I need help with neighbor issues...what would you do?EDIT ON 2/20...SITUATION WAS HANDLED
Sorry, this may get long and as people respond, I may relize that I forgot some things, so please don't think I'm making it up as I go. Last year, one of our neighbors moved his new girlfriend in. My SO and I are both 33, our neighbors are 23, age doesn't generally play a factor, but I believe the maturity level shows their age. Anyway, when she moved in,we became good friends...we hung out all the time, I helped her through a rough time and she was here for me when my dad died. They paid a lot of attention to my children, so now my 5 y/o daughter is attached to her. They work second shift...started that about 4 months ago. They originally asked me to let their 2 dogs out once a night and would pay me $50 a week....The first week, they waited until I was at the store, she sent him over with money and asked my SO if I would do it for $30, he said he didn't know, that they would have to talk to me about it. They didn't and the next Friday apparently they left $30 in their house for me. I don't go in their house, I open the door, let the dogs out, open the door and let them back in. Because I didn't see the money, she assumed that I left it there because I was mad and then lied about not seeing it. I found this out about 2 weeks later because they had another neighb or take over the dogs and she avoided me completely. I went over to ask her what happened and she flipped on me. The next day she came over, apologized and we "made up".
The neighbors that they have taking their dogs out are so incredibly neglectful to their own dogs, they stay inside for upwards of 12 hours a day, they're expected to shit on the floor and most of the summer, they would be left with no water. My neighbor and I would talki aboutthose poor dogs all the time and how they are abused...we'd also talk about how our neighbor has changed since her bf got out of jail...she would TRASH the two of them CONSTANTLY. Now the two houses are BFFS.
Ok, now to the most recent of what happened...Friday around 2:30pm, our neighbor (the one who moved his gf in last year, not the incredibly neglectful ones) came knocking on my door...he asked if I could keep my eyes out for one of otheir dogs and one of the other dogs (both are hounds of some sort, one is a male a few years old and the other one is a female puppy) I told him that more than likely, no, I won't watch for the dogs, I was about to lay down with my children (which I told him). He called me from work 2 hours later asking if I had let the puppy in yet. The puppy doesn't belong to them, it belongs to the other neighbors, he told me that their dog came back before they left, so I didn't have to "worry" about him. I then went outside for a cigarrette...the dog came up to me, stood about 4 feet away. I wasn't wearing anything bulky, I'm naturally a slow mover, so I go to sit on my step, the dog let out the most horrible cry, her tail IMMEDIATELY shot between her legs, she scooted away from me, kept her tail tucked, hid and whined. I smoked my butt, by that time, the dog had calmed down and was standing in the doorway of the house it belongs in. I went over (slowly and calmly) and the dog started barking and ran away. I called the neighbor back (the one who had called me) and told him the dog wouldn'tlet me let her in and that whoever is abusing the dog better stop. I explained I know it's not them, but someone is. Next thing we know, she (the one who claims to be a friend) pulls into the driveway, she drove over a half an hour to let someone elses dog in. Anyway, she then proceeds to flip on me, says I have no idea what I'm talking about, no one is beating that dog blah blah blah...then she drove off. Now, my thoughts on the matter are that a decent person would have asked what happened to make me think that. Then I could have told her what the dog did, I could tell her about the boyfriend (the one who likes to frequent jail) telling me stories about his girlfriend hitting the puppy and then there's always the time last spring when the neglectful neighbors were dog sitting a little dog. The neighbor who just flipped on me went after the owner of the little dog accusing her of abusing her dog, when come to find out it was our neighbors treating the dog INSANELY poorly.
Now my dilemma...I have to live within spitting distance of ALL these people. The woman who owns the puppy will listen to me if I talk to her, but honestly, that's stirring up shit because it's her bf who was telling me about her hitting the dog. We all share walkways and my daughter keeps asking to go over there to play.
There's pile after pile of dog shit in the yards, my children can't play outside without watching out for it and the male hound went after my daughter the other day, which I never got a chance to address with them because obviously she's an unstable sort and flipped on me.
Sorry this is so long, if you have questions, just ask. I'm so sick of their shit, figuratively and literally...what would you do?
