Lol... I'll try that tomorrow... I just didn't want to seem ungrateful. Hopefully, he'll understand.


Quoting justme91755:

 


Quoting KBS-mom:

Well I thought giving him a picture & the link was good enough, but obviously not... Finding a fault is a good idea, but I'm not sure how to do that because it fits, it the right metal & comfortable... Just ugly... It's one of those rings that looks like it has putty on it & the stones were rolled on. I just don't like that look at all.



Quoting justme91755:


 I think a ring is a very personal thing, most jewelry is.  It is a matter of personal taste.  Why don't you ask him to take you with him to get the ring so it will be the right size and style.  I had a ring from my first husband I never wore because the stone stuck up and snagged on things and I could not work with it on.  when i remarried we took the sones which were lovely and had them put into a custom made ring that my husband and I picked together.  Try not to hurt his feelings If you can find a fault in the ring so that you need to exchange it try that. Wrong kind of metal or the way it fits etc.



 How about 'Honey this ring just isn't my personal style.  It's a lovely gesture and I really appreciate that fact you took the time to try and find me something special but maybe we could go together and exchange it for something I will wear more often.  i really don't have anything I could wear this with and it's a shame it would just sit in a jewelry box"


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