UPDATE...Last Monday, the neighbors password protected wireless...we have been paying half the bill for the past 3 years and because they're mad at me because I think the other dogs are mistreated, they tried to make us mad. Whatever, I didn't care...doesn't affect me, will only save us money. So, she left...she came back while I was taking trash out, I found it to be the perfect opportunity to talk to her about how HER dog had gone after my daughter. I said, "Considering your dog went after my daughter a few days ago, I would like to remind you there are leash laws. I don't trust your dog, he's unstable and because of that, I WILL be bringing our metal baseball bat out EVERY time I bring my children out and don't think for a second that I won't bash him in the head IF I feel he's threatening my children." For those who think I'm cruel for threatening a dog, I'm sorry, but I WONT let a dog the size of my 5 y/o even think about ripping her face off. So, she sent her bf over to ask what the problem is...perfect, he was there when the dog went after her. I stated what I said to her, he asked if that was all, I let him know that the dog is as unstable as his owner, this isn't the first time she has shown her unstable side and flipped on me, she has NO idea how to be someone's friend and I'm done. He and my SO spoke, they're fine, internet is back on and my SO knows that she is NEVER welcome in my home, I don't want to hear about them, I just want them to disappear. For me, it's a plus that I don't get uncomfortable and I thrive off of others discomfort. I know, that sounds horrible, but it's obviously not everyone's discomfort I thrive off of.
Well, for sure I'd pick up the doggie doo. It's not impossible that I'd dump it all in their yard, if I could do it without being noticed anyway. Maybe fence in at least part of my yard so the dogs couldn't get in there and the children could play outside.
I would talk with the lady with whom you've been friends and explain that it was a misunderstanding and that you miss her friendship.
I had some trouble keeping people straight and can't tell if it is your former friend who is beating a puppy. If you have proof of abusing a puppy, you should call animal control and find out who handles animal abuse cases.
I won't pick up the poop...I just go the "mature" route and keep telling my kids to not go over in certain areas because of dog poop. I make sure I say it nice and loud and clear. Unfortunately, the way the yards are set up, there is no way to fence it off. The front is kind of a communal area and our back yard takes up the whole property...these people let their dogs out andthey run through our yard to get anywhere. I also don't think the landlord would approve a fence keeping people out of our yard.
I don't miss the "friend"...she has proven to not be a friend, she has flipped on me twice now and I don't think I would accept an apology if she tried. She's not a friend, she is a friend when it's convenient to her. The one who flipped is not the one abusing the dog(s)...the one who flipped is trusting the abusers with her precious hound (the one who went after my daughter)
I want to call animal control, but I think it would be too obvious who did it and I don't really want to stir up more trouble...I just want them all to move. The last time she flipped on me, she had a nice tidy list of things she's done for me...I wanted to ask her how it was cleaning up her miscarriage...wait, I did that...I helped her through that emotionally...I remember buying them groceries when they were down and out, I remember being a TRUE friend...whatever, I don't need any of them.
Quoting Bmat:
Well, for sure I'd pick up the doggie doo. It's not impossible that I'd dump it all in their yard, if I could do it without being noticed anyway. Maybe fence in at least part of my yard so the dogs couldn't get in there and the children could play outside.
I would talk with the lady with whom you've been friends and explain that it was a misunderstanding and that you miss her friendship.
I had some trouble keeping people straight and can't tell if it is your former friend who is beating a puppy. If you have proof of abusing a puppy, you should call animal control and find out who handles animal abuse cases.
Sounds like a bummer and you got way too close to these people.
I would just avoid them at all costs and call the dogs in if it's that big of a deal.
Or build a fence if you can afford it. I know that's not the best most thorough advice but I could care less about how much my neighbors are going through or what they do with their dogs lol.
You could have been way out of line on the whole them abusing the dog thing. My dog found a hole in our fence and got out once- she came back about 4 hours later and was cowering and was afraid of everyone. She was stressed and we couldn't figure out why. It eventually wore off and I can assure you that we haven't abused her at all.
I think you jumped to conclusions on that one and were way out of line. Maybe that is why she went off on you for it. I know I would be pissed if someone was telling people I abuse my animals. Just don't associate w/ them anymore and contact the landlord about the dog poop situation.
Potentially I'm wrong, but I would put money on it that I'm not. The message I left was to the neighbor on our left...the neighbor who showed up to let the dog in is our neighbor on our left...the dog belongs to the neighbor on our right. The neighbor on our right has told me about his gf hitting the puppy...that story went into how he had to stop her because she was pissed and about to hit the dog more, then they couldn't figure out why she didn't want to get in the car...well yeah, she gets hit in the car. I've been witness to them yelling at the puppy and both of them talk about how they HATE her. They also have a blue heeler...a working dog who exhibits ALL the signs of an abused dog....I know that dogs can act "off", but I have watched BOTH their dogs become cowering neurotc messes....
Quoting tginn20:
You could have been way out of line on the whole them abusing the dog thing. My dog found a hole in our fence and got out once- she came back about 4 hours later and was cowering and was afraid of everyone. She was stressed and we couldn't figure out why. It eventually wore off and I can assure you that we haven't abused her at all.
I think you jumped to conclusions on that one and were way out of line. Maybe that is why she went off on you for it. I know I would be pissed if someone was telling people I abuse my animals. Just don't associate w/ them anymore and contact the landlord about the dog poop situation.
So with all of this information you have witnessed..you still need the opinions of people that haven't witnessed any of it on what you should do?
Quoting abbymomo2:Potentially I'm wrong, but I would put money on it that I'm not. The message I left was to the neighbor on our left...the neighbor who showed up to let the dog in is our neighbor on our left...the dog belongs to the neighbor on our right. The neighbor on our right has told me about his gf hitting the puppy...that story went into how he had to stop her because she was pissed and about to hit the dog more, then they couldn't figure out why she didn't want to get in the car...well yeah, she gets hit in the car. I've been witness to them yelling at the puppy and both of them talk about how they HATE her. They also have a blue heeler...a working dog who exhibits ALL the signs of an abused dog....I know that dogs can act "off", but I have watched BOTH their dogs become cowering neurotc messes....
Quoting tginn20:
You could have been way out of line on the whole them abusing the dog thing. My dog found a hole in our fence and got out once- she came back about 4 hours later and was cowering and was afraid of everyone. She was stressed and we couldn't figure out why. It eventually wore off and I can assure you that we haven't abused her at all.
I think you jumped to conclusions on that one and were way out of line. Maybe that is why she went off on you for it. I know I would be pissed if someone was telling people I abuse my animals. Just don't associate w/ them anymore and contact the landlord about the dog poop situation.
Don't get into a resentment thing with her about who did what nice thing for whom. Keep your mind on the specific problems. Write them down for yourself if you need to.
1. animal abuse
2. dog doodie where children play
3. ?
Make the list simple so you can focus on what is exactly the problem. You are so immersed in the background of the problems (and this is perfectly normal- nothing wrong with it) that you can't focus on what the specific problem is so that you can fix it. Hoping they will move isn't a fix. Finding another place for you to move to is a possible fix- but then you don't know what your neighbors there will be like. About neighbors- in general it is best to go slow in making friends of neighbors, and avoid making enemies of them if you possibly can- the exception being child, animal, or other abuse.
Quoting abbymomo2:I won't pick up the poop...I just go the "mature" route and keep telling my kids to not go over in certain areas because of dog poop. I make sure I say it nice and loud and clear. Unfortunately, the way the yards are set up, there is no way to fence it off. The front is kind of a communal area and our back yard takes up the whole property...these people let their dogs out andthey run through our yard to get anywhere. I also don't think the landlord would approve a fence keeping people out of our yard.
I don't miss the "friend"...she has proven to not be a friend, she has flipped on me twice now and I don't think I would accept an apology if she tried. She's not a friend, she is a friend when it's convenient to her. The one who flipped is not the one abusing the dog(s)...the one who flipped is trusting the abusers with her precious hound (the one who went after my daughter)
I want to call animal control, but I think it would be too obvious who did it and I don't really want to stir up more trouble...I just want them all to move. The last time she flipped on me, she had a nice tidy list of things she's done for me...I wanted to ask her how it was cleaning up her miscarriage...wait, I did that...I helped her through that emotionally...I remember buying them groceries when they were down and out, I remember being a TRUE friend...whatever, I don't need any of them.
Quoting Bmat:
Well, for sure I'd pick up the doggie doo. It's not impossible that I'd dump it all in their yard, if I could do it without being noticed anyway. Maybe fence in at least part of my yard so the dogs couldn't get in there and the children could play outside.
I would talk with the lady with whom you've been friends and explain that it was a misunderstanding and that you miss her friendship.
I had some trouble keeping people straight and can't tell if it is your former friend who is beating a puppy. If you have proof of abusing a puppy, you should call animal control and find out who handles animal abuse cases.
You mentioned a land lord? I would be filling his ear about all of this. Well, the major points anyway. I am sure that he would not like the idea of all of that poop, and even more, all the pooping in the home of the jail bird and his chick (the abusers?)
Otherwise, just stay your course. If you catch their eye while outdoors, just give a small grin and quick wave and go about your day. I can relate to the discomfort that having rifts with close neighbors can bring. We have been burned by befriending neighbors and it got so bad that the guy got drunk and tore down our fence! Of course he went to jail. And we moved. I have since decided that we will only get close to neighbors who have at least 3 houses between us. I am sure that it is harder when kids get their feelings involved. I would hope that your neighbor will be good enough not to take anything out on your dd. Good Luck with this mess. Good Grief but people can suck. It is unfortunate that we are forced to live next to them!
I don't plan on throwing out there what I have done for her, she knows full well where we stand on it all, surprisingly enough (I say that because I'm surprised) she's not dumb. The abuse isn't on their shouldres, I brought it up to them because they're friends with the neighbors who I believe are abusing their animals.
About a week ago, I was talking to her and she mentioned that they're looking to move in the next few months...the other neighbors are in the process of being evicted...so hopefully I just have to wait it out for a couple more months and then at the very least, the felon and his dog beating gf will be gone, which then means the neighbors lose their besties.
Quoting Bmat:
Don't get into a resentment thing with her about who did what nice thing for whom. Keep your mind on the specific problems. Write them down for yourself if you need to.
1. animal abuse
2. dog doodie where children play
3. ?
Make the list simple so you can focus on what is exactly the problem. You are so immersed in the background of the problems (and this is perfectly normal- nothing wrong with it) that you can't focus on what the specific problem is so that you can fix it. Hoping they will move isn't a fix. Finding another place for you to move to is a possible fix- but then you don't know what your neighbors there will be like. About neighbors- in general it is best to go slow in making friends of neighbors, and avoid making enemies of them if you possibly can- the exception being child, animal, or other abuse.
Quoting abbymomo2:
I won't pick up the poop...I just go the "mature" route and keep telling my kids to not go over in certain areas because of dog poop. I make sure I say it nice and loud and clear. Unfortunately, the way the yards are set up, there is no way to fence it off. The front is kind of a communal area and our back yard takes up the whole property...these people let their dogs out andthey run through our yard to get anywhere. I also don't think the landlord would approve a fence keeping people out of our yard.
I don't miss the "friend"...she has proven to not be a friend, she has flipped on me twice now and I don't think I would accept an apology if she tried. She's not a friend, she is a friend when it's convenient to her. The one who flipped is not the one abusing the dog(s)...the one who flipped is trusting the abusers with her precious hound (the one who went after my daughter)
I want to call animal control, but I think it would be too obvious who did it and I don't really want to stir up more trouble...I just want them all to move. The last time she flipped on me, she had a nice tidy list of things she's done for me...I wanted to ask her how it was cleaning up her miscarriage...wait, I did that...I helped her through that emotionally...I remember buying them groceries when they were down and out, I remember being a TRUE friend...whatever, I don't need any of them.
Quoting Bmat:
Well, for sure I'd pick up the doggie doo. It's not impossible that I'd dump it all in their yard, if I could do it without being noticed anyway. Maybe fence in at least part of my yard so the dogs couldn't get in there and the children could play outside.
I would talk with the lady with whom you've been friends and explain that it was a misunderstanding and that you miss her friendship.
I had some trouble keeping people straight and can't tell if it is your former friend who is beating a puppy. If you have proof of abusing a puppy, you should call animal control and find out who handles animal abuse cases.
what's the best way to...
- abbymomo2
on Feb. 13, 2012 at 8:58 AM